A little X-mas bitching does a girl good.

I vented to Courtney in an e-mail about this topic and realized that I should blog about it because writing things down usually helps me to "wrap my head around it" and "touch base" and "check-in with myself." (I'm being funny. Or delirious. I hear corporate speak all the time and just tried to throw some in but it doesn't quite work for me...) ANYWAY....what I'm trying to say is...

I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL! Like I'm running around crazy and aimlessly with no clear direction.

Like Court said in an e-mail to the girls, "I am usually so on top of things." That's how I feel this year. Let me clarify - I am not upset. Life is wonderful and miraculous and better than ever...but I just feel out of control. Like I need to make lists all the time but I never do....I have so many "to-do's" floating around in my head that I never get to......I don't like this feeling.

Example 1: Money
I am running around town spending money like I have some. Living like a princess when I really am a pauper. Those baby clothes are cute, I'll get them. I NEED these picture frames. I think this would be the perfect time to refill my perfume for $35 and then run to Sephora for a new $38 bottle of Amazing Grace lotion! How about these shitty looking pants that are too tight? Throw em in the basket!! What the hell is my problem? It's like I have no control....and each trip to target is costing $75-$80 and that is at the LOW end of the spectrum. Stop it, Creekmore!

Example 2: Christmas Shopping
I got the bright idea to online shop this year. That was the BEST decision I have made in a long time. I shopped and it all showed up on my porch (well, everything except Toby's gift so far and I'm anxiously waiting for that because if it doesn't come, I'll have to blow up Amazon.) It's been SO great to avoid the stores. But I'm running into some issues - like MONEY (again.) I'm not that organized for some reason (gasp!) so I keep forgetting gifts and I have to run out to Target (see Example 1) and it's just all adding up. Actually, I don't know exactly how much it has added up because I refuse to actually do it. I'm scared.

Example 3: Bad Decisions (it's the money thing again....)
This weekend, Stella and I took a stroll through Old Navy. I told myself I would not buy anything (So why the hell did I go? who really just strolls Old Navy?) SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS LATER, I walk out with a mini-jeans skirt, her "chillin" outfit, a baby black fur coat (Cousin Amy I totally blame you for that one!), and a lot of gift tags and wrapping paper. Yes, I bought paper and tags at Old Navy - because I apparently bumped my head. First, they are horribly expensive when I should have just gone to CVS and bought it all for 99 cents. Second, I have CRAPLOADS of paper and tags in storage from last year. Why did I do that??? BECAUSE I AM OUT OF CONTROL.

Example 4: Baking
I also had a bright idea that for co-workers and such, I would BAKE. And put the fruits of my labor into cute little Christmas tins that I bought at Wal-Mart, thus saving money and time... Ummm - QUITE THE CONTRARY. For the past 3 damn weekends I've had baked goods looming over my head. I have tried to make these frickin batches of STUFF to have and I'll get one batch done and then get side-tracked....or I forget ingredients so I have to go back to the store to get those and end up spending 5 times what the cost of those are because of the extra stuff I "need"....there are piles of melting chocolate, powdered sugar, cake mixes, cream cheese blocks, etc in my kitchen. And they are all taunting me. This "bright" idea will NOT happen next year, I can tell you that.

Example 5: The house
I feel like all I do is load and unload the dishwasher. Like the movie Groundhog Day. Throw in my laundry and Stella's laundry and some swiffer vacuuming and some picking up Toby's shit and you pretty much describe a lot of my free time. I will say this: THANK GOD for the garage because if Toby didn't have that for his BIG shit, it would be SO much worse.

And isn't that what the season is about? Counting your blessings. Of which I have a plethora (Three Amigos, anyone?)

So, thanks for letting me vent. I feel a bit more "in control." And I feel VERY VERY VERY LUCKY that this is really all I have to bitch about.

Merry Christmas!!