I have totally been neglectful of the blog!!
I realized this last night so I holed myself up on the computer room and wrote a big, long post - only to have blogspot eat it. It was upsetting to lose the blog, that I worked hard on, but I have to admit - updating the blog was not the only reason I holed myself up with the computer. It was to get away from the Giant Man Baby that was in the living room.
The GMB would be my husband. GOOD GRIEF!! This man experienced a near fatal falling accident 2 years ago that left him basically house-bound and has left him with chronic back and leg pain to this day...and you never hear a peep out of him.
But let him get a small case of the allergies and LOOK OUT. He's dying. Right then and there.
I'm sorry he felt bad. I really am. I'm not a totally insensitive beotch. But you ladies can understand, I'm sure. I hear that lots of men suffer from this condition when they get sick. :)
ANYWAY! He stayed home today so I am hoping he got a lot of rest and feels better. Love you honey!!
So, it's almost 3pm at work and I think I just might agree to give up my first born to someone if they would let me take a nap!! I'm so tired!! I guess it's the gloomy weather...but it's also me. My body has been out of whack for a long time...and after blood tests coming back normal - no one has a clue why I always feel so bad all the time! But I'm just going to keep trucking and eating right and getting some exercise in.... I just trust I will start feeling better any day now!
Overall, life is good. :)
Toby tore down the old 6ft privacy fence around the backyard (that was crumbling down anyway) and put up a new, short picket fence - and it looks so great!! As soon as he finishes the gate part, we can let Abby outside again without fear of her squeezing her huge body through the fence slats and running the neighborhood. I am so excited for this - as it should really help the dog hair tumbleweed problem inside the house. Sometimes I could cry looking at the carpet in our house now. Not even a SHOP-VAC is helping! We definitely need all 3 bedroom carpets replaced - before we even think about having children. But this only takes money!! We just spent our honeymoon money on the fence! But it was a necessity - we'll just go on a smaller-scale honeymoon in the fall. Gotta love compromise.
So the house is coming along.... slowly but surely....
Work is ok. I'm still finding myself highly annoyed atleast a few times a day. I just feel like I am babysitting a lot. I want my OWN job with my OWN goals and my OWN responsibilities. I'm done with the "support role."
I did not get the promotion I had applied for...and for that I am SO GRATEFUL! For one, I would have been working with someone that is not nice - to say the least. And no money or grade is worth being miserable at work - you spend more time at work than at home! (How sad is that?) Anyway, I also think it was good that I did not get that job because it was just another "support role" - a step up, but SUPPORT nonetheless. Maybe I need to move in an ENTIRELY different direction. Actually, there is no MAYBE about it. Definitely.
My family is doing great - and I'm going to see Motion City Soundtrack on Sunday in Northern VA! Right after the show, Matt is hopping in the car with us and coming home for a few days. On Tuesday night, MCS is playing at Alley Katz and I am SO EXCITED about that. Lots of people are going.... I love showing Matt off. He's so GOOD!!
I think I am going to head upstairs now and get a coffee...and eat my crustless pumpkin pie that I brought. Maybe some food and beverage will wake me up.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Heavy Issues with Weight
(from my journal on DWLZ...)
Physically, I feel horrible. Awful. HUGE. Bigger than I have felt in my entire life (even though I am 25 lbs lighter than my known highest...)
I just feel that no matter what I do, the scale does not budge. And if it DOES budge, it goes a pound up. I have been trying SOMETHING for the past 2 months (except for the break for the wedding, it's actually been over a YEAR) - either Flex and exercise, Core and exercise, Flex and no exercise, Core and no exercise, either plan and little exercize - and no results.
Thus, I'm getting obsessed. I feel like I have been "weight obsessed" for years now... I am SICK OF IT. How fat my a$$ feels is dominating my every thought - and that is not right!! Infact, I think it is that very mentality that is making my body stagnate.
I do believe in the power of the mind - and my mind is holding me back. I don't believe I'll ever lose weight. I don't believe I'll ever reach ANY goals. I've convinced myself it's my medications, etc...
Excuse my french, but BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really need to work on my head. I'm still going to do Weight Watchers absolutely, but I can't be obsessed. I can't let it take over my life like I have been doing. I can't feel guilty if I skip the gym one day. I can't feel guilty if I eat a little more chicken that Toby fixed for us on the grill (because it's SO YUM!) I can't feel guilty if I have 2 beers.
I'm going today to buy atleast 5 new pair of pants in a SIZE THAT FITS so I can enjoy my body (feel comfortable) NOW and DURING the journey. I need to accept myself NOW before I can change myself. I swear that is the bottom line. Having a "clothes crisis" every single day is not helping my mental status.
Sorry I'm on a huge soapbox right now - I've just been thinking a lot about this and I think that before I can have success with weight loss, I have to change my MINDSET to a positive and expectant one. EXPECT good things. BELIEVE I'll reach my goals...Because otherwise, I am just spinning my wheels - and I want to ENJOY my life right now. Not be upset 24/7 because my pants are tight.
Speaking of living life with EXPECTANCY - I am listening to the audiobook "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen http://www.joelosteen.com and I am really feeling some changes/sparks within me. (Thus the new epiphany regarding my weight issues...) It has really been turning on some lightbulbs in my head...
And as a side note, I did not get the job I interviewed for a few weeks ago. And I am HAPPY. I feel that God did not give me that job for multiple reasons - some reasons I know, and some I don't know...but I have faith that something better will come along. Something that will eventually lead me down the RIGHT path for me at PM USA... I'm a patient person. I can wait.
Now if I can just get that mindset with weight loss! :)
Physically, I feel horrible. Awful. HUGE. Bigger than I have felt in my entire life (even though I am 25 lbs lighter than my known highest...)
I just feel that no matter what I do, the scale does not budge. And if it DOES budge, it goes a pound up. I have been trying SOMETHING for the past 2 months (except for the break for the wedding, it's actually been over a YEAR) - either Flex and exercise, Core and exercise, Flex and no exercise, Core and no exercise, either plan and little exercize - and no results.
Thus, I'm getting obsessed. I feel like I have been "weight obsessed" for years now... I am SICK OF IT. How fat my a$$ feels is dominating my every thought - and that is not right!! Infact, I think it is that very mentality that is making my body stagnate.
I do believe in the power of the mind - and my mind is holding me back. I don't believe I'll ever lose weight. I don't believe I'll ever reach ANY goals. I've convinced myself it's my medications, etc...
Excuse my french, but BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really need to work on my head. I'm still going to do Weight Watchers absolutely, but I can't be obsessed. I can't let it take over my life like I have been doing. I can't feel guilty if I skip the gym one day. I can't feel guilty if I eat a little more chicken that Toby fixed for us on the grill (because it's SO YUM!) I can't feel guilty if I have 2 beers.
I'm going today to buy atleast 5 new pair of pants in a SIZE THAT FITS so I can enjoy my body (feel comfortable) NOW and DURING the journey. I need to accept myself NOW before I can change myself. I swear that is the bottom line. Having a "clothes crisis" every single day is not helping my mental status.
Sorry I'm on a huge soapbox right now - I've just been thinking a lot about this and I think that before I can have success with weight loss, I have to change my MINDSET to a positive and expectant one. EXPECT good things. BELIEVE I'll reach my goals...Because otherwise, I am just spinning my wheels - and I want to ENJOY my life right now. Not be upset 24/7 because my pants are tight.
Speaking of living life with EXPECTANCY - I am listening to the audiobook "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen http://www.joelosteen.com and I am really feeling some changes/sparks within me. (Thus the new epiphany regarding my weight issues...) It has really been turning on some lightbulbs in my head...
And as a side note, I did not get the job I interviewed for a few weeks ago. And I am HAPPY. I feel that God did not give me that job for multiple reasons - some reasons I know, and some I don't know...but I have faith that something better will come along. Something that will eventually lead me down the RIGHT path for me at PM USA... I'm a patient person. I can wait.
Now if I can just get that mindset with weight loss! :)
Monday, April 11, 2005
Matt
Well, this picture stuff is a tad confusing. I need some more practice with these new programs - they don't seem very user friendly at the moment. At any rate, here is a picture of my rockstar brother. I stole it off his myspace.com profile - so I hope he doesn't mind. I just think it's AWESOME.
Matt
Matt
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Pretty darn proud...
...of myself! I just spent the last hour unpacking and hooking up my new Dell super-computer - including all the DSL stuff. And I didn't even need to call Denny for help. I ROCK!!
Monday, April 04, 2005
A LOT and NOTHING
I feel like a lot has been going on...and that nothing has been going on at the same time. Isn't that strange?
Last week was drama filled at work and I have really grown to dread my job. Maybe that is why I feel like A LOT has been going on because my adrenaline level has been at 100% for a week trying to deal with stuff. I hate that I hate going to work because for so long, I looked forward to it. But over the past year or so, it has slowly morphed into something I really don't enjoy and now I feel like it has hit a peak. And it's not fun. Last week, I came close to tears a couple times, out of sheer frustration and annoyance. It's a helpless feeling. Especially when you LOVE the person who is making you want to kill. I feel very conflicted. And then I feel guilty. Guilt sucks.
To make matters worse (or better?), I am supposed to hear about a new job today (I hope!) that I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. I truly have no idea if I'll get it. I have a good feeling...and then I have a bad feeling. So I'm telling myself that I did not get it. So if I did not get it, I'll be ok. If I did get it, SURPRISE! Weird way of dealing, but it works. I just wish we would hear something today. I'm starting to get pissed off at the amount of time they are letting us sit in limbo.
Life at home is good. :) We're steadily working on the house and Toby is doing a lot of fix-er-upper type stuff (new mirrors in the bathrooms, recessed lighting in the showers, etc.) We (and by we, I mean HE) are going to be putting up a new fence this weekend, hopefully. And then we can let Abby outside again! That will help with the dog hair tumbleweeds that are currently taking over the house; since she has had to be inside 24/7. It will also help with Easter getting more acclimated to her new home. She'll be able to venture out of the back bedroom without a huge dog in her face. Easter is doing well, but still growling at Abby when she gets too close...Fun times.
We ordered a new computer last week and should be getting it tomorrow. It is AWESOME and should be able to launch shuttles into outer space with all the STUFF on it. We paid a lot, but not a lot for what is has, if that makes sense. (I'm trying to justify my buyer's remorse. I ALWAYS get buyer's remorse with big purchases.) When we get the new computer, I will be able to download the program you have to use to post pictures here so I can enhance my blogging experience. :)
In addition to a new computer, we also bought a TRUCK!!!!!!! And funny thing is, this is the first purchase where I did not have buyer's remorse - I guess because I KNOW for a fact that we got a steal. We bought it from Toby's boss and it's a 2003 Dodge RAM 1500 with an extended cab (4 doors - so it's a family vehicle) and it only has 40K miles. It's fully loaded with anything you would ever want, and it's silver. :) It's a hot lookin' truck. It was valued at 8k MORE than what we paid. YAY!! I got the loan through my Credit Union and it was the easiest car buying experience I have ever had by far! Toby should be bringing it home today.
In other (more important) news...
Cece's Mom (my 2nd mom) had cancer surgery again last week. They found more under her arm so they went in to remove it. Once in, they found that it had spread into her muscle so they removed that too...but that was more than expected so she's going to be a little more sore. But she'll be fine. Cece said that she was cracking jokes on the phone so that's typical Carol. Mom and I plan to go see her in the next week or so.... I'll make her look at all the wedding pictures.
The Elletts are doing well, so I have heard from Linda and Christy. I had planned to meet them at New Hanover yesterday for the 9:45am service. HOWEVER, I was a big DUMMY and forgot to set my clock for Daylight Savings Time. I've only done that one other time in my life - and I showed up an hour early for work. But this time, I missed church and that made me very mad. I was MORE upset that it looked like I stood them up. I will be there next week.
I guess I just feel like I have a lot on my mind and I actually feel clumsy and out of sorts. Like I can't "get it together." And we all know what an organization freak I am! It's just strange - and I hope this passes sooner than later. I think hearing about this job will help me. I'll know what to DO!
Either
1. Pick myself up by my boot straps and start getting control with my current job and start digging deep for positive aspects that I can cultivate.
OR
2. Start the huge overhauling process of changing jobs and look forward to a needed change!!
I think my unsettled feeling is because I have had depressing things happen as well as exciting things; and I haven't had the time to indulge myself in either emotion - and this makes me feel crazy. Does that make any sense at all???
Oh well. Deep breath. I will post as soon as I hear that I got the job. (haha. Think positive! Like Carol Bock has preached to me since I was 10. Obviously, it works!)
Last week was drama filled at work and I have really grown to dread my job. Maybe that is why I feel like A LOT has been going on because my adrenaline level has been at 100% for a week trying to deal with stuff. I hate that I hate going to work because for so long, I looked forward to it. But over the past year or so, it has slowly morphed into something I really don't enjoy and now I feel like it has hit a peak. And it's not fun. Last week, I came close to tears a couple times, out of sheer frustration and annoyance. It's a helpless feeling. Especially when you LOVE the person who is making you want to kill. I feel very conflicted. And then I feel guilty. Guilt sucks.
To make matters worse (or better?), I am supposed to hear about a new job today (I hope!) that I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. I truly have no idea if I'll get it. I have a good feeling...and then I have a bad feeling. So I'm telling myself that I did not get it. So if I did not get it, I'll be ok. If I did get it, SURPRISE! Weird way of dealing, but it works. I just wish we would hear something today. I'm starting to get pissed off at the amount of time they are letting us sit in limbo.
Life at home is good. :) We're steadily working on the house and Toby is doing a lot of fix-er-upper type stuff (new mirrors in the bathrooms, recessed lighting in the showers, etc.) We (and by we, I mean HE) are going to be putting up a new fence this weekend, hopefully. And then we can let Abby outside again! That will help with the dog hair tumbleweeds that are currently taking over the house; since she has had to be inside 24/7. It will also help with Easter getting more acclimated to her new home. She'll be able to venture out of the back bedroom without a huge dog in her face. Easter is doing well, but still growling at Abby when she gets too close...Fun times.
We ordered a new computer last week and should be getting it tomorrow. It is AWESOME and should be able to launch shuttles into outer space with all the STUFF on it. We paid a lot, but not a lot for what is has, if that makes sense. (I'm trying to justify my buyer's remorse. I ALWAYS get buyer's remorse with big purchases.) When we get the new computer, I will be able to download the program you have to use to post pictures here so I can enhance my blogging experience. :)
In addition to a new computer, we also bought a TRUCK!!!!!!! And funny thing is, this is the first purchase where I did not have buyer's remorse - I guess because I KNOW for a fact that we got a steal. We bought it from Toby's boss and it's a 2003 Dodge RAM 1500 with an extended cab (4 doors - so it's a family vehicle) and it only has 40K miles. It's fully loaded with anything you would ever want, and it's silver. :) It's a hot lookin' truck. It was valued at 8k MORE than what we paid. YAY!! I got the loan through my Credit Union and it was the easiest car buying experience I have ever had by far! Toby should be bringing it home today.
In other (more important) news...
Cece's Mom (my 2nd mom) had cancer surgery again last week. They found more under her arm so they went in to remove it. Once in, they found that it had spread into her muscle so they removed that too...but that was more than expected so she's going to be a little more sore. But she'll be fine. Cece said that she was cracking jokes on the phone so that's typical Carol. Mom and I plan to go see her in the next week or so.... I'll make her look at all the wedding pictures.
The Elletts are doing well, so I have heard from Linda and Christy. I had planned to meet them at New Hanover yesterday for the 9:45am service. HOWEVER, I was a big DUMMY and forgot to set my clock for Daylight Savings Time. I've only done that one other time in my life - and I showed up an hour early for work. But this time, I missed church and that made me very mad. I was MORE upset that it looked like I stood them up. I will be there next week.
I guess I just feel like I have a lot on my mind and I actually feel clumsy and out of sorts. Like I can't "get it together." And we all know what an organization freak I am! It's just strange - and I hope this passes sooner than later. I think hearing about this job will help me. I'll know what to DO!
Either
1. Pick myself up by my boot straps and start getting control with my current job and start digging deep for positive aspects that I can cultivate.
OR
2. Start the huge overhauling process of changing jobs and look forward to a needed change!!
I think my unsettled feeling is because I have had depressing things happen as well as exciting things; and I haven't had the time to indulge myself in either emotion - and this makes me feel crazy. Does that make any sense at all???
Oh well. Deep breath. I will post as soon as I hear that I got the job. (haha. Think positive! Like Carol Bock has preached to me since I was 10. Obviously, it works!)
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