Letter to my unborn child

I'm fighting the gags today. But it's a different type of gag. (Good sign, maybe?) It's not the constant, all-day nausea anymore...it's more of the "I'm-going-to-throw-up-right-now" variety. WHICH had me running all over the building this morning in search of an empty bathroom so I could yack. Not an easy feat. But I lucked out.

Dear Baby,
If you can hear my prayers, cries, begs, pleads.... how about not killing me with your powerful baby hormones anymore. I think I got the picture - you're one strong little bean already. You are going to give me a run for my money and probably will continue to do so for the rest of my life. That is FINE! We'll deal. Just let me feel normal again, for a little while. So I can ATLEAST get your room ready. Would that be OK? Thanks.

This weekend was pretty good.

I met Melissa for pedicures on Saturday morning and then a nice lunch at O'Charley's. I started feeling a little woozy but it was managable. Toby and I then made the journey (and I mean LONG journey) out to Goochland to see that house. It took us an hour to get there; but we did take the scenic route down Rt. 6 because we had the time... We pulled up to the house and our agent was already there. We got out and she said "Well, I hope ya'll are in a good mood." The homeowners had left big signs on all the doors that said "Dear Real Estate Agent and Potential Home Buyers, We are really sorry but we are not able to show the house this weekend. We told our agent, Joy Alfonso, this 2 days ago. We are sorry if she did not tell you."

What?? Why would YOU know that SHE didn't tell us? I smell drama. I also smell piles of GARBAGE thrown all over the yard and 65 little yippy dogs that I can hear running all around in the locked house. NO THANKS. We won't be pursuing that house. Maybe Joy Alfonso did us a favor; even though it was classless and rude. Those people don't want to sell. People who WANT to sell their homes actually SHOW IT and they clean up their yards... however, I bet it was not pretty on the inside either. Not a big loss - although it was a tad disappointing....

I started to feel kind of bad when we got home so I retired to the water bed and Toby went to our friend Chris Botkin's birthday party - these are mostly Toby's friends but I know them all and used to hang out with everyone.... I asked if he told everyone I was sick and he said "No one really asks anymore. They just assume." THAT made me feel effin great. Whatever...........

On Sunday, I FELT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING ALL DAY LONG. I kept waiting for the sickness to hit, but it never did. It was a miracle. We got A LOT done on the house. We cleaned and made giant piles for the Goodwill and moved a lot of furniture from room to room... each step working towards clearing out the junk room (AKA future nursery.) It felt GREAT to get the stuff done that I had been dreaming about for weeks and weeks but was too sick to accomplish.

After all that, I took a nap since I was worn the hell out! Later, we ate dinner and watched The Shawshank Redemption in our newly rearranged living room. Toby had seen Shawshank 500 times and I have NEVER seen it! It was a great movie..... and kept me up past 9pm which is UNHEARD OF these days!! I slept well last night and woke rested and feeling well.....

Until the ride into work which leads you, dear reader, back up to the first paragraph of this entry.... Damnit.

Oh, Happy Day! (so far)

So, I had to leave yesterday at 2pm because I was not getting better...I got worse.

I left in a huff. Very frustrated that I was having to leave work early...I think the guilt is getting to me and it's ALL self-induced because my boss is incredible and understanding. I was walking to my car when all of a sudden I run into the Director of my old department. He's a young guy whose wife had a baby about 6 months ago. We are always talking about Emory (his daughter) and he still sends me pictures of her in e-mail - but I have never met her in person. Well, there he was pushing her towards me in her fancy Bugaboo Frog stroller. I said "No way!! You have no idea how much I need this right now." I have been growing increasingly depressed with my sickness, I truly needed this live baby reminder of WHY I am going through such a hard time right now.

Emory is just precious. She was dressed to the nines and her Dad was just beaming. This was the first time he brought her to work to show her off and the probability of him actually running into me (now that I am on a different floor) was almost 0%. It was truly fate and God's way of reminding me of what I have to look forward to and why I am "suffering."

After my visit in the parking lot, I picked up my refill of Zofran...and went to Mom and Dad's house and hung out there in preparation for that evening. I was not going to miss my brother's going away dinner. I took a nap over there and watched some TV (Baby Stories on TLC which succeeded in scaring the poop out of me) until everyone got there. It was a very nice evening - I just wish I had felt better.

I got home around 8:30 and went to bed. I actually slept really well for once. I took a Zofran at my usual time of 7:30 am this morning...and have since felt pretty darn good. Went to Kohl's at lunch to check out the sales and got a few things...I usually have to take another pill around noon - but here it is 2:50 and I have not had to take one and I'm still feeling good.

And that's all I am going to say about this for fear of jinxing myself.

This baby better be really cute.

I felt great yesterday with my new dosage of doubled-up medicine. So good, in fact, I called Toby on the way home and we decided to meet for Dinner at our old hangout, Glory Days. I got there first and immediately ordered a house salad because I was starving... He got there and ordered the whole menu - it's amazing how much he can eat and stay so thin! (butthead) I got the Grilled Chicken Wrap and fries. I ate most of the wrap and no fries (Toby ate those too)....and within 5 minutes of paying the bill, I was behind the dumpster in the parking lot "doing my thing." GAH! It's like someone flips a switch and I go from good to bad in 2.5 seconds. This continued most of the night (I'm well rested today, let me tell ya. That was sarcasm.) and I'm still struggling this morning. I hope that as the day goes on, I get better.

I really hope I do get to feeling better because I am supposed to go to my parents' house this evening for a little going-away gathering for Matt. Not exactly the most happiest of occassions. He has been home for over 2 months; this time saying good-bye is going to be harder. The extended time he has been home PLUS pregnancy hormones? It might not be pretty. Hopefully I'll hold myself together until I get in the car for my drive home. Then I can do the ugly cry all I want! The next time I'll see him is in March when the band comes through Norfolk, VA for a show. That is, IF I am feeling better and can be 2 hours away from home in a smokey concert venue late at night... The thought of that right now kills me....but I'd do it - for my brother. Not sure when I'll see him again after March.... Hopefully before his niece or nephew gets here!

I would like to add some pictures to my blogs...but I'll have to do that from home. For some reason, my company has blocked us from all photo album sites (Shutterfly, Photobucket, Picturetrail, Yahoo Photos, etc....) Does anyone know the reason for this? Seriously! I want to know. I understand why we can not access outside e-mail accounts - because the company can't control them and the threat of viruses. I understand why we can't access sites with porno, gambling, personals, etc and if we TRY to go to a "bad" site, we get the black screen of death that says ACCESS DENIED... But why photo albums? Were people looking at porn on those???? I think I just answered my own question. But really - if you know why this blockage exists, fill me in.

Short but sweet

So, has anyone else seen the HORROR that is the new Kraft cheese crumbles commercial that is airing now? The one that is to the tune of that 80's song by EMF "Your Unbelievable?" Except the words are:

"They're CRUMBelievable. Oh!"

Whoever came up with that shit needs to be punched in the face. But the reality is that whoever came up with that probably makes 40 times my salary and drives a company Lexus.

In other news, after a really good night last night (I went to the mall! And returned pants! And bought a book! And ate a sandwich in the food court! And didn't puke!) I have had a bad day today... just sitting at my desk fighting the nausea. I finally decided to call my OB's nurse and just ask her if it's possible to become immune to the Zofran - because it certainly feels like that is what has happened. And to my "delight" she said it was possible to build up a resitance - so to double my dosage at night. Tonight will be my first experiement. Wish me luck.

Rockin' the skirts

We were not able to go look at the house this weekend. The people who live there were having family in town and didn't want to show it. Alrighty then. Glad you are so eager to sell..... But anyway - we rescheduled for this evening at 6:15 - which was a tad dangerous to schedule that time in the first place due to my "reverse vampire" condition....Although that is now taken care of as Toby just called from home. He left work early because he is sick - so we had to reschedule the house viewing for next Saturday at 2pm. I think this will work better for me, anyways. I won't be worried about having to rush to the bathroom at a stranger's home I am touring. :) And who knows...maybe by this Saturday, the whole entire sickness will be a thing of the past!! (snort)

Motion City was on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Friday night. Another exciting television viewing of my awesome brother. They did so well!! I could definitely tell that they were not as nervous as they were when they performed on Conan. The Kimmel show just seemed like a totally different, relaxed vibe. It looked like a mini-concert with kids standing in front of them in a little "pit" formation. I was disappointed at the song choice - I wished they didn't do "Everything is Alright" again. But they made up for it by closing the show with my favorite song "Time Turned Fragile." Cece was actually at the taping (she lives in Hollywood) and was Matt's green room guest. She said it was a cool experience - and I'm jealous! Atleast I got to attend Conan back in August...and I am sure there will be many more television opportunities! (Although not many for me unless they allow infants backstage.)

The rest of my weekend was rather uneventful, as usual. I was pleased that I felt pretty good on Friday night. Toby went out with the boys - and I stocked up on my usual gossip magazines and read until I fell asleep. (I had set my alarm for 12:30 am to catch the Kimmel show...) Saturday was spent in bed all day; except for meals. We were supposed to go see the house but that was canceled. And then we were supposed to go to my mother-in-law's for dinner; but Toby starting coming down with a really bad cold...and I was suffering my usual post sunset fate...so we had to call and cancel that too. I really was bummed because I wanted to go and I wanted to see my neice. I have not seen her since Christmas! On Sunday, I met Mom, Dad, Matt, and Kristen at Cheesecake Factory for a less than stellar lunch. The company was wonderful; the food was blah. I'm not liking C.F. that much anymore (ex: SMOOTH omlette. Bleck! Matt will understand that reference...) And after lunch, we braved the bitter cold (why oh why do we have outdoor malls in an area that actually has WINTERS??) and Mom and Dad took me to Motherhood Maternity and got me a few items of clothing that I so desperately need....

And that leads me to my next topic of discussion: Maternity Clothes. I love the shirts. They are too cute. I LOVE being able to "hide" my stomach and not have to hold it in or buy clothing to "camaflauge" it and pretend it's not there - atleast for the next 6 months. It's a wonderful, liberating feeling. "I have a big fat stomach! I'm pregnant! I have an excuse!" (Even if I shouldn't really be USING that excuse for another month or so....oh well. I am loving skirts and tights. They have SUCH cute skirts on sale at Motherhood. And most of them are around $6!! And they are comfortable! Can't beat that at all!!

However, pregnancy has not saved me from my usual enemy: Pants.

I friggin hate pants. And I hate jeans. And I THOUGHT I hated them before pregnancy. Haha. It has gotten worse, if possible. I have posted SEVERAL pants/jeans-related rants on Dotties over the years.... I'm short... I have a big stomach area and a gigantic spare tire that developed over the past year or so...My thighs are tree trunks... None of today's pants (with 10000% stretch) compliment any of these attributes; much less ALL of them at once. Pants and jeans have started to look like tights (AKA sausage casings) on me; and that ain't pretty.

I have found a couple pair of yoga-type pants that are working, they are loose in the thigh with a nice boot cut to balance out the thigh/hip area - but those are for the weekend, not for work. And not for anywhere I have to look decent.

I think my fate is skirts. Skirts with tights for winter; and long flowy ones with sandles for summer. I may just have to resign myself to that and not subject myself to any more trying-on-of-the-pants episodes. It's just not worth it. So this afternoon, I am stopping back by Motherhood to return the one pair of black pants I bought without trying on because I was worn out and they LOOKED like they might work. They didn't.

Moral of that story: get used to seeing me in skirts, people!

When the sun sets, it's throw-up time!

I think I have figured out that I am a reverse vampire.

I am GREAT for the first 2 hours when I get up - which is odd, because that's when normal pregnant women are usually puking....

Then I start to feel kind of bad starting around 10am - but I can still function - thanks to the meds....

But around 5pm when the sun sets, all hell breaks loose and I am SICK. Yesterday I almost didn't make it into the house when I got home from work. Gross. But last night was better than previous nights so there is still hope!

Come on feeling good! It's time for you to be a part of my life again.

Toby and I are going to look at a house in Goochland tomorrow. We are not actively house hunting...but I'm always browsing online. I came across this one weeks ago and it was slightly out of our price range so I ignored it....but when I saw it again yesterday, the price has been lowered and it's now do-able! So, we're going to look.

It's in an area outside of Richmond that we want to end up in for the rest of our lives. It's rather country - but not too far from stuff (the mall, most importantly.) It will be about a 40 minute drive to work for each of us. Which is what I have to drive now anyway - but is a CONSIDERABLE increase in Toby's drive which is about 1 minute currently. But he said it's worth it. Plus, he drives a company van so he won't pay gas anyway - he'll just have to get up earlier. hehe.

This house is DOUBLE the square footage of our current house. It is a quad level house with a basement and an unfinished 3rd floor room which can be an office/SCRAPBOOK WORKSHOP! (YAY!) In the basement is an "in-law's suite" with a kitchen - perfect for overnight guests such as parents who want to come help with a certain little baby.

And the basement would most likely be the home for the pooping cat. Problem solved. :)

I'll update after we check it out... It might be a hunk of junk. Or it might be just what we want. Never know unless you try!

Hide and Seek Baby

Today is CLOSE to the worst day of sickness yet...and it's definitely the worst day of sickness AT WORK I have experienced thus far. I have to keep taking big, deep breaths and I'm sipping ginger ale to keep from puking on my desk. I need to go home but the guilt will kill me. I'm being stubborn but I don't want this pregnancy to affect my attendence - atleast not this early and not for something less than serious. Blah blah blah. I'm stupid. But I also have a meeting at 4pm that I don't want to have to reschedule, so I'm trying to hang.

But I don't understand! It's like the medication has pooped out - like it's not even in my system. I'm just so frustrated..........

In other POSITIVE news (because Carol Bock taught me to "think positive!") I got to hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday. It was so strong and fast and cute!

The little bugger scared me at first though...it took a long time to find the heartbeat...and I was getting nervous...and my Dr. said jokingly "I don't like it when these children allude me like this! We're going to find this heartbeat!" And after a few minutes, he found it. The kid was up high - hiding from us. :)

THAT is what keeps me sane - knowing what I have to look forward to.

Diagnosis: Cat Thyroid

Saying that I am tired is the understatment of the millenium. I don't think I have EVER been this tired - and this is after all-nighters at raves in college and having to go to class all the next day. (Who am I kidding - I skipped those classes) but ANYWAY...I am damn TIRED. And dangerously close to curling up under my desk and taking a 9 hour snooze.

I got "Phils to Go" last night. My company has a wonderful little program on Tuesdays and Thursdays where you can get dinner for 2 to go...and rent a DVD...for a little over $10. Last night was stuffed shells and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Toby fell asleep right when the squirrel part was coming up...and I threw up (per the usual)...so I just went to bed and left him sleeping on the couch. We are WILD these days, I tell ya. So basically, I was in the bed at 8pm and I'm STILL this exhausted. I'm going to try to finish watching the movie tonight but there is no guarantees. I might have to stretch ONE frickin movie into a THREE night viewing. ha! Pathetique.

The cat saga that started that the beginning of this week has sort of died down....it has not been swept under the rug again....but is essentially on the back-burner at the moment. I did take Easter to the Vet yesterday for a good grooming (Lion Cut!) and I had them do a check-up/evaluation on her. I had one done at another vet back in September but I really wasn't too happy with them....so I drove Easter back to Lakeside where I used to live to the good Vet that she went to over there...

The Vet called me yesterday and the first thing she said is "I got your girl Easter here. She's quite the nervous kitty, huh?" And I laughed and said "Yeah, I'm pretty much the only person she's cool with" and she said "Well I'm glad she's cool with SOMEONE and can enjoy life."

Waaaahhh! Now the task of finding her a new home is REALLY unappealing...as if it could have been any more unappealing than what it already was....

She then went on to tell me that she thinks Easter is...get this...HYPERTHYROID.

Jesus H.

Some of you may remember my very own medical saga which lasted nearly all of 2005 where I was in and out of Dr offices, saw an Endocrinologist, had an MRI done....all because I was believed to maybe have hypothyroid...which I ended up not having...which I'm thankful for...but anyway - Now my damn CAT may have to be on thyroid meds.

She also urged me to have a Senior Screening done; which I did, to the tune of a million dollars...and we should be getting the results back from the lab next week. This will determine if there is anything medically wrong with Easter...which could possibly leading to the defecation outside of the litter box problem.

If there is nothing wrong, then we'll look into other things. She (the Vet) assured me that we would work on this problem and try to figure it out...I told her it was to the point where I might have to find a new home for her as this problem is making MY home unbearable. I'm glad I have her help now.

I'm not writing ads at the moment and I'm not pursuing any new homes. I'm really hopeful that this can get fixed. I just pray that it can get fixed BEFORE I have to declare bankruptcy because of Vet bills. We already live paycheck to paycheck - and not to mention all of the stuff that needs to happen (home improvements) and things that need to be purchased for Baby. Like, say, a CRIB.

It will all work out in the end and I just need to take things one day at a time right now.

Comedic Relief

My aunt just called me and told me she was riding down the road, listening to Lite 98, when someone called in and requested that "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins be played - and to dedicate it to Stephanie and her cat!!!!

I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time. Thank you whoever did it!

And it very well may just be a coincidence - a very STRONG coincidence. But that's ok. It still made me laugh and I am thankful for that too.

On an emotional roller coaster...

And I have a feeling I am going to be on this ride for a long time..... but it's ok. It's all going to be ok.

So, my previous entry was written by my multiple personality, I think. The situation remains the same. Things have to dramatically change with Easter (and Katie too) for there to be lasting peace in my household. And the baby is still coming. :)

But I think I had convinced myself that just taking the cats to the SPCA was the RIGHT thing to do and it had to happen NOW. I had just had it. I hit my limit. That was the last straw. It had to be over. (Pregnancy emotions can be a tad urgent, I'm finding.) I had also talked myself into believing that things would be better without the cats - that the poop, cathair, hairballs, cries in the night would all be gone and life would become wonderful. But the truth is, those things never truly bothered me. Is the TURMOIL it causes in my house that I despise and that stress me out.... I think after seeing me have near-breakdowns, Toby realized that maybe we do need more time to figure something else out; and hopefully he'll be more sensitive when a "bad cat" thing does happen- and not blow the roof off the place.

After 2 days of being crazed...and talking to anyone who would listen...and listening to wise advice from people on both sides of the issue...and crying at my desk, in my car, and in my bed...and MOST IMPORTANTLY listening to the wise words and advice from Chantel, who has unfortunately BTDT... We have decided to take a little more time and I am going to try to find nice, loving homes for the cats myself. I figure I will network, place ads, do research, talk to the vet... whatever I can do. If I have not been successful after awhile, the situation will be revisited.

I am also going to try a few behavior modification products and tips and tricks that were suggested to me over the past few days (thank you, everyone.) Who knows? Maybe the problem will get fixed and we'll be able to keep Easter (the pooper) and STILL be able to have a nice, peaceful home? That would be my dream.

I'm just going to try harder. That's the bottom line. I think I have just gotten so fed up and depressed at the whole deal, I have slacked on trying to FIX the problem and just ignored it and it has gotten out of control.

I also think that throwing up 5 times a day for 1.5 months straight does something to your brain cells.

Keep saying prayers for me, if you will.