Did not Equinox. Yet.

I went to the dealership last night and can I just say:

I LOVE THE EQUINOX!

I test drove it and it drives like a dream. Like I was floating on a cloud. It's MUCH bigger than what I am used to; but I know I would get used to it soon. It's great to be up high and actually SEE the road! It's wonderful.

HOWEVER, they wanted to give me poop for my trade-in. Thus making my pay-off amount (the deficit) on my Eclipse astronomical!!

So, I have decided to sell my car myself. The dealership wanted to give me only 5K for my 2002 Eclipse with 38K miles! NO! I looked on the internet and these cars are selling for 8 and 9K...SO, I am going to start advertising and sell it myself and deal with that first. I'll take out a small personal loan at my Credit Union to pay off whatever deficit is left....

THEN, I will go back to the dealership and buy the Equinox on my own as a separate transaction; with no trade-in or negative equity to mess with. THUS ENDING THE SNOWBALL CYCLE! That feels good to say that.

Granted, I won't get the "Employee Discount" that ends on Monday but the extra money I will make selling it myself will make up for it. And hopefully I can negotiate the list price down some. But honestly (don't tell the dealer this) I think the base price for the Equinox is TOTALLY affordable for what it is. Did I mention that I love it?

So, I'm pleased with this car plan! I feel peace. Finally.

To Equinox? Or not to Equinox? That is the question.

I want that car and I might go buy it this weekend! I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the overwhelming urge to get it. I've been eyeing SUVs for a year, but now I've got some sort of fire under my butt to do it NOW. Should I??? I'm scared!!!!

I hate buying a car. I hate dealerships. I feel like everyone is out to screw me. I have a "special" situation where my trade-in is a BAZILLION dollars upside-down in value because of that year of deferred payments in the beginning...so it's really not going to be as FUN of an experience as it would be if I was just going to make an easy trade and pay some money and get a car. It's SCARY. I feel like every decision I make regarding a new car is going to haunt me forever and after I die, it will haunt my children and my children's children. All this stuff about VALUE and RESALE, and blah blah blah.

I just want a practical family vehicle that will accomodate children (when we have them) and lots of storage for STUFF and a trunk that opens with ease that I won't have to be an accomplished weight lifter to get it open to put my groceries in. Is that too much to ask?

(Oh yeah, the FABULOUS Chevy Employee Discount runs out on Monday.)

So what should I do?

"Next Time" is NOW

I have 45 minutes to waste - I mean, WORK - and I am going to tell stories RIGHT NOW and update this here blog and henceforth will KEEP IT UP-DO-DATE. I just typed "henceforth."

So, my brother visited last weekend and it was nice. I took off work last Friday and picked him up from the airport. We then went shopping. He is FANTASTIC to shop with - he's one of them "metro-sexuals" and actually enjoys clothes and shoes and smelly body products. My husband, on the other hand, would rather poke his own eye out with a dull pencil than go shopping. But sometimes he'll offer to go with me...which is nice...and bless his heart...but...it's not really fun to go to Kohl's with the mission of finding new pants (we all know what a feat that is...) and have your husband stand there and stare at you and tap his foot and look around and sigh and subconsciously let you know that he is MISERABLE. I usually look for about 2 minutes and then offer to just come back myself some other time. It's sweet that he offers but really, I like to ENJOY my shopping. Not feel rushed. I have no problems roaming a store for 3 hours... and neither does Matt!!! I love that boy.

When he was home, I purchased his "old" digital camera - which is actually a very nice, rather expensive Canon Powershot S400. He wants something newer and better. I feel like I got the deal of the century. I've had fun this week playing with it and learning how it works...I plan to become a full-out picture whore! And this leads me to my new hobby....(not the whore part)...

SCRAPBOOKING!!

I am attending my first ever "Christmas in July" all-day scrapbooking workshop hosted by some Creative Memories sales women in the area. I'm going with my cousin Jenn (who introduced me to this hobby.) It's my understanding that it's just a group of women who meet (this time we're meeting at a church) and set up their stuff and sit and scrap all day! But you get to share supplies and they sell supplies there and they give away door prizes. I'm so stoked! Does this mean I am officially a geek?

The Dottie's Weight Loss Zone Twenties Challenge is well-underway and everyone is doing SO WELL! I'm really proud of all of us. Here is the food journal that I am keeping on the DWLZ site...we all post in each other's journals and offer support, encouragement, and/or a kick in the pants if needed. So you can actually look at that journal and see what I have been eating and how much I have been exercising...and then give me YOUR opinion as to why I keep gaining weight. :) Yes, I am still harping on this issue and will continue to do so until I get some answers... But anyway, I'm eating healthy and really proud of myself since I'm not getting any PHYSICAL results from my actions.

Here are my fellow challengers. Aren't we beautiful?


We meet up again on November 12 in Richmond and I need to get started on planning a fun and affordable weekend for all of us. Any suggestions?

It's now 4:41 pm and I'm ready to head home. I have an exciting night of cleaning, dishes, and organizing scrapbook supplies ahead of me. And maybe cleaning up some cat poop. But I am the lucky one that gets to do that EVERY NIGHT! (Shout out to Ms. Easter)

So, I feel good about this update. See you next week! (If not before, now that I feel like I got my Blogspot mojo back.)

Safe weekends, everyone. Especially you, Liv and Mike.

Long Overdue Update

I am really going to get better about updating this thang. Especially since it will now be one of the sole means of communication to a very special friend in Texas. (Hi Liv!)

So....lots of nothing going on here.... No life altering events, just LIFE. Which is just fine with me at the moment. :)

Now my BROTHER'S life on the other hand is pretty darn exciting. And I try to live vicariously through him. (More on MCS next time...)

Matt was home for a few days this past weekend. I did not think I would get to see him until WARPED TOUR in Virginia Beach on August 9...but he was able to come home for a long weekend. It was great to see him, as always. I took Friday off of work and picked him up at the lovely RIC that is under construction. When Matt emerged from the plane, the first thing he said was "Richmond is the hottest f*ing place on the planet" as sweat rolled down his face. I said "Yep. Ain't it grand?!" As if I don't feel like a giant pig already, put me in 100+ degrees and I'm REALLY feeling super. (More about Matt's visit next time...)

My body is still plotting against me as I anxiously await the Endocrinologist appt on August 12. I'm doing great with Weight Watchers - on all fronts (food, exercising more, water consumption) but neither the scale nor the tightness of my pants are feeling the need to reward me YET. But they will. And I will be victorious against my fat ass. And I will take all of my friends' money. (More on the DWLZ challenge next time...)

Can you tell I'm in a rush to get this posted? I figure if I mention things I want to talk about later, I won't forget. Hold me to it.

I'm leaving in a few minutes to get on the interstate (before rush hour) to go to my photographer's house and pick up my wedding album!! Then Mom is making me go by her house. She is having her girlfriends over for dinner and for hot tub and pool time...and she said "it would be great if you would swing by with the pictures...HINT HINT" So that's where I'll be this evening. :) (More on pictures, scrapbooking, and my new digital camera next time....) LOL!

In the meantime, here's our dog.

Hitch is good. Life is good.

Have you guys seen this movie? I rented it from the store at work yesterday and Toby and I watched it last night and both of us just loved it. I don't think we have 100% agreed on loving a movie this much since Old School. Kevin James had me nearly peeing in my pants. (The dancing scene! Kevin James, "I'm startin a fire. Makin a pizza. Here come the q-tips." And Will Smith, "This is home. This is where you stay.") Hilarious.

And the overall message of the movie is fantastic. It was so funny, but so touching at the same time. It made us feel good. :)

And I think it inspired my wonderful husband because he surprised me this morning. He gets up 2 hours before I have to...so in that 2 hours, he downloaded a CD off of the computer for me and had it sitting on the kitchen table with a nice note. It is a CD of a Kevin James stand-up routine "Sweat the small stuff." So I spent my morning commute laughing my head off, which is a PERFECT way to start the day.

Go rent Hitch!

Rambling on the 4th

We've had a really great 4-day weekend for the 4th of July...and what did we do?

NOTHING.

THAT'S why it has been so good! For once, we did nothing unless WE wanted to. We didn't do anything for anyone else. We didn't feel guilted into showing up somewhere. We laid around. Piddled around the house. Cleaned some. Went to Target. Bought a couple books. Took naps. Listened to my body's energy level (which is still low) and didn't force it to go anything it didn't want to do.

And it was lovely.

Our only "drama" is about Abby, the dog. Toby is at the emergency vet (hello $$$$) right now with her...she's got some kind of break-out on her skin and she's shaking and convulsing. So, OF COURSE every time we get a TAD bit ahead, something eats away our money. And this would be it. But it's OK. That dog is his LIFE so any money to fix her is worth it. But DAAAMMMNNN!

I'm heading to Mom and Dad's house in a minute for the family pool party. :) Should be wonderful. Toby is going to stay here with Abby. I probably won't stay at M and D's long because I'd like to get home and mentally prepare for heading back to work tomorrow.

I know I am weird.

Tomorrow I need to crack down and get a menu plan going for the week - and coming weeks. We've been eating "for convenience" lately which involves a lot of leftovers and frozen foods. I have not been eating very many vegetables - although I'm doing well with fruit. I just need to GET IT IN GEAR ALREADY. I am also taking my workout pants and shoes to work tomorrow and will find 30 minutes to go walk. Even if it's at 1.2 speed and no incline. I need to get back into some sort of activity. I think I'll get Dad to blow up my Exercise Ball today when I am over there. He's got the air compressor - so I don't have to sit here for 10 years trying to blow it up with that crappy little THING they include in the box - know what I'm talking about? Geez!!

Anyway, I need to get back to health. For me. For Toby. For US and our FUTURE. Some of this is out of my control right now. And some of it is not - and THAT is the part that I need to do something about.

Happy 4th, ya'll!

Stronghold

Life is good. It really is.

Sometimes you have to muddle through bad to get to the good. And then since you were IN the bad, you appreciate the good all the more.

How's THAT for deep and insightful????

And actually, that's all I'm going to say. I went through bad, and now I feel good.

I'm feeling a little better physically. I truly feel that I am one of those people who when they are under a lot of stress, they are affected physically more than mentally. I already feel lighter and peppier - and hope to start exercising regularly again soon. My Restless Leg is still there - and probably always will be - but I just need to learn how to manage it better. I bought some all-natural restless leg medicine that I should be receiving in the mail soon. Can't hurt to try! And it has a 100% guarantee.

I think I ate 6 hamburgers last week. LOL! We grilled out a lot of burgers on Father's Day and had tons left over so that's what I have been grabbing for quick, easy meals. THAT needs to stop. But other than that, I do enjoy healthy eating and I don't think I ever abandoned that; even during stressful times - but I certainly can do better.

I'm still keeping my endocrinology appt for August - but I won't be shocked if they don't find anything wrong again.

Like my brother said in an e-mail yesterday- "It's pretty amazing what a stronghold your MIND has over your BODY."

He's a wise boy, that Rockstar.

Reflections

This may be a long one... Been doing a lot of thinking. (Uh oh! Look out!)

I feel like a stranger in my own body. I'm constantly hurting, feeling funny, getting fatter, being exhausted, aching, feeling crazy, not sleeping, getting upset and stressed, etc etc etc.

It's so hard!!!

You know what else is hard? Being married.

You know what is harder? Getting married and LIVING TOGETHER for the first time.

You know what is the hardEST??

All of these things mixed together at once.
I wouldn't recommend it.

But here I am . Doing it. Barely. But I'm doing it. And I have faith that I (we) will make it through all this and be better people (and a better couple) for it....but it's HARD. I ain't gone lie.

Been trying to decipher my health problems too... There are so many factors that it COULD be making me feel this crazy way....going off birth control, going off anti-depressant, getting back on the anti-depressant, wrong dosage of anti-depressant, restless leg causing exhaustion thus causing depression thus causing exhaustion and weight gain. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHAT THE HECK IS IT?? For an obsessive compulsive planner like myself, this is not my chosen way of living - in limbo. I want some answers! And thing seem to be getting worse....

Lately, my Restless Leg is OUT OF CONTROL. http://www.restlessleg.net/#1

I can't fall to sleep because of my legs. It takes me FOREVER. When I can't fall asleep, I think about things. We all know about that time right before you fall asleep when you mind goes a little nuts with EVERYTHING you could possibly worry about going through your mind...well, you get the picture. So, I am anxious and have to keep moving and flexing my legs so they don't EXPLODE. I eventually start feeling guily that I am keeping Toby up so I move to the futon in the other room. I supposed I eventually pass out from exhaustion because I wake up the next day and wonder "when did I fall asleep?" but I know it was LATE because the last time I looked at the clock it was LATE. And even when I am sleeping, my body really isn't because of the RLS, so it's like I never even slept. It's getting increasingly bad lately with atleast 4 nights a week spent on the futon. So lately I'm starting to think maybe THIS is the ROOT of all of the health problems... Like the beginning of a cruel chain reaction of health disorders!!??

Regardless, my Dr. made an appointment for me for an endocrinologist at St. Mary's Hospital for August 12. That is the absolute earliest that they had. Nice.

I am waiting for my medical records from my PCP. Once I get those, I am going to try to find a new PCP that specializes in Internal Medicine. I have a couple recommendations from friends I would like to check out. This is for a 2nd opinion regarding my anti-depressants and Restless Leg Syndrome. I am still going to go to the Endo to have further Thyroid testing; but I am not expecting that to pan out.

I'm starting to think it's not thyroid.

I have an OB/GYN appt in a couple weeks and I will also be chatting with him about some of this stuff...and asking for a referral to see the new woman counselor at his practice.

And then I'm going to the Credit Union to take out a personal loan to cover all of my co-pays.

Don't even get me STARTED on money.

...and the saga continues

Thyroid is normal. NORMAL. My TSH level is 2.278. That's the only thing they tested.

He is referring me to an endocrinologist at MCV. I'll let him do that and see what happens....I'm sure there are more in-depth tests that a specialist can do...

However, if I don't like him or don't feel like anyone is listening to me (AGAIN) then I'm taking MY OWN show on the road and finding someone myself.

I just sent the check to my Dr's office for my medical records, so once I am armed with those, I can make some decisions.

I'm Famous!!

Matt's Video is premiering tonight on FUSE at 6pm on the Daily Download show. I'm leaving work early to make sure I get home. I hope Toby is home so I can share the experience with someone!! I don't want to be by myself. I wish Denny could be there - I know he'd scream and jump up and down on the couches with me.