I've just returned from Korea for the second time - I'm working with Korean costume makers on the United States production of Dream Girls this time. On my last night, Miss Cho - who is in charge of the costume shop - took me and the other US team members along with her staff out for a traditional korean dinner. I found this little dresser mirror at a street vendor's stand and thought you should have it - after all, a lady always takes care to look her best!!! The mirror's back is hand embroidered by someone, no doubt, very close to your age!! Looking forward to seeing you in July at the Duhnam-Wheatley wedding.
I just spent all damn day working on a cover letter and resume for a cool sounding job at the Botanical Garden less than a mile from my house. How lucky would I be? A chance to give back to the community and do something with meaning and I could even WALK to work.
Must! Get! This! Job!
My cover letter and resume both emphasize my amazing attention to detail and my eagle-eye proof-reading skills. I go back and forth from the job description to my documents, making sure to sell my incredible skills and bring home just how perfect I am for this position. I am about to hit "send" on the final documents when I glance down at the job description one last time and see the sentence:
"Salary will range in the 20's, depending on experience."
Uh...hells no. I gotta atleast pay for our shelter and our rides, people.
Apparently, my editing skills have been unemployed for way too long to miss THAT sentence. AND I just wasted hours of my life. Hours that could have been devoted to cleaning or napping or eating snacks while watching Dr. Phil.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful. In a few months, I might be begging for that job. But right now, I still have time to look. I have two resumes out there right now for really interesting sounding positions which I will not mention any further for fear of jinxing myself...but say a little prayer for my mystery jobs, will ya?
Whatever will be, will be. I KNOW this. I am OK with this. I'm not scared or worried. But a cool job that does not give me heartburn or clinical depression would be super groovy, eh?
...the waistband of your cotton underwear unravels itself in the washer/dryer and wraps itself around 2 pair of your flannel pants, tying them together, and creating a bond so tight that you can lift it all up by the thread and swing it around in the air above your head like you are about to lasso a pig. Or a 2 year old.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I'm so sick of myself right now.
I am back at Weight Watcher meetings as of a month ago. I have lost 6.2 lbs so far..which is HUGE for me since I am a professional maintainer. Whatever weight I am at - even if it sucks - is where I can stay for years and years - even when I think I am dieting. Weight Watchers give me the accountability and helps me to really think about what I am eating and cut back on the amount. I really do not eat a lot of junk (because I don't keep it in the house!) My issue is portion size.
Well, I guess I could give a rip about a stranger weighing my fat ass this coming Tuesday because I am like a bottomless pit this week. It's so freaking frustrating to me. WHY?????
What is so damn hard about not eating when you are not hungry. I mean, that's elementary, people! Yesterday was the first day in a month where I really felt like total A-S-S from eating too much. And would you like to know how I dealt with those feelings?
I ate over half a box of All Bran Crackers at midnight.
Now I feel like Super A-S-S.
What is holding me back from being successful at weight loss? I don't even want to be skinny. Truly! I just want to be comfortable and not zero in on my gut as soon as my eyeballs hit the mirror. I DO want it. But I guess not bad enough?
But I DO!!
I have said this a bazillion times. If I had a nickel for every time I have been in "this place" I would never had to work again for as long as I live. Either that, or I could afford liposuction of the entire body.
Seriously: Lifestyle Change.
It has to happen. I feel like I have already conquered quite a few demons - so maybe I should focus on those for a moment and relish in the positivity and accomplishments.
1. I do not keep junk food in the house and have not for years. Luckily, Toby is not a snacker so that has helped me. He'll have to get a dorito fix about once a year... Yes, I married an alien.
2. I have pretty much been able to cut out the "extras" like cheese and mayo. I have not eaten cheese on salads in years. And this is the girl who used to eat bowls of cheese, bacon bits, and french dressing. (Actually, my brother invented that "salad" but I remember partaking of a few in my time...)
3. I can't remember the last time I had sweet tea or a real soda.
This one is a biggie:
4. I do not PLAN food "events" anymore. When I lived alone (and was lonely), I used to PLAN my nights of eating. I'd think about it all day. I'd obsess over what I was going to eat along with what I would watch on TV - either a show or a movie. I would stress over what food to get because I didn't want to choose the wrong thing. Like I was never going to eat again - yeah right! My most common binge meal was Taco Bell and Ben and Jerry's. I knew I was going to make myself sick, but it didn't matter. It was good for a few minutes.
I watch enough "Intervention" to know that I am a total addict - just like an alcoholic or a heroin addict. I do think that through hard work over the years, I have changed 85% of that behavior...but yesterday really took me back to that time and I don't want to be "there."
And it's not even because I'm hungry or I want food - Lord knows the food I do have here in the house is not binge-worthy. Three words: All Bran Crackers?!? I mean, come on.
I think it's because I want something to do. Boredom is my worst enemy. I need to learn to knit.
I know what it takes for a lifestyle change. I want to do it! But I DON'T and that is the issue. What in the hell is holding me back. Like Dr. Phil says, "You're getting something out of it if you keep doing it." What am I getting?
Tighter pants. Too much thinking about tight pants. A bigger spare tire that I despise. No energy. Flab. Depression and bad moods centered around my fat ass. Bins and bins of clothes that don't fit taking up all of my storage space.
It doesn't make sense?!?
I need to follow another one of Dr. Phil's mottos and just "fake it till I make it." Another issue with me is if I don't see results immediately, I get discouraged. It's to the point where I work out (aka walk around the neighborhood) for 2 days and I think those too-tight pants should fit now. But they don't. So I stop walking.
For a smart girl, I am an IDIOT when it comes to this mess. It confuses me that I have accomplished so much in my life...yet I continue to find myself in this same situation.
I bet it will be a long time before you book a romantic dinner at The Melting Pot.
So, we just had another "experience" and you didn't even have to wait until tomorrow for the next installment. How nice of us!
This time when much smoother as Stella said "I've got poop" and without saying a word I hit PAUSE while Simon Cowell was giving his review of Allison and we both wordlessly got up and headed to the crime scene from earlier.
This time was similar, only worse. It had seeped out of the pull-up and was on the nightgown.
But, oh! We were MUCH more prepared. Leave it to my husband - he had pre-fabbed approximately 7 folded squares of toilet paper for easy access and had refilled the wipes dispenser for the cleaning part.
Now we're a team. We should take this show on the road. Or not.
All humor aside, her little parts are horribly irritated so we had to slather some "coochie get-right" as my husband called it and then I peed my pants laughing. Too many accidents in this house today!!
...but now I have never been so thankful for a nose that is not working because of a vicious cold. I mean, I can't smell crap. Literally.
Stella has also had a cold/allergies/virus thing going on for about a week or so and is on anti-biotics. I don't know about other children out there but antibiotics make my kid MEAN! There are other fun side effects of antibiotics so we've got her drinking yogurt drinks to avoid the female issues but there is yet another side effect that is unavoidable, unfortunately.
This afternoon has been rather enjoyable. Toby and I are sitting in the living room, enjoying the open windows and the nice weather. He's in his chair studying for his Electrician's Card and I am on the couch browsing Facebook and watching Oprah interview the people on the Yearning for Zion Ranch... totally enjoyable, right?! I hear Stella waking up from her nap so I go to her room and take the gate down (Yes I gate her in. Because if I don't she might sneak out and sit at my vanity and turn on my curling iron and burn her hand. Or whatever.)
So, I go to the kitchen to make my afternoon cup of coffee and I hear her say "I've got poop!" We're doing pull-ups for naps and nighttime so atleast it wasn't underwear.
Thank God it wasn't underwear.
She comes in the kitchen and I tell her to go tell Dada to change her pull-up. She says "No you do it." I say "No go tell Dada" and she says "No you do it" and I say "Go tell Dada!!" So she does.
And of course he doesn't move so finally I say "Come on Stella let's change you." I really wish I had started that spreadsheet I kept threatening... the one to keep track of poop changes and whose turn it is next.
Any new moms reading this? Take that as my first piece of advice.
So anyway, I put her on the changing table and pull down her pants and slowly tear the sides of the pull up and HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD it looked like someone dumped a pot of dark chocolate fondue in my child's diaper.
It was all up the front. All up the back. And all in there - if you pick up what I'm puttin down.
I say - calmly - "Toby, could you help please?" And he comes bounding around the corner. With a spring in his step like Johnny On the Spot. He rounds the corner and I swear I wish I had a nanny cam in Stella's room to catch this whole scene. We'd be millionaires.
He stops in his tracks and yells OH. MY. GOD. What is THAT?!?!?!? And before he even finishes that sentence, he is gone.
"I need help!!!" I've got both her legs up in one hand trying to keep her from moving a centimeter because the consequences of that, now that the pull-up is open, is unthinkable.
For the next few seconds, he is in panic mode. Just running in and out of the room. Like he doesn't know which way is up. He's yelling stuff. I do remember hearing "Do you want me to run the tub?!?" but that's it. There was a lot of other words. And gagging. And gasping for air. I heard "yard" and "hose" and several other words but it was all just a blur.
But through all this, I'm just standing there. Watching. He puts on a good show sometimes.
Finally he calms down enough to come in and hold her feet in the air while I try and wipe her...but at this point, there is no wiping...it's just shoveling sh*t from her onto the pull-up into a pile. I didn't care if I used a pack and a half of wipes on this one change. But only 4 wipes in, I am met with an empty box.
Toby and I look at each other and understood what needed to happen. No words were spoken.
I grabbed her feet and he went running to get more supplies. He comes back with a roll of toilet paper.
"Noooo!"
"Yes! Just use this so we don't waste wipes. All you're doing is shoveling right now. Then you can use the wipes to clean."
So he's rolling off toilet paper to hand to me. It's like the grossest assembly line you have ever seen. Somehow we manage to complete the task and get the child cleaned up and re-pull-upped.***
***I am not sure if we'll be doing underwear again until these antibiotics are over. I can not risk that happening in the miniature Tinkerbell undies.
So now I am back on the couch. Watching Ellen now. Still browsing Facebook every few minutes - like something has changed in my social stratosphere.
Toby has taken Stella outside to play in her new baby turtle sandbox and the little Step2 Playhouse that Neh Neh and Bapaw bought her.
All is calm now in the Creekmore house.
Or is it?
Check back tomorrow around this time for the conclusion.... or actually, check back every day for the next 8 days until the prescription runs out.
I am just never in the mood to update the blog these days...But I am forcing myself because it's important and I love having this site as documentation of most of my life.
The biggest news is that my Great Aunt Phyllis will not be with us much longer. Probably not past tomorrow. She has had a long 4 months of mystery sicknesses and health scares. Crazy stuff like blood clots, bad reactions to prescribed mediations, circulation issues resulting in her feet turning black, surgeries, physical therapy, body aches and pains, etc. I can't even think of everything. In and out of different doctors offices and hospitals. There were a few mistakes and bad decisions made by doctors. Even through all of this, I don't think any of us REALLY thought she would be gone so soon. But in the end, it was FINALLY determined that she has Multiple Myeloma - thus the extreme bone pain. Her bones are erroding.
Phyllis is my Dad's aunt - my Nanny's sister. Phyllis is in black...
She's also the funniest person I have ever known.
And I am not the only person who would say that.
At my bridal shower, I came REAL close to peeing in my pants laughing at Phyllis - and so did several others. I have pictures.
She is always the life of the party - the center of attention. Especially at Christmas.
It's just not Christmas until Phyllis and Nanny sing their duet as Kenny and Dolly doing "I'll be home with bells on." I have video.
And now I have the song stuck in my head. DANG!! It's tradition to have that song stuck until atleast New Year's Eve.
Proof of the duet:
I wish you could hear it. You'd have it stuck in your head too.
Phyllis and Jimmy have been married for almost 50 years. They have an incredible farm out in Hanover County and just three years ago they opened a Farmer's Market. In the summer, we go atleast twice a week for vegetables (hanover tomatoes!) and flowers...but mostly to see Phyllis.
I can't imagine this summer.
My earliest memory of Phyllis was at Nagshead when ALL of my family used to go to the beach and rent a giant house. And I mean ALL of my family - both sides! (My mom and dad were neighbors as kids so both side of my family know each other.) I do not know how it started, but Phyllis taught me to say "OLAY!" at age two. I think it started with her Oil of Olay...not sure. But she loved to tell people about me running around saying "OLAY!"
I'll always have the memories of Phyllis and Jimmy's incredible parties EVERY Christmas Eve. I mean BIG parties. With giant shrimp and that pineapple centerpiece with pineapple, banana, and cherry skewers.
Phyllis worked at Lowenstein's forever - a really fancy jewelry store in the center of downtown Richmond. She helped Toby pick out my wedding ring.
My Nanny and Phyllis are super-close. I know Nanny will be ok - her faith is strong and deep. But her heart is broken and a BIG piece is missing now. I'm thinking a lot about Jimmy and their children Dennis and Tami. I'm really putting myself in Tami's shoes and then I have to jump out of them really really quick. My mind won't go there.
Stella is doing really well with potty training. I'm letting her lead the way totally. I got her a lot of toddler underwear and she wears them at home and is great about pee pee on the potty. (Poo poo? Not so much...but we're not worrying about that right now...) We do still wear a diaper (I want to use them up!) or a pull-up for naps, nighttime, and going out. It seems to be working just fine.
The only issue so far is that the big potty is just way too tall for her to get on it by herself; even with a step stool. I want her to be more independent and be able to go potty when she wants to... So I bought her a real little potty today.
It's THIS ONE. It is pink and princess-y and plays music when you pee. She HAD to hold the giant box all the way through Target. I could hardly see to push the cart but she would not let it go.
So we get home and I put it in the bathroom and she immediately sits on it to pee.
But she doesn't have to pee.
So she sits there. For a loooooooooong time.
And will not get up.
So I got her a cup of juice to drink on the potty in hopes it would go right through and she's get to hear some music. (Notice the crossed legs. She really was just chillin on the potty...)
There was still no pee so we're hanging out in the living room, waiting for pee.
It's fun.
In other Stella news - she cracks me up. Constantly.
She's really starting to become her own person and it's shocking to me. She's SO smart. And sometimes she's a smarty-pants.
Example: The new thing for her is when I tell her to stop doing something (going in the office, climbing on stuff, getting in my make-up, etc) she tells me "Oh, I'm ok." and continues to do whatever it was I said to stop. Drives me nutty!!
Example: Sometimes when I call to her to come to me in another room, she'll come in and say "WHAT NOW?!" Ummm, that ain't going to fly, sister.
Example: A lot of times when I talk to her, she looks me directly in the face and sticks her tongue out and blows a raspberry at me. Also not going to fly.
Example: She's now calling me "mom." As in "Thanks, Mom." or "No Thanks, Mom."
But I can't help go in the other room and chuckle. She's TWO. Going on 13.
"Happy Birthday" is still her term of affection. Whoever is with us...it's their birthday. We will be riding down the road with my Mom and it's "Happy Birthday, Neh Neh" about 10 times. Or eating dinner with my Mother in Law - "Happy Birthday, Mimi."
She remembers EVERYTHING.
The other day she busted out with "bad boy bad boys whatcha gonna do?" What the heck!? Toby watches Cops but not THAT much!
- When I ask her to do something - anything! - she tells me "I need to do ____ first." That ___ could be anything and is usually different each time. Just now I asked her to do something and she grabbed my calculator and said "I need to check my e-mail first."
- When she wants you to keep doing something, she says "One more times, Mom."
- EVERY night she says "LAY DOWN WITH ME?" when we put her in the bed. Sometimes we do, but we don't want to make a habit of this so most of the time we say "No, your friends (stuffed animals) will lay with you." and she'll say "But Mom, lay with me one more times."
- Instead of "smell" she says "sum." So she'll hand me a candle or a flower and say "Sum it! Sums good...."
- She knows the words to all of the theme songs to all of her shows. It's incredible.
- When I tell her to put something down or not to touch something, she sets it down right where I told her NOT to and says "I'll just set it riiiiiiight here." Or she'll keep holding it and say "I'll just hold it really really tight." Like this is going to convince me to let her do it.
I'll have to come back and add more...there are a ton more little things that I don't want to forget. It's going by TOO fast.
Stella came down with the pukes on Monday of the last week in February (AKA my last week of work!) We were up all night with her on Monday night so i was late for work on Tuesday, but I made it. Afterall, I can't stay home during my last week. Toby stayed home with her on Tuesday and Wednesday and she was pretty much over it by Wednesday night.... and this is when I STARTED PUKING. Amongst other things...
SO, in my attempt to not miss any work on my last week, I MISSED MY LAST TWO DAYS!
I'm sorry, but I think that is hysterical... And totally symbolic.
I still had a lot to do and some stuff to bring home, so I dragged my butt in there on Saturday and tied up all of the loose ends. I gave my badge to the security guard on my way out and never looked back.
Hello, new life!!
But then I came home and puked some more and laid in the bed like a zombie until Tuesday morning...when I felt like a MILLION BUCKS!
Now, on Sunday it started snowing and actually accummulated! It was the most snow we have seen in 10 years. Even though I was sick and would not have been working anyway, do you KNOW how good it felt to watch the snow come down and KNOW that my ass did not HAVE to go ANYWHERE!?! The feeling was fabulous.
I didn't even care that the ice and snow crashed in our gazebo on the deck because we were lazy assholes and didn't take down the canvas roof like we should have. I also didn't even care that the ice and snow snapped our Verizon cable in half and we were out a phone, tv, and internet until Thursday. It actually helped me to get stuff done. Since I was feeling much better by Tuesday, I attacked the house and did stuff I had been too busy to even think about before.... I reorganized the laundry room cabinets to be more efficient with the space. Same with my 2 closets and the office. I had to incorporate the boxes of "8 years of work stuff" into the home office...and it went well! I feel a bit organized and on track.
It feels nice. REALLY nice.
Here are some snow pics. Miss Stell's first snow!!
And this is what she looked like when I made her come back inside...
So the other exciting news at our household is that our yard has now become a Van Cemetary. Much like Pet Cemetary - except the vans aren't coming back to life and we WISH they would!!
Toby bought a big ugly white work van a couple months ago. Since being laid off, he has been doing side work to keep himself busy and can not work out of his jeep wrangler...We found a van on Craigslist for $1000 and bought it. He worked out of it for a few weeks but then it started blowing blue smoke and died. Uncle Greg came to the rescue again and helped fix it..but then something else blew up and WHATEVER. It's dead in the backyard.
So, Toby's friend Mark had another van for sale and we bought it for $1000. It's a conversion van that belonged to a gentleman in a wheelchair. NICE van - it really is pretty. It's nicknamed the Shag Wagon because it had carpet, a tv, 2 chairs and a table in the back. Pretty cool. Toby drove it home and then tried to drive it again and BAM. It died!! He's been frantically working on it for days...not finding the problem...and threatening to jump off the roof.
I'm sitting on the couch right now looking out the OPEN windows (because it's 70 degrees today - hard to believe those snow pics were just 4 days ago...) and I can hear the nice purr of the van. Uncle Greg to the rescue again. Luckily, it was something simple and it's running like a top now. Thank you LORD!
Shag Wagon:
And I swear that is not a beer bottle!!
Hmmm...what else is going on?
I'm thoroughly enjoying my time at home. It's been just one week - and most of that was sickness...but I can tell I am going to get TOO used to this. I have applied for a few positions that sound up my alley so I'm just waiting to see if I'll hear from them. I'm not in any rush...and I do want some more time off to be with Stella and to "center myself" again. I want to spend some days at Lewis Ginter doing some walking...I want to do some Byrd Park strolling...I want to do lunch in Tappahannock...I have a list!!
