It was driving me crazy...

...but now I have never been so thankful for a nose that is not working because of a vicious cold. I mean, I can't smell crap. Literally.

Stella has also had a cold/allergies/virus thing going on for about a week or so and is on anti-biotics. I don't know about other children out there but antibiotics make my kid MEAN! There are other fun side effects of antibiotics so we've got her drinking yogurt drinks to avoid the female issues but there is yet another side effect that is unavoidable, unfortunately.

This afternoon has been rather enjoyable. Toby and I are sitting in the living room, enjoying the open windows and the nice weather. He's in his chair studying for his Electrician's Card and I am on the couch browsing Facebook and watching Oprah interview the people on the Yearning for Zion Ranch... totally enjoyable, right?! I hear Stella waking up from her nap so I go to her room and take the gate down (Yes I gate her in. Because if I don't she might sneak out and sit at my vanity and turn on my curling iron and burn her hand. Or whatever.)

So, I go to the kitchen to make my afternoon cup of coffee and I hear her say "I've got poop!" We're doing pull-ups for naps and nighttime so atleast it wasn't underwear.

Thank God it wasn't underwear.

She comes in the kitchen and I tell her to go tell Dada to change her pull-up. She says "No you do it." I say "No go tell Dada" and she says "No you do it" and I say "Go tell Dada!!" So she does.

And of course he doesn't move so finally I say "Come on Stella let's change you." I really wish I had started that spreadsheet I kept threatening... the one to keep track of poop changes and whose turn it is next.

Any new moms reading this? Take that as my first piece of advice.

So anyway, I put her on the changing table and pull down her pants and slowly tear the sides of the pull up and HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD it looked like someone dumped a pot of dark chocolate fondue in my child's diaper.

It was all up the front.
All up the back.
And all in there - if you pick up what I'm puttin down.

I say - calmly - "Toby, could you help please?" And he comes bounding around the corner. With a spring in his step like Johnny On the Spot. He rounds the corner and I swear I wish I had a nanny cam in Stella's room to catch this whole scene. We'd be millionaires.

He stops in his tracks and yells OH. MY. GOD. What is THAT?!?!?!? And before he even finishes that sentence, he is gone.

"I need help!!!" I've got both her legs up in one hand trying to keep her from moving a centimeter because the consequences of that, now that the pull-up is open, is unthinkable.

For the next few seconds, he is in panic mode. Just running in and out of the room. Like he doesn't know which way is up. He's yelling stuff. I do remember hearing "Do you want me to run the tub?!?" but that's it. There was a lot of other words. And gagging. And gasping for air. I heard "yard" and "hose" and several other words but it was all just a blur.

But through all this, I'm just standing there. Watching. He puts on a good show sometimes.

Finally he calms down enough to come in and hold her feet in the air while I try and wipe her...but at this point, there is no wiping...it's just shoveling sh*t from her onto the pull-up into a pile. I didn't care if I used a pack and a half of wipes on this one change. But only 4 wipes in, I am met with an empty box.

Toby and I look at each other and understood what needed to happen. No words were spoken.

I grabbed her feet and he went running to get more supplies. He comes back with a roll of toilet paper.

"Noooo!"

"Yes! Just use this so we don't waste wipes. All you're doing is shoveling right now. Then you can use the wipes to clean."

So he's rolling off toilet paper to hand to me. It's like the grossest assembly line you have ever seen. Somehow we manage to complete the task and get the child cleaned up and re-pull-upped.***

***I am not sure if we'll be doing underwear again until these antibiotics are over. I can not risk that happening in the miniature Tinkerbell undies.

So now I am back on the couch. Watching Ellen now. Still browsing Facebook every few minutes - like something has changed in my social stratosphere.

Toby has taken Stella outside to play in her new baby turtle sandbox and the little Step2 Playhouse that Neh Neh and Bapaw bought her.

All is calm now in the Creekmore house.

Or is it?

Check back tomorrow around this time for the conclusion.... or actually, check back every day for the next 8 days until the prescription runs out.