She's ready to go.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, where to start.

I last updated about Monday evening when we all sat out on the deck and laughed and reminisced and "broke in" Greg.

On Tuesday, I went to work and ran around like a chicken. (It is absolutely crazy here lately.)

Around 4pm I called Cece for an update and she was hysterical. She just kept saying "Mom's in a coma. She won't wake up. We don't know what's going on..." So I made her get off the phone and I just got in the car and drove out there. (They live about 30 minutes outside of town - in the woods on a lake - in paradise, basically.) So, I got there and stood in the driveway and called from my cell phone. John answered and said Cece was with her Mama...so I asked for Greg. I KNEW he didn't want to be in the middle of this with a family he just met.....I wouldn't want to be.... So I thought I would rescue him for awhile and then Cece wouldn't feel so bad about having to "entertain" him (Although he was fine - Cece always feels responsible for everyone's well-being...just like her Mama....) So anyway, John said he had given Greg the keys to Carol's car and some directions to Panera Bread in Mechanicsville... so off I went.

I arrived at Panera Bread and walked up to his table as he was typing away on his ibook and I scared the crap out of him when I busted out "Well you never know who you'll run into in Mechanicsville, Virginia!" And then we just sat and talked for 2 hours. We talked about his job and Cece and their life in LA... It was great and I really enjoyed the time getting to know him. I'm SO happy for Cece.

So, at around 7:30pm, Cece calls and says that Carol woke up. She was sitting up and eating some dinner and chatting away. I could tell this was "bittersweet" - as nice as it is to have her here, they dealt with her "death" all day long - truly thinking this was it - holding a family vigil at her bedside - and then she wakes up and you don't really know how to feel.... The hospice nurse says this may go on for awhile and not to be shocked if she sleeps for 23 hours a day and has one good lucid hour...

They just want relief for Carol. They thought that had gone over that last big hill on the roller coaster. Only to learn they have to get back on it again.

And the most disappointed person??? Carol.

So that was Tuesday.

On Wednesday, I worked until Noon and decided to take off the afternoon. Greg was leaving to go back to LA at 5pm and I wanted to bring Stella out there for him to meet her, and Stella always cheers up everyone around her so I thought the Bock Fam could use a dose of smiley baby. It worked like a charm.

Carol lit up when she saw Miss Stella - and Greg took pictures I will add to this page when I get some... John said his usual "Stella!!!" (like in Streetcar Named Desire) and kept bringing Raffe (Carol's Cat) to Stella for her to pet. Everyone got a real kick out of her - and she was good as gold, as always.

I sat by Carol's bed and held her hand and she looked at me dead in my eyes and said:

"I'm ready to go."

I said "I know you are..." And she said again:

"I'm ready to go. I'm praying to go. I'm ready."

At one point, John left to go to the dump and to the store for some Yuengling Black and Tan (for the boys, you know - he don't drink that stuff. wink, wink) He wasn't gone for 5 minutes when the bandage on Carol's chest fell off - she wanted Cece to put on new dressing....and she could not do it alone. So I helped.

I have never even heard of this before, but the cancer is moving to the outside. It has been for months but it's at its peak right now. It's just breaking down her body - and now her skin. And you can SEE it. Usually you can't SEE Cancer. To be nice, she looks like a 3rd degree burn victim on her chest and part of her back.

She doesn't show anyone. Ever. But I'm family - she says.

As we were helping her, she said "I feel like a babe." (She meant to say Baby.)

And Cece says "Yes, Mama, you are a hot babe."

And Carol says "Nobody gives a shit about my little tits. That's a poem, you know."

I said "Did you write that poem?"

She said "Yes I did."

The whole time we were undressing her, cleaning her wounds, putting on a new gel bandage on her, lifting her up, putting her back down, dressing her again..... all I could think about was little Cece and little Stephanie in the back of Carol's Nissan as she picked us up from 5th grade for a sleep over. And here we are now.....

The whole time we were doing this, Greg was tending to Stella out on the deck. I kept peaking out the window to make she she wasn't making his life hell...and they were just chatting and talking and playing. The 5th or so time I looked out the window, she's got her head on his shoulder - asleep - and he is just looking out over the lake.

I said "Cece. Look at this. If you don't marry this boy, I will beat you silly."

After a little while longer, Stella and I gathered our things (and with a 10 month old, there is a lot of "gathering of things.") and we said good-bye.

I think that was my last good-bye to Carol Bock. And I am at peace with that. She looked at me in my face and told me what she wants - and I believe her - and I want her to go. I want her to get out of here and go on to a MUCH better place with no pain and suffering.

It's amazing to watch a person die as they lived - as a spiritual, peaceful, positive, strong, amazing woman. I'm praying that God will take her very very soon. She wants it. And if Carol Bock, of all people, is ready to go - then let her go.

We'll all be ok. Cece will be ok. John will be ok. Because they had one helluva guardian angel whispering in their ears.

They'll NEVER forget to take their vitamins again.



P.S.
I went to BJs yesterday and bought giant bottles of Women's One-a-Day, Flaxseed and Fish Oil, and B-Complex.