Saying that I am tired is the understatment of the millenium. I don't think I have EVER been this tired - and this is after all-nighters at raves in college and having to go to class all the next day. (Who am I kidding - I skipped those classes) but ANYWAY...I am damn TIRED. And dangerously close to curling up under my desk and taking a 9 hour snooze.
I got "Phils to Go" last night. My company has a wonderful little program on Tuesdays and Thursdays where you can get dinner for 2 to go...and rent a DVD...for a little over $10. Last night was stuffed shells and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Toby fell asleep right when the squirrel part was coming up...and I threw up (per the usual)...so I just went to bed and left him sleeping on the couch. We are WILD these days, I tell ya. So basically, I was in the bed at 8pm and I'm STILL this exhausted. I'm going to try to finish watching the movie tonight but there is no guarantees. I might have to stretch ONE frickin movie into a THREE night viewing. ha! Pathetique.
The cat saga that started that the beginning of this week has sort of died down....it has not been swept under the rug again....but is essentially on the back-burner at the moment. I did take Easter to the Vet yesterday for a good grooming (Lion Cut!) and I had them do a check-up/evaluation on her. I had one done at another vet back in September but I really wasn't too happy with them....so I drove Easter back to Lakeside where I used to live to the good Vet that she went to over there...
The Vet called me yesterday and the first thing she said is "I got your girl Easter here. She's quite the nervous kitty, huh?" And I laughed and said "Yeah, I'm pretty much the only person she's cool with" and she said "Well I'm glad she's cool with SOMEONE and can enjoy life."
Waaaahhh! Now the task of finding her a new home is REALLY unappealing...as if it could have been any more unappealing than what it already was....
She then went on to tell me that she thinks Easter is...get this...HYPERTHYROID.
Jesus H.
Some of you may remember my very own medical saga which lasted nearly all of 2005 where I was in and out of Dr offices, saw an Endocrinologist, had an MRI done....all because I was believed to maybe have hypothyroid...which I ended up not having...which I'm thankful for...but anyway - Now my damn CAT may have to be on thyroid meds.
She also urged me to have a Senior Screening done; which I did, to the tune of a million dollars...and we should be getting the results back from the lab next week. This will determine if there is anything medically wrong with Easter...which could possibly leading to the defecation outside of the litter box problem.
If there is nothing wrong, then we'll look into other things. She (the Vet) assured me that we would work on this problem and try to figure it out...I told her it was to the point where I might have to find a new home for her as this problem is making MY home unbearable. I'm glad I have her help now.
I'm not writing ads at the moment and I'm not pursuing any new homes. I'm really hopeful that this can get fixed. I just pray that it can get fixed BEFORE I have to declare bankruptcy because of Vet bills. We already live paycheck to paycheck - and not to mention all of the stuff that needs to happen (home improvements) and things that need to be purchased for Baby. Like, say, a CRIB.
It will all work out in the end and I just need to take things one day at a time right now.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Comedic Relief
My aunt just called me and told me she was riding down the road, listening to Lite 98, when someone called in and requested that "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins be played - and to dedicate it to Stephanie and her cat!!!!
I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time. Thank you whoever did it!
And it very well may just be a coincidence - a very STRONG coincidence. But that's ok. It still made me laugh and I am thankful for that too.
I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time. Thank you whoever did it!
And it very well may just be a coincidence - a very STRONG coincidence. But that's ok. It still made me laugh and I am thankful for that too.
On an emotional roller coaster...
And I have a feeling I am going to be on this ride for a long time..... but it's ok. It's all going to be ok.
So, my previous entry was written by my multiple personality, I think. The situation remains the same. Things have to dramatically change with Easter (and Katie too) for there to be lasting peace in my household. And the baby is still coming. :)
But I think I had convinced myself that just taking the cats to the SPCA was the RIGHT thing to do and it had to happen NOW. I had just had it. I hit my limit. That was the last straw. It had to be over. (Pregnancy emotions can be a tad urgent, I'm finding.) I had also talked myself into believing that things would be better without the cats - that the poop, cathair, hairballs, cries in the night would all be gone and life would become wonderful. But the truth is, those things never truly bothered me. Is the TURMOIL it causes in my house that I despise and that stress me out.... I think after seeing me have near-breakdowns, Toby realized that maybe we do need more time to figure something else out; and hopefully he'll be more sensitive when a "bad cat" thing does happen- and not blow the roof off the place.
After 2 days of being crazed...and talking to anyone who would listen...and listening to wise advice from people on both sides of the issue...and crying at my desk, in my car, and in my bed...and MOST IMPORTANTLY listening to the wise words and advice from Chantel, who has unfortunately BTDT... We have decided to take a little more time and I am going to try to find nice, loving homes for the cats myself. I figure I will network, place ads, do research, talk to the vet... whatever I can do. If I have not been successful after awhile, the situation will be revisited.
I am also going to try a few behavior modification products and tips and tricks that were suggested to me over the past few days (thank you, everyone.) Who knows? Maybe the problem will get fixed and we'll be able to keep Easter (the pooper) and STILL be able to have a nice, peaceful home? That would be my dream.
I'm just going to try harder. That's the bottom line. I think I have just gotten so fed up and depressed at the whole deal, I have slacked on trying to FIX the problem and just ignored it and it has gotten out of control.
I also think that throwing up 5 times a day for 1.5 months straight does something to your brain cells.
Keep saying prayers for me, if you will.
So, my previous entry was written by my multiple personality, I think. The situation remains the same. Things have to dramatically change with Easter (and Katie too) for there to be lasting peace in my household. And the baby is still coming. :)
But I think I had convinced myself that just taking the cats to the SPCA was the RIGHT thing to do and it had to happen NOW. I had just had it. I hit my limit. That was the last straw. It had to be over. (Pregnancy emotions can be a tad urgent, I'm finding.) I had also talked myself into believing that things would be better without the cats - that the poop, cathair, hairballs, cries in the night would all be gone and life would become wonderful. But the truth is, those things never truly bothered me. Is the TURMOIL it causes in my house that I despise and that stress me out.... I think after seeing me have near-breakdowns, Toby realized that maybe we do need more time to figure something else out; and hopefully he'll be more sensitive when a "bad cat" thing does happen- and not blow the roof off the place.
After 2 days of being crazed...and talking to anyone who would listen...and listening to wise advice from people on both sides of the issue...and crying at my desk, in my car, and in my bed...and MOST IMPORTANTLY listening to the wise words and advice from Chantel, who has unfortunately BTDT... We have decided to take a little more time and I am going to try to find nice, loving homes for the cats myself. I figure I will network, place ads, do research, talk to the vet... whatever I can do. If I have not been successful after awhile, the situation will be revisited.
I am also going to try a few behavior modification products and tips and tricks that were suggested to me over the past few days (thank you, everyone.) Who knows? Maybe the problem will get fixed and we'll be able to keep Easter (the pooper) and STILL be able to have a nice, peaceful home? That would be my dream.
I'm just going to try harder. That's the bottom line. I think I have just gotten so fed up and depressed at the whole deal, I have slacked on trying to FIX the problem and just ignored it and it has gotten out of control.
I also think that throwing up 5 times a day for 1.5 months straight does something to your brain cells.
Keep saying prayers for me, if you will.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Easter Lilly Taylor Creekmore
I woke up this morning to Toby yelling obscenitites from the kitchen because he stepped in cat poop on one foot and then a hairball on the other. Yeah, I'm chuckling a little bit as I type that...but actually, it's not funny. Because this is it. It's time for me to face what I have been avoiding for a year (or longer.) Easter needs to have a new home.
I got Easter during the summer before my senior year in college (1998.) I had never had an animal before in my life!! And I was living on my own, had my own apartment in NC, and I had the strong desire to get a pet. A kitten. I was broke as a joke and living off of my credit card so I went to the Avery County Animal Shelter and picked out a kitty and put the $20 on my AT&T Mastercard. I remember going into the cat room and looking around at all the cats climbing all over the place and running up to me and rubbing on my leg....when I spotted this little tiny calico fluff ball in the middle of the room. She was asleep despite all of the commotion. I picked her up and knew that she was the one. She had JUST arrived at the shelter - and I got her. It was meant be! She was 6 weeks old and was barely bigger than my hand. She had to be spayed before I could take her home so I signed all of the papers and left...and waited a few days for her arrival.
I went back to pick her up and I remember the ride home very well. She was wailing from her crate and I was talking to her... all the while, we were jamming to "Boys on the Radio" by Hole. The CD had just come out and was a constant in my car. :) For some reason, I always think of that song as my "Bringing home Easter" song.
I named her Easter after a Tori Amos song called "Crucify." The words go:
"I know a cat named Easter and he said, will you ever learn? You're just an empty cage girl till you kill the bird. Why do we crucify ourselves......" I was a big Tori freak in college.
From then on, Easter was my buddy. It was just the 2 of us until I got married in February 2005. We lived in Banner Elk, NC until I finished school. She would make the 6 hour drives home with me to Mom and Dad's house in Richmond, VA for breaks and visits. Then in June 1999, Denny and I moved permanently to Richmond after I graduated. It was just me, Denny, and Easter for awhile...until I had a job interview at an area hotel and the lady interviewing me had a cat in her office (!!!) She explained that she brought it in to give it to this lady who never showed...and she asked me if I wanted it. I called Denny and he said yes so I took her home for him. I didn't get the job but I got a cat!
She was a little bitty black cat and Denny named her Scarlet Pussy (after Prince, of course.) At first, the atmosphere in our house was not too pretty. Easter was NOT happy. But after a few weeks, she warmed up to Scarlet and I'd catch them all snuggled together on the couch...They were buddies for 3 years.
It was some time in those next 3 years that Easter started pooping on the floor, RIGHT outside of the litter box. I talked to the vet about it and he really didn't have a clue, since she always peed in the box. She obviously wasn't afraid of it. He just said not to punish her by putting her nose in it or anything - and to reward her when she DID use the litter box. And that's what I did...but the floor poops were still happening.....
I moved out of that apartment to live on my own in 2002. I remember that I left Easter at Denny's until I had moved all of my boxes and unpacked...so I could just plop her in the new apartment and she'd be fine. I didn't want boxes and shuffling and unpacking to make her nervous about her new home. I think she missed Scarlet for awhile but pretty soon got acclimated and was the Queen of her new castle. I'm sure she was like "It's mine! All mine!" We lived there for a little over a year.... And the poops were still happening.
It was when I lived in this apartment that Toby and I started dating. She didn't care for him right off the bat - and I know it's because he was taking me away from her. :) She was jealous and protective. She'd sit across the room and give him evil stares. She even attacked his arm from under the bed when he reached down to grab his glass of water. She was waiting!!! (Thinking about that still makes me laugh!) And don't even get me started on the time he took her to his house to keep her while I was in Chicago for 3 days.... Not good times. But they are funny now. She's my girl. Always has been. She was just looking out for me.
Then I moved into my parents' garage apartment to save money for my wedding. Easter girl came with me, of course. My parents are not animal people at all - remember, I had never had an animal my whole life. But they got attached to Easter too and my Dad would play with her when he'd come to my place...and my Mom would come out there and Easter would "talk" to her. Mom called Easter her "Grand Kitty" and bought her presents for Christmas. It's kind of sickening actually. :)
That apartment has a big picture window right in the front that faces the driveway. Easter liked to look out of that window. I had a trunk in front of that window but it still wasn't tall enough for Easter to sit or lay on the truck and be able to see outside, so every morning before I left, I would put my vanity seat on top of the trunk and that is where Easter would sit ALL DAY LONG. I don't think there was one time when I pulled up into the driveway to come home and Easter wasn't in the window. She'd see me pull up and jump off of her pedastal and run to the door to greet me. EVERY TIME.
Over the years, I have tried everything to fix the poop-on-the-floor-in-front-of-the-litter-box problem. I've tried every brand of litter - twice! I've tried cleaning the box 10 times a day. I've tried small boxes, big boxes, boxes with tops, boxes without tops. I've placed the litter box in a private corner and in the middle of the room. I've used treats to reward her when I would catch her actually USING the box to poop (which wasn't that often) and when she would use the box, I'd analyze the environment to try and figure out why was it ok this time? But I never got repeat performances.... and honestly, I just kind of gave up.
But I lived by myself. I'd get a paper towel, pick up the turd(s), spray a squirt of cleaner, done deal. It truly was not a big production to me. I'd much rather have to pick up a turd than deal with cat pee in upholstry or carpet. I just dealt with it.
Now I'm married. And I moved in with my husband and HIS cat, Katie and his dog, Abby. Easter, of course, came with me. The house is small and the only place the litter box can go is in the utility area which is right off of the kitchen which is part of the living room. All one big open space. In the center of our home. Poop on the floor is not good. No matter how easy it is to clean up....and I certainly do a lot of that because Toby refuses to clean up after Easter. He'll let a turd sit for 3 days if I'm out of town before he'll pick it up with a paper towel and put it in the trash can.
With our house being so small, it does feel like a zoo with just 2 cats. There's cat hair tumbleweeds on the hardwood floors constantly. The couches are covered...and as soon as I clean a hairball off of the upholstery with some fabric cleaner, another one shows up the next day and the couches really are disgusting. (But Toby said we can never get new furniture while we have the cats because they ruin it- and I know he's right.) Katie tends to get vocal and cry for our attention at 3am most nights which is NOT appreciated by either of us. The litter boxes take up half of the utility room... and then there is the poop which sends Toby into a frenzy. He is CONSTANTLY yelling about this or that in regards to a cat; especially Easter. They just have never gotten along. I'm tired of protecting and defending the cats day in and day out. I'm stressed. I can't take the yelling and cussing when he nearly trips over a cat trying to walk across the floor or when he gets overwhelmed. It's too much for me to deal with, especially right now. I can't end up in divorce court over a cat. I need peace.
And this leads me to the BIGGEST reason why we need to clear the house of animals: OUR CHILD.
I want a clean house. A house I can clean and it will stay that way for 5 minutes. A house where I don't have to clean cat litter boxes when I'm pregnant (I know, I know. Please don't tell me that's bad. I know it is.) A house that is clear and quiet and free of cat hair. A house where we can get new carpet and get new furniture...and fix up the nursery and leave the door open. And a house where there is no yelling and cussing about cats. And not worry about the baby with animals. THAT would be heaven.
But in order to get these things, I have to give away my constant companion who has been there with me through EVERYTHING over the past 8 years - the most crucial years of my life so far. And that breaks my heart into a million pieces.
I looked up the Richmond SPCA today and they accept "surrendered" animals by appt and interview. They are a no-kill shelter; which makes me feel better even though they could totally be lying... but let me live in denial. I have told Toby that HE has to call them, HE has to make the appt, and HE has to take them to the SPCA and do the interview. I CAN NOT do it. I guess we will talk about the details this evening...get ready for niagara falls of tears...it is going to have to happen this week. This can not be prolonged at all. Quick and painless like pulling off a band-aid. Yeah right.
Just thinking of her sweet face makes me bust into tears...and thinking about her in a strange place with other animals... She's not overly-friendly with anyone but me... she'll usually warm up to people but it takes a long time. Will people know to give her time??? Ughhhhhhhh.
She's not going to do well. And my heart is breaking. This is hardest thing I have ever had to do thus far in my life.
Please say A LOT of prayers for me this week. I need them desperately.
I got Easter during the summer before my senior year in college (1998.) I had never had an animal before in my life!! And I was living on my own, had my own apartment in NC, and I had the strong desire to get a pet. A kitten. I was broke as a joke and living off of my credit card so I went to the Avery County Animal Shelter and picked out a kitty and put the $20 on my AT&T Mastercard. I remember going into the cat room and looking around at all the cats climbing all over the place and running up to me and rubbing on my leg....when I spotted this little tiny calico fluff ball in the middle of the room. She was asleep despite all of the commotion. I picked her up and knew that she was the one. She had JUST arrived at the shelter - and I got her. It was meant be! She was 6 weeks old and was barely bigger than my hand. She had to be spayed before I could take her home so I signed all of the papers and left...and waited a few days for her arrival.
I went back to pick her up and I remember the ride home very well. She was wailing from her crate and I was talking to her... all the while, we were jamming to "Boys on the Radio" by Hole. The CD had just come out and was a constant in my car. :) For some reason, I always think of that song as my "Bringing home Easter" song.
I named her Easter after a Tori Amos song called "Crucify." The words go:
"I know a cat named Easter and he said, will you ever learn? You're just an empty cage girl till you kill the bird. Why do we crucify ourselves......" I was a big Tori freak in college.
From then on, Easter was my buddy. It was just the 2 of us until I got married in February 2005. We lived in Banner Elk, NC until I finished school. She would make the 6 hour drives home with me to Mom and Dad's house in Richmond, VA for breaks and visits. Then in June 1999, Denny and I moved permanently to Richmond after I graduated. It was just me, Denny, and Easter for awhile...until I had a job interview at an area hotel and the lady interviewing me had a cat in her office (!!!) She explained that she brought it in to give it to this lady who never showed...and she asked me if I wanted it. I called Denny and he said yes so I took her home for him. I didn't get the job but I got a cat!
She was a little bitty black cat and Denny named her Scarlet Pussy (after Prince, of course.) At first, the atmosphere in our house was not too pretty. Easter was NOT happy. But after a few weeks, she warmed up to Scarlet and I'd catch them all snuggled together on the couch...They were buddies for 3 years.
It was some time in those next 3 years that Easter started pooping on the floor, RIGHT outside of the litter box. I talked to the vet about it and he really didn't have a clue, since she always peed in the box. She obviously wasn't afraid of it. He just said not to punish her by putting her nose in it or anything - and to reward her when she DID use the litter box. And that's what I did...but the floor poops were still happening.....
I moved out of that apartment to live on my own in 2002. I remember that I left Easter at Denny's until I had moved all of my boxes and unpacked...so I could just plop her in the new apartment and she'd be fine. I didn't want boxes and shuffling and unpacking to make her nervous about her new home. I think she missed Scarlet for awhile but pretty soon got acclimated and was the Queen of her new castle. I'm sure she was like "It's mine! All mine!" We lived there for a little over a year.... And the poops were still happening.
It was when I lived in this apartment that Toby and I started dating. She didn't care for him right off the bat - and I know it's because he was taking me away from her. :) She was jealous and protective. She'd sit across the room and give him evil stares. She even attacked his arm from under the bed when he reached down to grab his glass of water. She was waiting!!! (Thinking about that still makes me laugh!) And don't even get me started on the time he took her to his house to keep her while I was in Chicago for 3 days.... Not good times. But they are funny now. She's my girl. Always has been. She was just looking out for me.
Then I moved into my parents' garage apartment to save money for my wedding. Easter girl came with me, of course. My parents are not animal people at all - remember, I had never had an animal my whole life. But they got attached to Easter too and my Dad would play with her when he'd come to my place...and my Mom would come out there and Easter would "talk" to her. Mom called Easter her "Grand Kitty" and bought her presents for Christmas. It's kind of sickening actually. :)
That apartment has a big picture window right in the front that faces the driveway. Easter liked to look out of that window. I had a trunk in front of that window but it still wasn't tall enough for Easter to sit or lay on the truck and be able to see outside, so every morning before I left, I would put my vanity seat on top of the trunk and that is where Easter would sit ALL DAY LONG. I don't think there was one time when I pulled up into the driveway to come home and Easter wasn't in the window. She'd see me pull up and jump off of her pedastal and run to the door to greet me. EVERY TIME.
Over the years, I have tried everything to fix the poop-on-the-floor-in-front-of-the-litter-box problem. I've tried every brand of litter - twice! I've tried cleaning the box 10 times a day. I've tried small boxes, big boxes, boxes with tops, boxes without tops. I've placed the litter box in a private corner and in the middle of the room. I've used treats to reward her when I would catch her actually USING the box to poop (which wasn't that often) and when she would use the box, I'd analyze the environment to try and figure out why was it ok this time? But I never got repeat performances.... and honestly, I just kind of gave up.
But I lived by myself. I'd get a paper towel, pick up the turd(s), spray a squirt of cleaner, done deal. It truly was not a big production to me. I'd much rather have to pick up a turd than deal with cat pee in upholstry or carpet. I just dealt with it.
Now I'm married. And I moved in with my husband and HIS cat, Katie and his dog, Abby. Easter, of course, came with me. The house is small and the only place the litter box can go is in the utility area which is right off of the kitchen which is part of the living room. All one big open space. In the center of our home. Poop on the floor is not good. No matter how easy it is to clean up....and I certainly do a lot of that because Toby refuses to clean up after Easter. He'll let a turd sit for 3 days if I'm out of town before he'll pick it up with a paper towel and put it in the trash can.
With our house being so small, it does feel like a zoo with just 2 cats. There's cat hair tumbleweeds on the hardwood floors constantly. The couches are covered...and as soon as I clean a hairball off of the upholstery with some fabric cleaner, another one shows up the next day and the couches really are disgusting. (But Toby said we can never get new furniture while we have the cats because they ruin it- and I know he's right.) Katie tends to get vocal and cry for our attention at 3am most nights which is NOT appreciated by either of us. The litter boxes take up half of the utility room... and then there is the poop which sends Toby into a frenzy. He is CONSTANTLY yelling about this or that in regards to a cat; especially Easter. They just have never gotten along. I'm tired of protecting and defending the cats day in and day out. I'm stressed. I can't take the yelling and cussing when he nearly trips over a cat trying to walk across the floor or when he gets overwhelmed. It's too much for me to deal with, especially right now. I can't end up in divorce court over a cat. I need peace.
And this leads me to the BIGGEST reason why we need to clear the house of animals: OUR CHILD.
I want a clean house. A house I can clean and it will stay that way for 5 minutes. A house where I don't have to clean cat litter boxes when I'm pregnant (I know, I know. Please don't tell me that's bad. I know it is.) A house that is clear and quiet and free of cat hair. A house where we can get new carpet and get new furniture...and fix up the nursery and leave the door open. And a house where there is no yelling and cussing about cats. And not worry about the baby with animals. THAT would be heaven.
But in order to get these things, I have to give away my constant companion who has been there with me through EVERYTHING over the past 8 years - the most crucial years of my life so far. And that breaks my heart into a million pieces.
I looked up the Richmond SPCA today and they accept "surrendered" animals by appt and interview. They are a no-kill shelter; which makes me feel better even though they could totally be lying... but let me live in denial. I have told Toby that HE has to call them, HE has to make the appt, and HE has to take them to the SPCA and do the interview. I CAN NOT do it. I guess we will talk about the details this evening...get ready for niagara falls of tears...it is going to have to happen this week. This can not be prolonged at all. Quick and painless like pulling off a band-aid. Yeah right.
Just thinking of her sweet face makes me bust into tears...and thinking about her in a strange place with other animals... She's not overly-friendly with anyone but me... she'll usually warm up to people but it takes a long time. Will people know to give her time??? Ughhhhhhhh.
She's not going to do well. And my heart is breaking. This is hardest thing I have ever had to do thus far in my life.
Please say A LOT of prayers for me this week. I need them desperately.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Sorry Cece - ZOFRAN is my new best friend
So, I'm feeling like a functioning human again. It is amazing. I will never, ever again take for granted the feeling of being NORMAL. I still have my moments, though. It seems that my first meal of the day makes me a tad gaggy...but if I just sit and take deep breaths, it passes within a few minutes. Fine by me! A few minutes versus CONSTANT?? I'll take it.
I think I am also experiencing my first pregnancy food cravings... PEARS.
Yeah. That has shocked me too. I was sure it would be chocolate covered chocolate or vats of Chubby Hubby Ice Cream...but right now, it's PEARS. I have eaten 3 huge cans of sliced pears in the last 2 days and I have 2 cans sitting here on my desk, just begging to be opened. My co-w0rker told me about these amazing pears that are sold at "Harry and David" - a fruit basket-y type store in Short Pump. She said they are huge and you can cut them in half and eat them with a spoon....Mmmmm. They probably are $20 each....and I might have to go get some at lunch. Don't tell Toby I spent $150 on pears.
In other news, I have become obsessed with "The Biggest Loser." When I was sick as a dog on Sunday and confined to the waterbed, I watched a "The Biggest Loser" marathon on the Bravo Network for about 10 hours. I know it's not exactly 100% realistic as these people are sequestered on a ranch and work-out with a trainer for 4 hours a day. They do "booby trap" the house with fattening food...but there are cameras that are filming your every move to air on NATIONAL television. I think that just MIGHT be enough incentive to keep me out of the goodie closet...Maybe.
But anyway, the transformations of these people are just amazing. AMAZING. The last part of the show has the contestants at HOME for months - and they do have to deal with the pressure of being in the "real world" and continuing their new healthy lifestyle. The pressures of having to be on television in a few months might motivate me a little more than normal, but IT'S STILL HARD. I know myself. I would STILL have to force myself to work-out because I hate it. I would STILL have to talk myself out of having that second helping of macaroni and cheese... It's just HARD.
I've been on some sort of "weight journey" my whole entire life. It's just something I will deal with until the day I die. And that's fine....I know I'm not alone! I actually look forward to having this baby in July and then tackling this aspect of my life again and SUCCEEDING. I guess the more inspired I get in these next 6.5 months will only help set me up for success when I can officially join WW again and start a new routine in the gym.
As hard as it is, it is liberating to be "on-program" and to gain control again...
And I would pretty much bet that the BEST inspiration to get healthy is going to arrive in July and I'll look in his/her little face and WANT to live the best life I can live; in many ways.
That is so exciting to me.
I think I am also experiencing my first pregnancy food cravings... PEARS.
Yeah. That has shocked me too. I was sure it would be chocolate covered chocolate or vats of Chubby Hubby Ice Cream...but right now, it's PEARS. I have eaten 3 huge cans of sliced pears in the last 2 days and I have 2 cans sitting here on my desk, just begging to be opened. My co-w0rker told me about these amazing pears that are sold at "Harry and David" - a fruit basket-y type store in Short Pump. She said they are huge and you can cut them in half and eat them with a spoon....Mmmmm. They probably are $20 each....and I might have to go get some at lunch. Don't tell Toby I spent $150 on pears.
In other news, I have become obsessed with "The Biggest Loser." When I was sick as a dog on Sunday and confined to the waterbed, I watched a "The Biggest Loser" marathon on the Bravo Network for about 10 hours. I know it's not exactly 100% realistic as these people are sequestered on a ranch and work-out with a trainer for 4 hours a day. They do "booby trap" the house with fattening food...but there are cameras that are filming your every move to air on NATIONAL television. I think that just MIGHT be enough incentive to keep me out of the goodie closet...Maybe.
But anyway, the transformations of these people are just amazing. AMAZING. The last part of the show has the contestants at HOME for months - and they do have to deal with the pressure of being in the "real world" and continuing their new healthy lifestyle. The pressures of having to be on television in a few months might motivate me a little more than normal, but IT'S STILL HARD. I know myself. I would STILL have to force myself to work-out because I hate it. I would STILL have to talk myself out of having that second helping of macaroni and cheese... It's just HARD.
I've been on some sort of "weight journey" my whole entire life. It's just something I will deal with until the day I die. And that's fine....I know I'm not alone! I actually look forward to having this baby in July and then tackling this aspect of my life again and SUCCEEDING. I guess the more inspired I get in these next 6.5 months will only help set me up for success when I can officially join WW again and start a new routine in the gym.
As hard as it is, it is liberating to be "on-program" and to gain control again...
And I would pretty much bet that the BEST inspiration to get healthy is going to arrive in July and I'll look in his/her little face and WANT to live the best life I can live; in many ways.
That is so exciting to me.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Relief is on the way...I hope!
I had to call in sick to work today. My first day back after 7 days off...and I had to call in. NOT GOOD. I was sick last night for several hours; and was kept up until midnight. Then picked up right where I left off when I woke up at 6:30 am. I was so bad I couldn't even get in the shower to even START getting ready. I had no choice but to get back in bed. But I still feel bad and guilty.
I called my OB's office and they called me in a prescription for Zofran; which is a drug given to chemotherapy patients.
I really feel guilty being so depressed and upset at such a joyous and amazing time. Some people are sick because they are SICK - not because they have a beautiful life growing inside of them. Some people who have been trying to conceive for a long time would give anything to throw up 24/7 for this reason. It's just hard.........and I am putting more guilty feeings on myself than I should. So what's new??? :)
Anyway, I am going to go back to my best friend, the waterbed, and rest up for my big trip to Wal-Mart to pick up my prescription. Wish me luck. I have not been out in public in 5 days.
I called my OB's office and they called me in a prescription for Zofran; which is a drug given to chemotherapy patients.
I really feel guilty being so depressed and upset at such a joyous and amazing time. Some people are sick because they are SICK - not because they have a beautiful life growing inside of them. Some people who have been trying to conceive for a long time would give anything to throw up 24/7 for this reason. It's just hard.........and I am putting more guilty feeings on myself than I should. So what's new??? :)
Anyway, I am going to go back to my best friend, the waterbed, and rest up for my big trip to Wal-Mart to pick up my prescription. Wish me luck. I have not been out in public in 5 days.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
This isn't going to be pretty....
I am MISERABLE. Beyond miserable. UTTERLY AND TOTALLY miserable.
It has now been a month of solid sickness; with a few good days sprinkled in... and I am thankful for those...because without those days, I would have forgotten what "normal" feels like. I have officially moved to throw-up morning sickness...and it's not morning - it's ALL.OF.THE.TIME. Infact, I may not finish this entry without a jaunt to the bathroom. Waaaahhhhhhh.
I am on vacation this week which I am SO THANKFUL for... I don't think I could be at work like this even though it's a total waste of a "vacation." I really really really hope and pray that by next Tuesday, most of this has calmed down. I will be in my 11th week then....and rumour has it, this should end around 12 weeks.
Christmas was nice....but I was sick the whole time. I missed the Creekmore family gathering because of sickness - Toby made our announcement there for us - and everyone understood my absence. I made it to all Christmas Day events (three!) but I was pretty pitiful at each. I loved seeing everyone but wished I was in my waterbed the whole time. That is the only place I feel comfortable anymore.
On Monday after Christmas, I stayed at home all day and had to miss a lunch with my brother, Kristen, and our good friends JJ and Erika who were in town for the day. UGH! On Tuesday, I was feeling a tad better so I went to get my haircut and met my brother for lunch. Then we went to Regency to spend some gift certificate money....and I think that's when I pushed it too much. When I got home around 6pm, I was BEAT and spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. :( Finally got to sleep around 3am, which forced me to have to cancel my Williamsburg Day with Cece which was scheduled for today. We are going to TRY for tomorrow. I have been in bed ALL DAY today, resting up.
THERE IS A BABY IN THERE. And that is the ONLY thing that is keeping me afloat at this point. I'm getting pretty depressed and upset at my current state... but it's all for a good cause and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Poor Toby feels helpless - I feel bad for him.
Say some prayers and/or send me some NO MORE SICKNESS vibes. :) I sure could use them. Thanks for the vent.
It has now been a month of solid sickness; with a few good days sprinkled in... and I am thankful for those...because without those days, I would have forgotten what "normal" feels like. I have officially moved to throw-up morning sickness...and it's not morning - it's ALL.OF.THE.TIME. Infact, I may not finish this entry without a jaunt to the bathroom. Waaaahhhhhhh.
I am on vacation this week which I am SO THANKFUL for... I don't think I could be at work like this even though it's a total waste of a "vacation." I really really really hope and pray that by next Tuesday, most of this has calmed down. I will be in my 11th week then....and rumour has it, this should end around 12 weeks.
Christmas was nice....but I was sick the whole time. I missed the Creekmore family gathering because of sickness - Toby made our announcement there for us - and everyone understood my absence. I made it to all Christmas Day events (three!) but I was pretty pitiful at each. I loved seeing everyone but wished I was in my waterbed the whole time. That is the only place I feel comfortable anymore.
On Monday after Christmas, I stayed at home all day and had to miss a lunch with my brother, Kristen, and our good friends JJ and Erika who were in town for the day. UGH! On Tuesday, I was feeling a tad better so I went to get my haircut and met my brother for lunch. Then we went to Regency to spend some gift certificate money....and I think that's when I pushed it too much. When I got home around 6pm, I was BEAT and spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. :( Finally got to sleep around 3am, which forced me to have to cancel my Williamsburg Day with Cece which was scheduled for today. We are going to TRY for tomorrow. I have been in bed ALL DAY today, resting up.
THERE IS A BABY IN THERE. And that is the ONLY thing that is keeping me afloat at this point. I'm getting pretty depressed and upset at my current state... but it's all for a good cause and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Poor Toby feels helpless - I feel bad for him.
Say some prayers and/or send me some NO MORE SICKNESS vibes. :) I sure could use them. Thanks for the vent.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I'm out! At work.
I told my boss yesterday.
And he was AWESOME about it. Thank goodness. There was NO reason for me to think otherwise, I was just working it up in my head. He was happy for me and very gracious and didn't even mention the inconvenience it was going to be to him. I feel like a new woman.
I told my buddy Bill yesterday and also told him I was feeling guilty and scared to tell my boss. He said "Geez! You need to stop that right now! This is wonderful. And besides, you should HOPE that he is mean and discriminates against you so that you can sue this company and never have to work a day in your life again!"
Hadn't thought about it that way. Thanks, Bill!
In other news, I threw up in the lobby bathroom at work today. My first work throw up. I hope it was my last. I don't FEEL sick. The 24/7 crippling nausea seems to have ended. I just felt like I had to throw up, went and did it, and it was over. Strange.
I have a feeling that a lot of strange things are going to be happening to me in the near future.
And he was AWESOME about it. Thank goodness. There was NO reason for me to think otherwise, I was just working it up in my head. He was happy for me and very gracious and didn't even mention the inconvenience it was going to be to him. I feel like a new woman.
I told my buddy Bill yesterday and also told him I was feeling guilty and scared to tell my boss. He said "Geez! You need to stop that right now! This is wonderful. And besides, you should HOPE that he is mean and discriminates against you so that you can sue this company and never have to work a day in your life again!"
Hadn't thought about it that way. Thanks, Bill!
In other news, I threw up in the lobby bathroom at work today. My first work throw up. I hope it was my last. I don't FEEL sick. The 24/7 crippling nausea seems to have ended. I just felt like I had to throw up, went and did it, and it was over. Strange.
I have a feeling that a lot of strange things are going to be happening to me in the near future.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The best excuse for slacking EVER!
It's been a while since I last blogged...but I promise I have a really good excuse this time!
Yep! We're having a baby!
This has been me lately: Sick. Tired. Sick. Exhausted. Nauceous. Comatose. Sick. Sick. Puke. Gag. Sleepy........................
That about sums up December for me! How about you? :)
We are very very excited. Although, I have to admit, I will be MORE excited when I get to where I don't feel like I am going to puke on my shoes at any moment. This "morning" sickness is a bunch of BULLSHIT. It's not morning - it's morning, noon, night, MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, morning, noon, night.....and keep that going for weeks. It's been the hardest time of my life, I think. I really am a wuss, huh?
Pregnancy sickness to me has felt like the worst hangover in the entire world; complete with pukey gags and pounding headache - only it lasts 24/7. Just imagine a night of drinking Vodka Tonics, one after another, and passing out in your bathroom floor. (Not that I have ever done that, mind you...) Now imagine that feeling when you FIRST wake up. When you FIRST open your eyes and realize that you feel like absolute dog shit.
Welcome to my world.
BUT IT'S ALL FOR A WONDERFUL CAUSE! (That's been my mantra as I stare at myself in the public bathroom mirror at work; praying for 5pm to hurry up so I can go home and put on my pajamas and lay in the waterbed.)
Now, most of you know, I started a new job supporting a Vice President at PM. I was on my new job approximately ONE DAY before I peed on the stick and got a Big Fat Positive. Not exactly the best timing in the world. I have to admit, I feel guilty and I'm SCARED TO DEATH to tell my boss. That's right - I have not told him yet. I plan to tell him on Thursday before I leave for a week and a half vacation. :) Not that I think he'll be mean about it at all - he is an incredibly nice and soft-spoken man...and his daughters are his LIFE so I know that family is important to him. I just don't know what his reaction to me being out for 3 months is going to be...and I'm scared...but I'll burn that bridge on Thursday, I suppose.
I have told a few people at work - mainly the ladies I work closely with. They have all had children - and I felt it best that SOMEONE know what was going on with me just incase someone found me in the fetal position in the corner of the copy room crying for my Mommy. Luckily that hasn't happened yet...but there have been some close calls. Trust me.
We waited to tell our families. We only waited 3 weeks but it felt like THREE YEARS as I wanted to tell my parents SO BAD!! We wanted to surprise them for Christmas. We each made a deal to tell our siblings.
I told Kim immediately since she JUST gave birth to my neice. She's my main resource for any and all pregnancy info!
On November 28, I met Matt and Kristen at Mexico for dinner. I sat down and said "I have to tell you guys something..." and before I could say anything else, Kristen screamed and covered her mouth with her hands and stared at me, eyes big as saucers. Matt looked at her...then me....then her...then me. Like "What the hell?" Then he got it. :) I didn't have to say anything. They both seemed very very excited and Matt even said that he would have to take time off of the Warped Tour to come home for the birth - which I think is crazy! But touching that he would even want to do that! I would never ask him to...
We have since told friends and co-workers slowly over the weeks.... I didn't want to make too much of a big deal until my first appt. But that plan went down the tubes when I finally HAD to tell my parents. I was so sick - it was very hard to hide it and I didn't want to AVOID my parents.
On December 15, we had the "Taylor Family Christmas" at my parents house for me, Toby, Matt, Kristen, Mom and Dad. Instead of exhanging gifts this year, we adopted a family that was in Hurricane Katrina and we spoiled them. We got together the night of the 15th to wrap all of the gifts and have a meal together. Although I didn't get to stay for the wrapping part because nighttime is the worst for me and my "sickness." So after dinner we gave Mom and Dad a little Christmas Present to unwrap. It was the book The Gift Of Being Grand. When Dad unwrapped the book, Mom got it instantly and covered her face with her hands and started bawling and walking backwards away from us... Toby got scared and thought she was upset. Matt and I knew different because we already discussed how she was going to freak the heck out. :) Dad just looked at her like "What is your problem?" and then got it himself and looked at me and said "Really?" He said "This is awesome! We thought we were going to be 80 before we had grandkids!" Mom is still over there bawling. They gave us hugs - and I think Mom being so emotional was starting to get Toby emotional - which was sweet. He's so excited too. He's convinced it's a boy.
And for the past week, my mother, Sandie Taylor, has had to KEEP THIS A SECRET because we have not told Toby's parents or our extended families. We will be telling them on actual Christmas. I can't wait to tell my Mimi and my aunts. They are going to be so excited! We also bought books for Christmas presents to give to Toby's parents and our grandparents. I got books about Great-Grandmothers and Great-Grandfathers... We thought that was a neat way to make our announcement on Christmas.
So, now I'm just kind of anxious. I'll feel much better after I tell my boss tomorrow. And I'll feel better once ALL of our family knows and I don' t have to hide it anymore. I won't be physically ABLE to hide it much longer - I've grown out of my clothes already!
Muu-Muus here I come!!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Thanksgiving and More...
Whew!!!! Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately with the new job and the holidays....but I THINK I feel a little bit of breathing time coming up. My new boss is at Keswick today for a meeting so it will be a tad slower.
Thanksgiving was very nice; although not without some drama. I won't go into it too much because talking about it is equivalent to ripping my guts out but basically some members of Toby's extended family (on his Dad's side) refused to come to the family meal until my sister-in-law, Kim, and my new neice, Kendall, left because they did not want to be in the presense of a SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY who's father is black. That was never actually stated OUTLOUD but was extremely obvious; and was basically confirmed the next day when Kim called up to their house and confronted them.
And that's all I'm going to say because I'm getting worked up. Here is a picture of my beautiful, adorable, wonderful neice who is VERY loved by those that matter:
After that eventful family meal at 2:30pm, Toby and I hit the road for MY family's annual gathering in Tappahannock which was wonderful, as always. We got there around 5pm and left around 7 so we were not there very long. We missed the actual MEAL but that is just fine as I truly do not need to eat two Thanksgiving Dinners in one day.
On Friday, we hit the road again for Toby's Mom's house on the Eastern Shore to spend some time with her and her boyfriend, Rick, for Thanksgiving. On Saturday, Kim and her family came and we ALL spent another night. Siano, Kim's boyfriend, has another daughter (6 yrs old) from a previous relationship and she came with them. She quickly became Toby's best friend and she quickly made ME jealous with her AMAZING head of hair!
And in the true spirit of Thanksgiving: NAPS.
I must make a good pillow!
So, Thanksgiving is over and it was back to reality. The new job is going very well and I'm catching on more and more everyday. The first few days were a little rough - for a lot of reasons that I am not talking about...yet. :) Maybe one day. But now things are starting to even out and it's all falling into place and I'm feeling settled. Working for a VP is definitely up a few notches from my previous positions...so my anxiety level is higher than normal - I'm just scared of screwing up!!! I'm looking forward to getting more comfortable and not being on "level 10" every day!
My Monday back to work after the Holiday started off in an "interesting" way with another run-in with the mean lady in the locker room. This is my SECOND encounter with this woman - and it had my blood boiling and I nearly punched her in the face; which is SO unlike me. To make a long story short, this woman is as mean as a snake and has YELLED at me in the locker room in the fitness center here at work. Let me just say that NO ONE yells at me. No one. Not even my parents yelled at me when I was bad! So to have a complete stranger at work YELL at me?!?!?! Does not go over well.
My first encounter with her was last year some time.... She yelled at me for drying my hair near the sink and "filling it with hair" and not cleaning it up and for being inconsiderate of others. Ummm. #1 Who the heck are you? #2 I did not get hair in the sink. and #3 Why the HELL are you yelling at me in public locker room in front of lots of people?
This woman also pitches a fit when someone sprays anything - like deoderant, hairspray, perfume, etc... IS THIS NOT A WOMAN'S LOCKER ROOM AT 8AM IN THE MORNING??? Anyway..................
This past Monday, I walked into the locker room to hang my suit jacket on the pole where EVERYONE hangs their clothes while they are working out. She was the only other person in there and was pulling her clothes out of her bag and onto a hanger. I placed my hanger on the pole and turned to walk out when she yelled. (And I mean YELLED...)
"I WAS PUTTING MY CLOTHES ON A HANGER TO PUT THEM RIGHT THERE COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT?!?!?!"
I just stood there stunned, stared at her, reached up and moved my hanger over about 1 inch, and walked out.
Screw her.
And now I'm getting worked up over her so I"m going to stop this conversation as well.... I'll change the subject to a couple random thoughts I had this morning:
1. Why oh why does every single house in my neighborhood insist on filling their tiny front yards with SEVERAL blow up Christmas decorations that deflate during the night and look like big piles of laundry on their front lawn as I drive by to go to work in the mornings? And why oh why does that one house on the corner have a giant inflatable SNOW GLOBE in their yard that actually blows around fake snow in it?
2. I bet the sight of me (white girl) in her soccer mom vehicle (mazda tribute) jammin to "Hoochie Mama" by 2 Live Crew at top volume on the Powhite Parkway in the mornings really makes some people happy.
3. I really love my husband. That's not random but I just wanted to say it. :)
Thanksgiving was very nice; although not without some drama. I won't go into it too much because talking about it is equivalent to ripping my guts out but basically some members of Toby's extended family (on his Dad's side) refused to come to the family meal until my sister-in-law, Kim, and my new neice, Kendall, left because they did not want to be in the presense of a SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY who's father is black. That was never actually stated OUTLOUD but was extremely obvious; and was basically confirmed the next day when Kim called up to their house and confronted them.
And that's all I'm going to say because I'm getting worked up. Here is a picture of my beautiful, adorable, wonderful neice who is VERY loved by those that matter:
After that eventful family meal at 2:30pm, Toby and I hit the road for MY family's annual gathering in Tappahannock which was wonderful, as always. We got there around 5pm and left around 7 so we were not there very long. We missed the actual MEAL but that is just fine as I truly do not need to eat two Thanksgiving Dinners in one day.
On Friday, we hit the road again for Toby's Mom's house on the Eastern Shore to spend some time with her and her boyfriend, Rick, for Thanksgiving. On Saturday, Kim and her family came and we ALL spent another night. Siano, Kim's boyfriend, has another daughter (6 yrs old) from a previous relationship and she came with them. She quickly became Toby's best friend and she quickly made ME jealous with her AMAZING head of hair!
And in the true spirit of Thanksgiving: NAPS.
I must make a good pillow!
So, Thanksgiving is over and it was back to reality. The new job is going very well and I'm catching on more and more everyday. The first few days were a little rough - for a lot of reasons that I am not talking about...yet. :) Maybe one day. But now things are starting to even out and it's all falling into place and I'm feeling settled. Working for a VP is definitely up a few notches from my previous positions...so my anxiety level is higher than normal - I'm just scared of screwing up!!! I'm looking forward to getting more comfortable and not being on "level 10" every day!
My Monday back to work after the Holiday started off in an "interesting" way with another run-in with the mean lady in the locker room. This is my SECOND encounter with this woman - and it had my blood boiling and I nearly punched her in the face; which is SO unlike me. To make a long story short, this woman is as mean as a snake and has YELLED at me in the locker room in the fitness center here at work. Let me just say that NO ONE yells at me. No one. Not even my parents yelled at me when I was bad! So to have a complete stranger at work YELL at me?!?!?! Does not go over well.
My first encounter with her was last year some time.... She yelled at me for drying my hair near the sink and "filling it with hair" and not cleaning it up and for being inconsiderate of others. Ummm. #1 Who the heck are you? #2 I did not get hair in the sink. and #3 Why the HELL are you yelling at me in public locker room in front of lots of people?
This woman also pitches a fit when someone sprays anything - like deoderant, hairspray, perfume, etc... IS THIS NOT A WOMAN'S LOCKER ROOM AT 8AM IN THE MORNING??? Anyway..................
This past Monday, I walked into the locker room to hang my suit jacket on the pole where EVERYONE hangs their clothes while they are working out. She was the only other person in there and was pulling her clothes out of her bag and onto a hanger. I placed my hanger on the pole and turned to walk out when she yelled. (And I mean YELLED...)
"I WAS PUTTING MY CLOTHES ON A HANGER TO PUT THEM RIGHT THERE COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT?!?!?!"
I just stood there stunned, stared at her, reached up and moved my hanger over about 1 inch, and walked out.
Screw her.
And now I'm getting worked up over her so I"m going to stop this conversation as well.... I'll change the subject to a couple random thoughts I had this morning:
1. Why oh why does every single house in my neighborhood insist on filling their tiny front yards with SEVERAL blow up Christmas decorations that deflate during the night and look like big piles of laundry on their front lawn as I drive by to go to work in the mornings? And why oh why does that one house on the corner have a giant inflatable SNOW GLOBE in their yard that actually blows around fake snow in it?
2. I bet the sight of me (white girl) in her soccer mom vehicle (mazda tribute) jammin to "Hoochie Mama" by 2 Live Crew at top volume on the Powhite Parkway in the mornings really makes some people happy.
3. I really love my husband. That's not random but I just wanted to say it. :)
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