MJ is free and I'm getting fatter.

Don't know which one upsets me more.

Actually, I am not shocked at the MJ verdict as I was pretty certain that the evidence was not there to convict him in a court of law. Was the evidence there for ME to think he's guilty as sin? Hell yeah. Bottom line is you CAN'T convict someone unless the physical evidence is there. Sure, it happens. But it shouldn't.

I'm not saying he ain't a crazy mo-fo with some major issues that need serious help.... But the prosecution didn't do it's job to the fullest extent. Or someone got paid. (Did I just say that?)

Just a thought - it's just such a coinky-dink that all of these "hollywood trials" end up with there not being enough evidence to convict beyond a shadow of a doubt.....Things that make you go hmmmm?

ANYHOO - Fatter, I am getting. I'm ready to just burst with disgust of this situation. I know it's hard for someone who has never had a weight problem/issue to understand the mental anguish this is putting me though. I'm sure people are thinking "Shut the F up already!!" But these 20 lbs might as well be 200.

Toby does not understand. He flat out said if I would go walk the trail at Rockwood Park a couple times a week, my problem would be solved. Thanks for the suggestion, honey, but IT'S NOT THAT. Now go back to eating your entire Digiourno Pizza and 4 Whitecastle Cheeseburgers. I love you.

I actually am feeling better since I went back on the Lexapro last week. I am no longer crying 500 times a day at nothing...and my obsessive analyzing has subsided somewhat and hopefully soon will disappear completely. I even felt "light on my feet" after a few days...like maybe since the depression/anxiety was leaving maybe some pounds will be going with it too! Many people say that losing weight is in your mind and my mind is getting better - so let me weigh and see - and I did and had lost 3 lbs. These days, 3 lbs is like losing 30 lbs to me ...It's MONUMENTAL. So I was walking on sunshine for a few days...but I started to feel a little heavy again this morning and my clothes were tight so I weighed and had gained 4.

&^$%$$&)(*&%$$%^*&^%&*()(*^^%^&*

(Repeat that exact scenerio 8000 times and you just witnessed my life since March 1.)

I have a Dr. appt tomorrow morning to discuss the MRI results (or lack thereof) and my primary topic will be weight loss. This is torture - utter torture.

I have a laundry list of symptoms of Hypothyroidism that I printed from the internet; complete with handwritten additions and explanations to each one that I am experiencing. I am expecting good conversation tomorrow. And if this thyroid thing STILL goes no where, I am asking about SOMETHING I can take to jumpstart/shock my metabolism into WORKING, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

I asked about the prescribed weight loss medications on the Twenties site and got some responses about the drug Xenical and all of it's glorious side effects, namely Anal Leakage. Just saying those 2 words together in that order makes me want to vomit.

This weight gain feels SO bad, I actually thought about it for a sec.

THAT should give you guys some perspective - I'd rather deal with Anal Leakage than this weight!

But then I shook my head and snapped out of it. I mean, it's ANAL LEAKAGE.

It's never THAT bad. Right?!?!?!?!?!