"It's like watching Steel Magnolias"

So, yesterday was a hard day. Maybe one of my hardest. Ever.

Carol Bock is very very sick and is not going to get better this time. It's been 10 years of "getting sick" and "getting better" so I guess I have always just taken for granted that she is a 99 pound beast and can fight her way out of anything. Even when Mom told me that Carol Bock had been diagnosed with breast cancer (I think I was at college - Mom told me over the phone.) I just was like "Ok." and then went on with my day... I mean, Carol Bock is the strongest person on the planet. She is a vitamin guru...she has been feeding me vitamins since 5th grade...she knows reflexology and yoga and auras and the "powers of positive thinking." I KNEW she would get cancer, beat it, and we'd all go on our merry way. No problem.

**Oh, and it's "Carol Bock" - I can't remember when that started but Cece and I have not called her Carol or Mom or anything other than "Carol Bock" when we talk about her in years and years.

So, Cece flew home on Wednesday on the red eye and she's here now. Because it's going to be soon. And I can't even wrap my head around it.

I went over there yesterday and Carol Bock is sitting in her chair in the living room. Next to the hospital bed they have brought in - which she loves because she's sleeping through the night for the first time in years - or that could be the morphine drip. Either way, she's loving it.

I came in and Cece was massaging her Mom's feet like the Refloxology lady taught her to yesterday. It's supposed to help the insane swelling go down. I sat down by Cece and we just talked and laugh. Carol is still very lucid - only a bit dopey from the meds. She confuses reality with dreams sometimes and will bust out with "Hey, bring me that thing I brought back from New York" and John (her amazing husband) will say "Dear, we haven't been in to New York in many years." And Carol will say "I dreamed that didn't I? Well shit."

Then this prompts a million hilarious stories about their visits to NYC when Cece lived up there... It's now turned into talking about memories and remembering stories - most are incredibly hilarious because that is Carol Bock. Still full of herself.

At one point, Cece and John were in the kitchen fixing her lunch and it was just me with Carol. She asked me to hand her this leather portfolio that was on the floor. I did, and she said "This is the stuff for my funeral. I have some writings and here's the music I want... But Dear God I hope my minister doesn't sing. She thinks she can sing and she's terrible. I was going to tell her that yesterday but I got interrupted so I'll need to call her and tell her who I want to sing because she's bad!"

So I say "Hey, I'm sure Cece and I can get in touch with Marian and have her sing for it." **Marian was a girl in high school that Cece hung around with (she got on my nerves) and whenever she would come to their house, she would sit at the dinner table and sing for Carol. Badly.

So then I start laughing which leads to crying and she says "Don't do that, Stephanie!" (To be honest, I'm suprised I lasted that long because I was already a sobbing mess on the way TO their house...and had composed myself to get in the door.)

Then she says "I'll always be with you."

She said "I am so glad that I get to have this time to say the things I want to say and to say goodbye. Most people do not get this chance." Then she started telling me that she doesn't know what to say to John. Because he truly is the most incredible, amazing, patient man. Even before she got really sick... And I told her "You don't have to say anything. He knows." and she said "Yeah, he knows. But I want to tell him."

I'm crying again.

So then Cece walks in and says "Mama you made Stephanie cry!!" and gives me a hug. I tell Cece about my Marian idea and we all start laughing again.

Carol Bock says "See! Coming to visit me - you laugh and you cry."

I said "It's like a fucking roller coaster with you." (You can say Fuck around Carol Bock.)

Cece says "It's like watching Steel Magnolias."

And this is kind of how the next 4 hours went... crying, mostly laughing, and me thinking in my head "I can't believe this..."

At one point, Cece and I had to lift her up a bit to readjust her pillows and she said "This is awful. I am so weak. Stephanie, don't do go this way. Go jump off a cliff. I meant to go do that but I forgot."

And she told me about her good friend that visited the previous day. Kathleen walked in and took off her glasses and sat down and said "You are so beautiful." And Carol says "Kathleen don't give me that bullshit! I'm falling out of my chair and I can't wipe my own ass. Now sit down and let's chat!"

Typical. And it's precisely why I love this woman so much and have craved her advice and guidance for over 20 years.

Cece's boyfriend Greg is coming today. He has not met any of the family and actually, I have not met him either. They have been together for awhile and it's the BEST relationship Cece has had. She giggles when I talked about marriage - and Cece don't giggle.

When Cece walked out yesterday, Carol told me "I am so weak. I'm glad Greg is coming. I really want to say Hi."

So I don't know if that was code for 'I need to meet Greg - the man who will take care of my daughter - and then I will be free to go' or what. But I have a feeling it was.

Cece told me yesterday that she has a feeling that Carol will die today. She says she hopes she doesn't but she feels like she will. And those 2 have been psychically linked forever. So I would not be shocked if it happens.

And on Mother's Day - which is actually quite funny because Carol Bock has always thought Mother's Day was a load of crap and this would be a typical final Screw You.

I'm so going to miss this woman.

She's getting mobile. My life is over.

This is what I found when I went in Stella's room this morning:



Now she can go from laying to sitting with no help.
And she's quite happy about it.



She had her 9 month check up yesterday and she is a PERFECT picture of health! She's 21 lbs and 29 inches and was SO GOOD for the doc and the shots (a finger prick and a thigh shot...ugh I hate those!)

Hey Uncle Matt - remember this place?
(This was the same pediatric practice that Matt and I went to as babies....)



I ain't scared of no shots.



We had a little photo session before the appt because her jeans were so damn cute I couldn't resist.

And here's a tip! Baby girl jeans are already too tight and uncomfortable. Our society starts making girls feel bad about themselves EARLY don't they? Anyway, these are BOY jeans and they fit her great and are comfy. SO there's a tip for any fellow moms of girls. Get the boy jeans.

Blowing raspberries




Do these jeans make my butt look big?



Standing. Lord help my Mama.



And here's a shot of Popeye...err, I mean Stella, getting up from her nap....



Have a good weekend everyone!

Nothing Heavy Today - Just Fluff

Goodness. Time flies.

There are several things that have been going on my life that have taken up my brain-space.

One of those things is breaking my heart into a million pieces and involves someone very dear to me since I was a wee girl. But I don't even want to think about it, so I won't. Not now, anyways.

Another one of those things is so frigging stupid and I am currently having to "seperate" myself from one person completely because I refuse to associate with such "la la land-ness" right now. I made that word up but I think it needs to be in Webster's. So, I am not going to waste any more typing power on that one...

Work has become extrememly busy - in a GOOD way. I have been given several "Development Opportunities" which means I am working on major projects and have responsibilities I have never had before. This also means I did not get a new title or more $$$$...so this "Development Opportunity" better eventually "Develop into Something Good" or I will be "Highly Pissed."

And other daily life events just take over and I don't get time to Blog. IF I get computer time at home, it's for about 1.5 minutes and I can only "check" things and never respond....so my apologies to those on myspace who never hear back. I save all your messages and will one day respond. Promise!

Anyway, since I do not want to talk about anything "deep" today, I will instead discuss something that has been on my mind a lot lately - esp as I am driving in my car with the radio on...

Why does Fergie (from the Black Eyed Peas; not the Duchess) insist on S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G all the words in her songs. That's like THREE songs now where she spells the chorus. And how in the hell can she sleep at night after so shamelessly ripping off "Supersonic" by JJ Fad? And "Pussy" by Lords of Acid? I don't enjoy Fergie.

But here are people I DO enjoy:

1. John Mayer - he's talented as hell, hysterical, and genius - check out his blog. And I like him with Jessica Simpson - so there!

2. Rosie O'Donnell AND Elisabeth Hasselback
- they bicker every single day and have total opposite opinions - but I agree with some things from each of them. And I love how they stand by their opinions, how they support their opinions with education and research, and how they are still friends after they hash it all out. (Although Rosie was OFF HER ROCKER on Tuesday and I hated how she kept yelling "Elisabeth!" before she would make a point...)

3. Gwen Stefani - The yodeling song makes me almost wreck my car because I can't help but dance in my seat. Plus, she's hot.

4. Alec Baldwin - Yes, he left the worst message EVER EVER EVER on his 11 year old daughter's cell phone. Which is HEINOUS. He needs therapy, for sure. But I ENJOY him. His is my all-time favorite SNL host. He's an incredible actor and a genius comedian. And I think Kim Basinger is a nut job. I DON'T enjoy her. And I DON'T enjoy THEM and how they collectively have handled their divorce and the million-year-long custody battle. Get over yourselves and think about the kid.

5. Motion City Soundtrack - with the favorite being my amazing brother. Here, WATCH THEIR WEBISODES THAT DOCUMENT THE NEW ALBUM. And what I REALLY enjoy about them is that I have booked a plane ticket to NYC for myself for July 25 to watch them Headline a show at the Gramercy Theater and I AM SO EXCITED.

And my favorite person on earth that I enjoy:
Stella O'Dell!!

Teeth:


Yuppie:




Collecting stuffed animals:


Swinging in the sun:

April Update

I took a vacation day today to stay home with Stella. My Mom and her extended family are all at a funeral of a cousin and I had no one to keep Stella. Oh boo hoo. It killed me to stay home and miss work. (That, my friends, was sarcasm at it's finest.) It's 3:12 pm and I'm still in my PJs and Stella is working on her 2nd nap of the day. Heaven!!

The Tech Tragedy is all over the place and I really can't tear myself away from it - but I do get so pissed off at some points that I have to force myself to just cut the TV off. I want to hear about the victims - not about how all of these people (who have no connection to Tech or Law Enforcement, for that matter) are arguing that the Police and the University did not act fast enough and "what happened in those 2 hours?" WHO GIVES A SHIT? The police acted on the info they had at the time which is all anyone can ever do. What is the point in rehashing all of this? It happened. It's done. There is nothing ANY of us can do to EVER prevent a madman from going on any type of rampage - if he is determined to do it, he's going to do it. Bottom line. For the love of God, SHUT YOUR PRETTY, NEWSPEOPLE FACES!

BUT, if they don't rehash it, I guess there would be no news, no talk shows, and no controversies....

Stella did wear her Tech onesie on Tuesday in honor of the victims. Yes, I am cheeseball.


And people wonder why I can't wait until Friday to buy the latest editions of Life & Style, In Touch, and Us Weekly. Because it does not make me want to yell at the TV. It's MINDLESS. I told Toby this morning, "I never thought I would say this but hearing about Anna Nicole Smith is actually refreshing."

We live in a crazy world, people.

But as far as the Creekmore house is concerned, all is well. And I thank God for it!

Stella is a joy - more and more every single day. She's so smart and has many tricks - waving, pattycake, and now she leans in when you say "can you give me a kiss?" so you can kiss HER. She should be used to kisses - she gets 873,648,059,247,583 from me alone daily. She loves Elmo and whenever he comes on, she kicks her legs and flails her arms all around. She has loved the tune "Jingle Bells" since she was a little thing, and at the end of Elmo's World, he sings about whatever topic of the day to the tune of "Jingle Bells." (The other day is the "Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs, Dino - sauuuuuers. Dino Dino Dino Dino Dino Dino Saurs!") The girl is in heaven. She also loves the Backyardigans - does that show want to make anyone else cry? It's cute overload!! And Wonder Pets is another favorite of mine...er, I mean hers. Her favorite toys are the Fish Bowl and Gumball Machine that cousin Emaline loaned her. She'll play with those for extended amounts of time which allows me to do stuff like load and unload the dishwasher and fold laundry. Oh yeah, and take showers.

Our most stressful "milestone" lately is Solid Food. I think I am going to need therapy after this is said and done. She eats Gerber Jarred foods. I don't have time to make her baby food - and frankly I don't want to. I hardly know how to make adult food. I don't think Stella will have to attend therapy sessions in her teen years because I fed her jarred baby food. But anyway, that's the extent of her food. Which is fine at this point...for ME. Her DADDY likes to feed her food off of his plate, which gives me mini-coronaries and results in big fights. Not so fun.

She has two teeth. On the BOTTOM. Not exactly the best scenerio for CHEWING.

The worst was at Easter Breakfast when he fed her sausage (yes, sausage) and I MADE myself sit there and not bitch. Well then I hear this gutteral gag from Stella and she is gagging, gagging, and then spews everywhere. I was so mad. But I didn't have to say anything because Toby's sister let him have it. Thanks Kim.

We went to Cheesecake Bistro recently and they bring plates of fruit to all the kids - which I don't think is right to do unless you ask the parents but I digress.... They set down this plate that had fruit arranged in a big smiley face. Cute. But then Toby starts feeding her too big pieces of STRAWBERRIES. How can you "gum" strawberries when you don't really know how to eat yet anyways... well she gag and chokes and I yell and have a heart attack and we get in a fight. That was a nice dinner.

So, a girl at work who had a baby the same time I had Stella suggested these mesh feeders and SHE DESERVES AN AWARD. I got a couple at Target yesterday and Stella LOVES them! And so do I. I cut up an apple and put it in there and she gums the mesh part - so she gets the apple juice and some of the "meat" and it also feels good on her teething gums. I can put berries, melon, fresh veggies, whatever in those things! And I don't have to have a heart attack. Yet.




Toby is doing well and I am so very proud of his strength in losing his Papaw. Tomorrow is Mamaw's birthday and we are meeting some of the family for dinner - that will be another test for him. It's just strange for Papaw not to be there. When we are here at our house, we are a bit removed so it's easy to just kind of push it into the back of your head. But when you are at Mamaw and Papaw's house and he's not there.... it's just hard.

I hear Miss Thing now. That nap lasted about 4 paragraphs.

Here are some quick pics from the past couple weeks:

Hokie Heartache

We're a "Tech Family." My Dad went there and I had friends that went there so I did some partying in West AJ a time or two (Don't tell my Mom.) My Dad's boss donates a gazillion dollars to the school and the football field is named after him. We're connected in a few ways. So, I can't stop reading and watching about the VA Tech tragedy. It's just atrocious. Actually, it's worse than that.

There are no words. I keep putting myself in those students' shoes...or try to anyway...I imagine myself that naive yet invincible freshman again...sitting in class daydreaming about whatever "drama" was going on with my friends...and then having some crazy idiot come into my class and kill nearly everyone but me. Did you see the interview with the girl who was in the German class - she was pretty with a shaved head and cool glasses - she was so eloquent but the words coming out of her mouth were so ugly "...he was dressed like a boy scout with a vest full of ammo. Everyone was on the floor bleeding and dying. I just laid there like I was dead."

It's just sick.

And Stella is not allowed to go to away to college. She will take classes online from University of Phoenix. From her bedroom. Which will be locked from the outside.

Kidding, of course. Sort of.

:(

The day after...

The funeral was nice. The graveside portion was the best - extremely touching. I had never seen the military perform the flag ceremony before and that was really nice. The actual service sucked. Mamaw loved it and that is what is important but they have gone to a "fire and brimstone" southern baptist church for a million years...and I just do not dig that stuff AT ALL. The whole service was a sermon about how Papaw loved Jesus and he is in Heaven...but do YOU love Jesus? Because if you dont you are going straight to hell right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (complete with leaning over the pulpit and finger pointing...) They really didnt even talk about Papaw at all - there were not personal stories - just about how if you dont believe you are going to die in the firey pits of hell - which pissed us grandkids off big time....but it made it easy not to cry - being so pissed your head is going to explode. Thank God the graveside part made up for it.

Some very good things came out of Papaws death. (By the way, I know I need apostophes but everytime I hit that key the screen goes weird.) Anyway, we made up with Chris (but are still keeping boundaries, trust me) and Toby also buried the hatchet with Ramos. Im really happy about this.

Some very bad things came out of it too. Besides losing the greatest man on the planet, we also got to witness some people showing their deeply selfish sides - and that hurts, bad. Hurts to the point where I am not sure what our relationship will be like in the future. I WISH I could write about it but I just cant... I just wish she would GET HER HEAD OUT OF THE FREAKING OZONE LAYER.

My brother leaves today. I am sad. I feel like I didnt see him much - maybe I feel that way because I didnt! We were constantly at the hospital or at Mamaws house. Luckily, he comes back here in a few weeks after a short tour of Europe - the lucky bastard.

Yall - the new records will knock your socks off!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ETA: July. GET READY.

So, I smoked a lot this past week (all the Creekmores are MAJOR smokers and I was stressed...it was inevitable...so I am in rehab this week.) It will be easy - I feel like my throat is on fire. I also ate enough cheese dip to kill a horse.

Back to my food journal today - back to "normal" life, right???

Happy Easter

We have FOUR places to be today. :) Tis the Season!

Papaw passed away around 4pm on Friday. The heart attack is what killed him; but they also determined that he was in the beginning stages of Leukemia. Hearing this has made this whole situation a LITTLE bit easier to deal with - as Papaw would have MUCH rather passed like this than a long, drawn out illness with chemo and radiation. And he died on Good Friday. And Saturday morning we woke up to a blanket of SNOW. There is so much symbolism.

Food Lion brought TONS of food to the house - and the employees are all meeting in the parking lot on Monday and coming to the viewing in a BUS. Even customers were coming in crying yesterday. I think it's awesome.

We spent yesterday at Mamaw's with family coming in and out all day. Everyone is doing ok - they have their moments. It was nice to be around everyone when they are on their best behavior, know what I mean? :)

Today we are meeting Toby's Mom at her boyfriend's house for breakfast, then my Mimi's house at 1pm, then my Nanny's house at 4pm for the Annual Easter Egg Hunt (where the "special egg" - which is older than me - is held together by scotch tape.) And then back to Mamaw's for a giant cook-out for anyone who wants to come visit.

The visitation is Monday from 2-4 and 6-8. Then the funeral is on Tuesday at 2pm.

Thank you ALL for your comments and prayers.

Love, The Creekmores

Good Friday

I am going to be so late for work and I don't care...

There was no change with Papaw. They have now determined it was a blood clot which caused a heart attack. They found him flatlined in his room and worked on him for 25 minutes.

After my last entry, I decided to call into work and go to the hospital. I just had a strong urge that I should go so I took my Mom and Stella with me. We stayed from 9-12. I saw Papaw in ICU - all hooked to machines. It's just heartbreaking because he was still strong as an ox and so active. To see him like this is just not right. Uncle Greg told me that bringing Stella up there was the best medicine for Mamaw and everyone...I'm so glad I went that morning. We have been back to visit but being there that morning was "nice" for me.... if that makes any sense.

That evening, Stella and I did stay home while all of the family was up there after work. Toby told me that all the young girls from Food Lion were up there - in his room, holding his hands, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Now that is the true testament of an amazing man. He had friends of all ages - everyone loved him to bits.

Yesterday different doctors came throughout the day to make their assessments and basically, he is not going to make it. His brain function was less than 5% and his heart was only 10-15%.

They are taking him off life-support at 11am today. Toby and I both decided to go to work and stay "distracted" and meet up with the family later today.

We went up there last week (when we thought he was just in there cause he was feeling kind of bad) and we strolled Stella in his room and he bolted up in the bed and held his arms out and said "Gimme my baby!!" and right at that moment, the nurse came in and said "She can't be in here" and pulled her stroller backwards out the door. The image of Papaw sitting up in his bed, with his arms stretched out, and that baby being taken away is just screwing with me hard. It's the last image I have of him.

We spent last night in the ICU waiting room with everyone...The family is devestated. Toby is devestated beyond comprehension. And it's crazy how death can do this, but Toby has had silent fueds with a couple cousins that we used to be pretty close to...they haven't spoken in years. Before we went to the hospital, Toby said "I'll be nice but I don't have a whole lot to say to Chris." Well, at one point, I look over and Toby just makes a beeline across the waiting room and grabs Chris and they hug and cry for a long time.

Everyone will be OK...but this is just so hard. I only knew the man for 5 years. He was Toby's hero all his life.

Say some prayers for the Creekmore family, would ya? :)

Papaw

Toby's grandpa (Papaw) has been in the hospital since last Thursday. Toby's Dad (Danny) took him to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing. So, he has been there since THURSDAY. They ran some blood tests TUESDAY - yesterday. That is 6 days. What the hell?

On Grey's Anatomy they run tests immediately to find out what the issue is. I know it's TV, but I would HOPE that part would be true! I guess not....

So, we get a call from Toby's Aunt Donna (Uncle Greg's Wife) at midnight last night that they have rushed him to CCU (Critial Care Unit.) I told her we would sit tight and wait for another call. Then Toby's sister (Kim) starts calling. Angie (Greg and Donna's daughter) is up there and has called Kim and has upset her to pieces - she told her that they found him in his room unresponsive. Donna didn't want to worry us and tell us THAT part since it was midnight and all... She's such a wonderful woman. But now Kim is all to pieces... I know she got zero sleep last night. Toby just snoozed through it all - and really there was nothing any of us could do from our houses...so he had the right idea. I think I got about 5 choppy hours. Hello, Mr. Coffee!

Greg just called this morning at 5:45 am to tell us that they have determined that it was a heart attack. Apparently he was out in the hall flirting and joking with the nurses (typical Papaw) and then a few minutes (???) later a nurse went in to give him meds and he was flatlined. No clue how long he was out...so he is now in CCU, on a ventalator, in a coma. They do not know the extent of brain damage (if there is any...but he was "out" for awhile....) But, if we can believe TV, Meredith Grey was out for like 2 days and she hopped up off the table with no need for any recovery time. If only this was Seattle Grace.

I'm worried. For Toby. For Mamaw. For this family. They are already dysfunctional as hell. Papaw is the glue. And come to think of it, he is the ONE AND ONLY person who I have never had an "issue" with (and this includes all aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...) He has never once gotten on my nerves or made me feel guilty in any way. He has never uttered the words "We never see Stella" he just loves her when she's there. And boy does he love her! He was retired from his job at the Post Office a million years ago; but still works nearly full time bagging groceries at Food Lion and LOVES it. He's a people person. And really a joy to be around - He is like a diamond in the rough in that family as far as I am concerned. Everyone is so damn negative - except Papaw.

And he is Toby's hero. This is going to be hard...................

Come out, Come out, Wherever you are!

I want to take inventory.

If you read this blog, will you post a comment?

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