Day Two - Worse than the First

Ugh. I made it through yesterday with flying colors! I didn't even go to see Stella at lunchtime because I called Mom and they were doing great and Stella was sleeping so I decided to stay here and catch up on e-mails (I only had 796 of them...seriously, I was pleased.)

I left here at 4:59 and 59 seconds and was OUT THE DOOR. (Very unlike the FORMER Stephanie - I used to stay until 5:30 or 6 or even 6:30 sometimes.... Never again!) I got to Mom's in about 7 minutes (my new commute after October 21 - Awesome!) and my girl had taken over the living room! haha! Bouncey Seats and toys everywhere! Mom was exhausted but in a good way... It was great. I fed Stella before we hit the road to go home - and we made it home by 6:30.

And then it hit me. There was SO much to do! Dinner, dishwasher, laundry, mail, etc... Stuff I would do at my leisure on maternity leave was all now piled up. AND I hadn't seen the girl ALL DAY LONG so I wanted to hold her constantly - and she didn't want to be held. She wanted to sleep. So that was really hard. It was hitting me HOW MUCH time that work was taking away from my time with my daughter.

I was sitting on the couch and I looked over at her in the swing and she was wrapped up like mummy all the way to her neck (she likes it that way) and she had somehow managed to turn her head around to the side so she could look at me. She just sat there with her neck craned looking at me...and I cried and cried and cried! :) What a goober I am.

This is just really hard. But a bazillion other working moms have done it and survived and I will too. The real lesson in all of this is that I need to start playing the lottery and/or my brother needs to hurry up and get filthy rich and give me some money. (J/K Matt)

Anyway, work pissed me off already too. I had only been here a few hours when I was told by a manager in another department that it had been discussed that since I wanted more responsibility (I don't recall saying that...but anyway...) that I would start supporting that department IN ADDITION to my VP boss. And that the current admin in that department would be giving me some of her responsibilities to take on.

Excuse me but W.T.F.

That admin doesn't do shit anyways! I am not stupid and I can see the future - I'm going to get the SHIT work of that department that she doesn't want to do and they are going to call that "a development opportunity" for me - all the label making, binder stuffing, copying, and shredding. What a joke! Even though I am a grade higher than this other person, SHE is going to be giving me duties?!?! While she goes around, cube by cube, and talks people's ears off all day.

So, normally I would have been through the roof about this. And don't get me wrong, I am mad and irritated and angry and TIRED.... BUT at the same time? I. Don't. Care.

I don't care!! Give me whatever. I'll clean the freaking toilets. I just want to go home at 5pm and be with my child. I don't care about this place and my "career" anymore. The more you care, the more you are just shot down. I've been here 5 years and I have learned that much.

STELLA is my career. Whatever happens here can irritate me (because it's just not fair) and then it's gone. I have to let it go. Nothing is going to change. As long as I am in an administrative role and I am good at my job, I am going to get shit on. Because no one wants to deal with the admins who are BAD at their job, now do they? They just let them sit there and get paid as much as me, and in most cases, MORE than me....yet I'm doing all the work.

Shoot, maybe if they give me all the work and I do a BAD job at it, I'll get a promotion!!!! That seems to be a recurring situation here too.

I'm going to stop talking about this because it's making me miss my daughter even more - as if that's possible.