My Dad met Floyd in 1973 when they both were working for Worsham Sprinkler Company - both right out of college. My Mom and Dad were already married at that time. Floyd had started dating Diane and they dated for years before they got married. So, the 2 couples became friends and spent a lot of time together. I was born in '76 and my brother was born in '78. Floyd and Diane (Dee) had Blake in '81 and then Sarah in '87... Our families were raised together and most of my childhood memories involve The Ellett family.
When Matt and I were little, my Dad played softball on a team that was mostly made up of Floyd and Dee's extended family and this is where I got to really be friends with Linda and Christy - Diane's twin neices that are 2 years older than me. They all called Floyd "Junie." I don't know the real story behind that; but I remember being so young that I couldn't say "Junie" and it came out "Dewey." So Matt and I called Floyd "Uncle Dewey" for a long long time - until I got to the age where I was embarassed and I started to call him "Junie" so I could be cool like Linda and Christy.
When I was in 8th grade, my family visited New Hanover Presbyterian Church where the Elletts went. We were instantly treated like family by the entire congregation. From then on, we were very involved in the church and it became our second home. Mom and Dad were on a million committees. Matt and I were in all the youth groups and activities. The Elletts were a constant fixture at New Hanover as well. I consider those years at New Hanover very special. I graduated from high school in 1994. I remember that I was so stoic on my last Sunday at church before I went away to NC. I was determined not to cry- and I didn't. Until Dee Ellett gave me a hug after church and I broke down into a million pieces. She still makes me do that! She can just say hello, and I want to cry. She's so graceful, gracious, caring and loving. The most genuine person I have ever known.
Another VIVID New Hanover memory is the annual talent show (Floyd and Blake doing the "Olympic Skit" and also their "Laurel and Hardy" bits...) But it's hard to come up with specific Ellett/New Hanover memories because they were always there. Always.
Our families were always together whether it was softball games, church activities, family birthdays and events, etc... Dee took me to see the band Nelson play softball against the Q94 DJs at a radio event; because my Mom had a conflict. She was so cool.
Soon after I went away to college, my parents hit a breaking point with New Hanover. They were burnt out. They over-extended themselves and became slightly bitter. And they decided to visit other churches. We saw the Elletts; but not nearly as much. But they were always in our lives.
Fast forward to October 2004. Floyd had developed some sort of cyst on his back; and he put off going to the Dr. (like most men do.) One day, he leaned up against a door and moved back and forth to scratch his back, thus opening the cyst by accident. This is the moment where his long, painful journey began.
From that cyst, he contracted a rare bacterial infection called Necrotizing Fasciitis (http://www.nnff.org) (A.K.A. flesh eating bacteria) He was in intensive care for 3 months and endured several surgeries to remove the bacteria that was spreading throughout his body. Due to his large size, it never reached his organs; but it still reaked havoc on his body. But he made it through several "close calls." He was eventually moved to Retreat Hospital for rehab and physical therapy, but he was still hooked up to the trach and had a feeding tube for awhile... He won the battle with the ventilator. :) He didn't need that anymore.
He was doing well and getting better. He got to where he was sitting up in a chair. Dee was with him EVERY DAY. The rest of the family rotated visits but the waiting room at Henrico Doctors and Retreat were always filled with Ellett family and friends. Floyd was fighting hard - and this went on for 6 months with one-day-good, next-day-bad. A roller coaster of emotions.
On March 17, Christy sent me an e-mail telling me that they were moving Floyd to Sheltering Arms in Mechanicsville. We were excited because that meant one step closer to home! And it would be awfully convenient for Dee since they live right down the road. I forwarded the e-mail to Mom, and her and Dad went to visit him that night. When I asked how the visit was, Mom didn't seem too happy. She said he didn't look very good and was shivering. It was the first time they went to visit him where he didn't extend his hand. He was under a blanket. He told Mom the trip to the hospital was "rough."
On March 18, Christy sent me another message saying that she had seen Floyd that night too (after my parents left) and that he was aggitated and uncomfortable and told them all to leave so he could just go to sleep. Honestly, I didn't think much of it because that scene had played out a million times in the past 6 months.
On March 20, Mom called me at home and she was crying. She said Christy had just called her to tell her that he was at the end. So I hauled butt to Mom and Dad's from Midlothian and we got to the hospital just as all the family were leaving. He had died about an hour before. According to Tommy (the minister of New Hanover who did Floyd's funeral and also one of Floyd's best friends) Floyd was 100% conscious and played a large part in the decision NOT to hook him back up to the trach and feeding tube. He body was so tired. He was exhausted and had fought so hard...It was time to go.
The viewing was on the 22nd and when Toby and I got to the funeral home, the line of people waiting to get in was wrapped around the building. I never did get a chance to speak to Dee; as she had to greet all of those people. Floyd was so amazing and was so loved. He touched SO MANY lives. It was a sad, but awesome sight to see.
The funeral was wonderful; if you can say that about a funeral. Tommy did an amazing job and spoke so eloquently of his friend. He almost lost it twice; but gathered himself quickly. If I was him, there would have been no turning back!! He spoke of that morning he spent with Floyd before he died... and it was incredibly comforting to hear the story of what happened. That Floyd was scared, but looking forward to seeing the Lord. He was at peace. And he helped Diane make that awful decision to not hook him up to life support anymore.
He died on Palm Sunday; and it was the warmest and sunniest day we have had since last summer.
The family is doing well. I keep having different memories pop in my head at weird times and I want to cry. I wish I had seen him more in the last few years when he was well. I saw him at Linda's wedding last October...
I still don't quite understand why Floyd was kept alive for so long. Why did he survive such a rare and fatal infection; only to spend 6 months recovering from it and then die. We'll probably never know. But I know a couple positive things that came out of this on a personal level.
1. I want to spend more time with the Elletts.
2. I want to go back to New Hanover.
And I will do both of these things. For Uncle Dewey.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Lesson Learned
My boss's father died this past weekend and my boss (Tom) is out of town this week for the funeral so I'm here alone procrastinating. I have lots I can do but I'm not in the mood. How's that for productivity??!! Tom just sent me an e-mail that could have made me cry if I was not at work surrounded by others. He said "You know, Steph, no matter how old they get, you think they are bullet proof and it will never happen to them." I don't think he Dad was sick - I don't know any details about his death - so I am guessing this was not expected. Lots of prayers for Tom.
On the work front, it's going ok. But I'm not 100% happy and I don't know why exactly. I think it's because my job has kind of morphed into something not as fun. How's that for an explanation! Ho Hum. I'm just BLAH. I keep checking the job posting board for other opportunities - I think I need a change and a CHALLENGE - but unless you are a scientist, you are out of luck at PM lately.... I'll keep on truckin and see what happens. But I'm always on the look-out.
Married life gets better and better. It's like little tests and obstacles all the time...especially in this NEW phase - since things come up that we have yet to deal with before - and we have to figure out what works. And sometimes that results in a "tiff" until we work through...and sometimes it's a piece of cake. It's exciting. And I love living with him - and having him to come home to every day after work.
We DID have an incident this past Friday that will hopefully never happen again. I went home sick on Friday - I just felt really achey and exhausted. I got home around 3pm and laid on the couch and waited for my husband. And waited. And waited. And called his cell phone at 6:30pm (he usually gets home around 5pm.) And waited. And waited. And cried....
Finally at EIGHT PM, he comes in the house. I ask "Where have you been?" He said "At the shop." I am visably upset and he says "Are you mad?"
Well, I said (calmly) "I'm not mad, I'm upset. You could have atleast called and told me where you were or told me go ahead and eat dinner. I've been waiting for you and frankly, I've been a little worried."
Well, he went to the back of the house and I heated up some macaroni since it was now obvious we would not be doing dinner together....and in a few minutes I hear the lovely sound of YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK TOO MUCH.
G.R.O.S.S.
Needless to say, I slept in the guestroom that night. We had a chat in the morning and he apologized for being a "sorry excuse for a husband" that night and I didn't rub it in too much because I KNOW he had suffered enough and had paid for his crime. I did tell him that we need to be more respectful of each other and even if he wanted to hang out with the guys at the shop and drink beer after work, atleast call me. I will NEVER tell him he can't do something or go somewhere; but atleast let me know where you are. And I promised to do the same.
We have some couple friends who have this issue a lot...where the husband goes out and just doesn't bother to call and the wife sits home and waits and worries...and I reminded Toby that I will NOT be "that wife." EVER. And I know he doesn't want me to be either. He just had a lapse in judgement. This married stuff IS still new.....
It was a great lesson learned for us both. And I wasn't even the one who had to have the hang over to learn something!
THANK GOD.
On the work front, it's going ok. But I'm not 100% happy and I don't know why exactly. I think it's because my job has kind of morphed into something not as fun. How's that for an explanation! Ho Hum. I'm just BLAH. I keep checking the job posting board for other opportunities - I think I need a change and a CHALLENGE - but unless you are a scientist, you are out of luck at PM lately.... I'll keep on truckin and see what happens. But I'm always on the look-out.
Married life gets better and better. It's like little tests and obstacles all the time...especially in this NEW phase - since things come up that we have yet to deal with before - and we have to figure out what works. And sometimes that results in a "tiff" until we work through...and sometimes it's a piece of cake. It's exciting. And I love living with him - and having him to come home to every day after work.
We DID have an incident this past Friday that will hopefully never happen again. I went home sick on Friday - I just felt really achey and exhausted. I got home around 3pm and laid on the couch and waited for my husband. And waited. And waited. And called his cell phone at 6:30pm (he usually gets home around 5pm.) And waited. And waited. And cried....
Finally at EIGHT PM, he comes in the house. I ask "Where have you been?" He said "At the shop." I am visably upset and he says "Are you mad?"
Well, I said (calmly) "I'm not mad, I'm upset. You could have atleast called and told me where you were or told me go ahead and eat dinner. I've been waiting for you and frankly, I've been a little worried."
Well, he went to the back of the house and I heated up some macaroni since it was now obvious we would not be doing dinner together....and in a few minutes I hear the lovely sound of YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK TOO MUCH.
G.R.O.S.S.
Needless to say, I slept in the guestroom that night. We had a chat in the morning and he apologized for being a "sorry excuse for a husband" that night and I didn't rub it in too much because I KNOW he had suffered enough and had paid for his crime. I did tell him that we need to be more respectful of each other and even if he wanted to hang out with the guys at the shop and drink beer after work, atleast call me. I will NEVER tell him he can't do something or go somewhere; but atleast let me know where you are. And I promised to do the same.
We have some couple friends who have this issue a lot...where the husband goes out and just doesn't bother to call and the wife sits home and waits and worries...and I reminded Toby that I will NOT be "that wife." EVER. And I know he doesn't want me to be either. He just had a lapse in judgement. This married stuff IS still new.....
It was a great lesson learned for us both. And I wasn't even the one who had to have the hang over to learn something!
THANK GOD.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
It's MCS time!
I'm leaving in an hour to hit the road to DC to go see Motion City tonight at the 9:30 Club. I'm excited!! I'll be home after the show - probably around 2am - but I still feel like I am going to miss Toby. CRAZY! :) I guess that's a good sign. I wish he could go but he can't EVER take off of work or the earth will explode. According to his bosses.
We did book our honeymoon yesterday!! We are going to Gatlinburg, TN in May for 3 nights. We got a deal at a Westgate Resort - we were referred by someone who owns a timeshare there. So in return for sitting through a 90 minute tour on the last day, we get a one bedroom resort CABIN with a fireplace and jacuzzi tub for.....you aren't going to believe it....$149 TOTAL.
Not per night. TOTAL!!
The tour will be worth it. I'll just tell them upfront that I am not the least bit interested in buying anything. And I'll stick to my guns. I know Toby will have NO problem sticking to HIS guns.
So now we have plenty of wedding money left over to DO STUFF like have nice meals out, do some shopping at the outlets, go to see a show, etc... And some left over to do stuff for the house. I've been feeling the urge to use wedding money for practical stuff but I KNOW that going away for a honeymoon is important and we NEED it...so this way, we can do both.
Married life is really really nice. It's so comforting to have someone to come home too. I'm working my new crockpot to death!! Trying lots of new recipies (all Weight Watcher ones, of course.) I've lost my pretty fingernails to dish water, but that's ok. :) I'm obsessive about not having dirty dishes hanging around so even when Toby says "I'll do the dishes later" I end up doing them because I DEFINITELY can't sleep if the sink is full. I'm insane.
That is one thing that is different between me and Toby - it doesn't bother him to have random stuff lying around...or having scraps of paper floating around...or leaving his Movie Time card on the bar for the past week and a half. (deep breath.) I'm trying REALLY hard and I'm doing well. It is annoying to me...but I have to realize that I can't just walk around picking his stuff up and putting it places (even though I want to BAD.) I'll make comments like "Do you mind doing something with this?" Sometimes that works; but usually I'll get a "sure" and then he'll go back to doing what he was doing.... My #1 goal right now is to get him to go through the huge storage tub that is full of his junk and is taking up the entire floor space in the back "hang out" room... I'll let you know when something happens with that.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to seeing my brother tonight. And seeing all the girls scream when he walks on the stage. IT'S JUST SO COOL!!
We did book our honeymoon yesterday!! We are going to Gatlinburg, TN in May for 3 nights. We got a deal at a Westgate Resort - we were referred by someone who owns a timeshare there. So in return for sitting through a 90 minute tour on the last day, we get a one bedroom resort CABIN with a fireplace and jacuzzi tub for.....you aren't going to believe it....$149 TOTAL.
Not per night. TOTAL!!
The tour will be worth it. I'll just tell them upfront that I am not the least bit interested in buying anything. And I'll stick to my guns. I know Toby will have NO problem sticking to HIS guns.
So now we have plenty of wedding money left over to DO STUFF like have nice meals out, do some shopping at the outlets, go to see a show, etc... And some left over to do stuff for the house. I've been feeling the urge to use wedding money for practical stuff but I KNOW that going away for a honeymoon is important and we NEED it...so this way, we can do both.
Married life is really really nice. It's so comforting to have someone to come home too. I'm working my new crockpot to death!! Trying lots of new recipies (all Weight Watcher ones, of course.) I've lost my pretty fingernails to dish water, but that's ok. :) I'm obsessive about not having dirty dishes hanging around so even when Toby says "I'll do the dishes later" I end up doing them because I DEFINITELY can't sleep if the sink is full. I'm insane.
That is one thing that is different between me and Toby - it doesn't bother him to have random stuff lying around...or having scraps of paper floating around...or leaving his Movie Time card on the bar for the past week and a half. (deep breath.) I'm trying REALLY hard and I'm doing well. It is annoying to me...but I have to realize that I can't just walk around picking his stuff up and putting it places (even though I want to BAD.) I'll make comments like "Do you mind doing something with this?" Sometimes that works; but usually I'll get a "sure" and then he'll go back to doing what he was doing.... My #1 goal right now is to get him to go through the huge storage tub that is full of his junk and is taking up the entire floor space in the back "hang out" room... I'll let you know when something happens with that.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to seeing my brother tonight. And seeing all the girls scream when he walks on the stage. IT'S JUST SO COOL!!
Monday, February 28, 2005
A Wedding Story
I know that people say that no wedding is perfect…but, I feel like I can truly say that my wedding was perfect. The process getting there was not perfect; but it was not totally awful either. The actual Wedding was amazing.
I worked Monday-Wednesday during that week and it was hard!! I just wanted to be off, doing wedding stuff! But I had been organizing and planning for so long, by the time this week rolled around, I had made all my phone calls, filled out all of my charts and spreadsheets, and I was sitting at work with nothing to do!! It was torture. My friends at work (my fellow admins) bought me a Congratulations balloon and got me a card and said they would miss me next week. And I was off!!
Wednesday night Toby and I went to Wine and More and bought all of the alcohol. I bought the wine and champagne and Toby bought the beer. Who knew that kegs weigh 256,478,239 pounds! If Toby’s back wasn’t already hurting, it certainly was after loading the truck! But it was DONE. We then went to Red Robin and ate hamburgers (I had a healthy turkey burger- like that was going to undo the 3 weeks of horrendous wedding stress eating I had done…) It was at this dinner that Toby told me he was going to have to work on Valentine’s Day and then do a side job that night so my dreams of cooking him our first married dinner were dashed. In addition to that, he was going to be working late ALL WEEK. I was upset and didn’t really talk the rest of the meal because my jaw was doing that hurting thing when you are about to cry and I was afraid if I said anything I would just bust out in tears…so I didn’t. I just needed time to digest the fact that I was going to spend most of my first married week alone. But no worries, it ended up being fine. :)
Thursday was errand day. I went to the flower place early in the morning to pick up my cake topper/throw-away bouquet to take to the reception hall since I was going there anyway that day. On my way home, my cell phone rang and it was the cake place. The lady said that she wanted to know what time on Saturday they could bring the cake and they wanted to bring it at 9am or as early as possible so [and I quote] “they can get started with their weekend.” Ummmm. Huh? Are you not a bakery? That does weddings? That are typically on Saturdays? Why are you acting like this is an inconvenience? My reception isn’t until 8pm! I don’t want a cake sitting there for 11 hours!! I told her I’d call her back.
Kristen came over and we loaded up her car with reception decorations and favors and I drove the truck full of alcohol to the Columbian Community Center. Deborah, with Incredible Edibles, told me that she had talked with the Center and that I could bring all of my stuff to the Center on THURSDAY and they would store it for me in preparation for Saturday. Less to deal with on Wedding Day! Sweet!!
So we get to the Center and this guy Tommy (I had never talked to him before, I had only been dealing with Deb) greeted us at the door and when I told him why I was there, he said “Oh no. You can’t leave anything here today.” (Remember: I have $400 worth of keg beer in the truck that can not get hot.) We go back and forth for a second because this is truly not my mistake. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I am an event planner. I used to work in the catering industry. I plan meetings and events for my current job. I made TIMELINE SPREADSHEETS for my BRIDAL PARTY for Pete’s sake. I did not make a mistake. THEY did. There was obvious miscommunication somewhere on their end. Which is fine. It happens. Just fix it.
So, after trying to make me feel guilty (which did not work) he decided that I could leave my stuff. We unloaded everything into a closet…and kegs into a walk-in cooler. Tommy proceeded to get on my last nerve by telling me things I already knew about the event business (he had been in this job for ONE WEEK)…and trying to make it sound like he was bending over backwards for me, when I know it’s part of his job. He kept making comments like “We have a middle school dance going on here Friday night so I’ll be here by myself until 2 am putting up the tables for YOUR reception on Saturday.” I don’t care! What do you want me to say, Tommy? “Oh! Don’t worry about putting up my tables. Go home and get some sleep!” I’m only paying a huge amount of money to have my event at this location. Or maybe he wanted me to throw myself on the ground in front of him and kiss his feet. What I wanted to scream was SHUT THE HECK UP!!!
Tommy was about to send me over the edge with his never-ending comments so I decided to get on my cell phone and call the cake place back. I told them I was not comfortable with my cake just sitting there for 10+ hours. They told me that they do this all the time and that there was nothing to worry about. I told them to go ahead but if I got to my reception at 8pm and the cake was on the floor, I would be HIGHLY upset. Geez.
Tommy then tells me that the catering company, Incredible Edibles, will not arrive to the Columbian Center with the food or the linens for the tables until 6pm on Saturday to prepare for my 8pm reception. Thus I could not decorate the tables any earlier than that. WELL, since I have to be at the church at 5pm on Saturday for MY CEREMONY, I will not be able to be in 2 places at once. I was trying to explain this to Tommy when he kept interrupting me or not looking at me or he’d change the subject. I finally slammed my pen down and said I was leaving. I will not waste my time talking to a brick wall. I would get in touch with Deb (the caterer) on Friday to discuss this linen/decorations issue.
My Mom, Kristen, and I then go to Short Pump Towne Center for some lunch and some pampering at Avalon Spa. We ate lunch at California Pizza Kitchen where I tried to be calm but was all worked up over TOMMY and the cake and the reception. They were nice enough to let me vent…and I sort of got it out of my system. Then we went for manicures and pedicures which were AWESOME. I love French manicure on my toes! Even though my wedding shoes are close-toed… Atleast I know it’s there.
I went home after all that and tried to relax for awhile but it wasn’t happening. I finished up some packing (Remember I am MOVING during all this too!) and watched some stupid reality shows on MTV….
My best friend (and Maid of Honor) Cece had flown in from Hollywood, CA that day and she was taking me and another friend, Cyndy, to dinner. She picked me up at 7pm and we met Cyndy at Pomegranate on Cary Street in Shockoe Slip. Yum. Yum. Yum. It was such a nice, low-key dinner. JUST what I needed after a sort of stressful day.
On Friday, the day started with a call from the florist telling me that their wholesaler shorted them on the Gerber Daisies and that they did not have any for the corsages. Nice. I just told them to “do whatever.” I’m over it at this point….
Most of Friday was spent stalking the caterer. Literally. I called her and left messages. I wanted to pick up the linens myself and put them on the tables myself, so that I could go ahead and decorate how I wanted to on Saturday morning. My centerpieces were not complicated but it was not just one flower arrangement; there were particular things I wanted arranged on the tables… It would just be easier to do it myself. But, I could not get anyone to return my calls. Mom and I went to Ruby Tuesdays for lunch and I sat at the table with my cell phone and my wedding binder in front of me. I felt like I was at a business lunch. As a last resort, I called my friend TOMMY at the Columbian Community Center and told him I could not get in touch with Deb and had been trying all day. He gave me directions to their top secret location – which was in the process of being renovated since they just bought it. It’s an old Indian food restaurant downtown. Mom was my sidekick all day and we rolled up into that place like we owned it. A frazzled looking guy in an apron answered the door and I told him that I needed linens for the reception on Saturday. He called Deb (Funny how HE got an answer) and handed me the phone. She was out of town on a church trip and would not be at my reception – her banquet manager would. Nice. Whatever. She told me where the linens were and I loaded them in the truck and felt like a million bucks. Problem solved. End of drama.
I then got home and quickly showered and got ready for the rehearsal and dinner. This was the first time I got REALLY, REALLY nervous. I rode with Matt and Kristen to the church and felt like I was going to puke at any second. On the ride, we listened to some of the songs that will be on the new MCS CD in June – and they were awesome. But I need to hear them again when I am not on the verge of throw-up. I had MAJOR butterflies.
We got to the church and most everyone was already there. It was such a cool experience. Lynn, the church’s wedding coordinator, was amazing and Toby and I really like the Pastor there. We ran through the ceremony and everyone had a good time. No one cried – which I was glad! I didn’t want to get started myself!
After rehearsing, we all went to the Capital Ale House downtown for the dinner. We had an entire room to ourselves and it was just perfect. Toby and I sat at a table with Mom and Dad, Ramos and Kelly, Heath and Julie, and Mimi and Nanny. It was so cool to watch my grandmas laughing and chatting with my friends…Everyone had a great time eating (the food was awesome!) and trying new beers. Toby and I handed out our gifts that we got for everyone – and I heard Mom cried but I didn’t see. What a great night!
Cece drove me home and she asked me if there was anything I wanted to do…go to a club, go have a drink, etc. I said “The only thing I want to do is go to Wal-Mart, buy the latest issues of In Touch, People, Life and Style, and US Weekly, and lay in my bed and read them all!” So that’s what I did! A perfect wedding eve!
I woke up pretty early on Saturday. My parents, Kristen, my aunt Sunah and I all went to the Columbian Center and rolled up our sleeves and got started! Of course when we got there, the cake was already there. Grrrr. Anyway.
My aunt Sunah put the linens on the tables and Kristen followed her with the decorations - conversation hearts, rose petals, the center candle holder, and the votives. Beautiful.
My Dad set up the television and dvd player in the lobby – so that we could continuously play the DVD of our baby pictures…
TOMMY was flitting around “cleaning” but wasn’t really putting a lot of effort into it so Sunah asked if she could do some vacuuming for him (she’s one of those crazy people that LIKES to clean) and my Mom asked him if he would be offended if she cleaned the glass on the front doors! So Mom pulled out the Windex that SHE BROUGHT and shined them up. We got the place looking sharp! I felt so great and confident when we left there. Like I could totally relax about the reception.
I left there and checked into our room at the Embassy Suites. I ran into college friends in the lobby!!!! Courtney and Kim and their men. They got me all excited. I went up to my room and showered and did my make up and ordered a pizza and watched the Real World (notice a pattern here?) Cece got there around 1pm to keep me company. My parents then picked me up at 2:30 to take me to Carytown for my hair appt. Right before they got there, I got those pukey butterflies again! The entire time I was getting my hair done, I just wanted to throw up….my usual hairdresser, David, was there (He doesn’t do up-do’s so someone else did my wedding hair.) David ran across the street and bought me ginger ale and crackers. HE IS SO SWEET. My hair was beautiful – but more on that later.
We had an hour to kill before we went to the church, so Mom, Dad, and I went to Arby’s so they could grab something quick to eat. As I sat with my wedding hair and my veil in Arby’s, I was looking at my reflection in a window, and decided that from the front I looked like Princess Lea. From the back, my ‘do was gorgeous. But he didn’t do it high enough on my head, so from the front all you could see were 2 curls on either side of my head. Princess Lea. I started getting a tad upset about this; my parents were trying to convince me that I did not look like Star Wars. I just kept taking deep breaths and decided to “move on.” I had a ceremony to get through!
I got to the church and Lynn (affectionately termed the “wedding nazi” by the groomsmen) shuffled me through the hallways to the Parlor – so I didn’t have a Toby run-in. Me and the girls chilled in the parlor for awhile…some guests were coming in and out to say hello…Cece and Ashley frantically tried to reposition the curls on the back of my head so they did not make me look like you-know-who anymore, and it helped but didn’t quite solve the problem. I tried to forget about it…. The photographer took the guys outside for pictures (can’t wait to see those!) and then came to get me. We had a bridal portrait session in the sanctuary (gorgeous backdrop) and then me and the bridesmaids had shots taken together in the Parlor. It was fun and there was a lot of laughter. I was not nervous at all anymore. Those butterflies were gone. At that point, I was just READY.
Lynn gathered the parents and grandparents first and had them seated….then my bridesmaids went out….and my Dad and I had some alone time in the Parlor before Lynn allowed us to come out! It was nice. We just chatted. Then Lynn came bounding down the hallway and said “IT’S TIME!!!” I could hear the bagpipes (which were only played for me during the processional) and my heart was racing – in a good way. The photographer got a picture of me and Dad and then the doors opened and we were on our way down the aisle. It’s so surreal looking back… I was smiling and looking at the crowd. I remember seeing Leslie Harris…..and Troy….and that’s it!!!!!!!!! (Even though there were 300 people there!) I got to the end and I would ALMOST say Toby was tearing up…. And I was shocked that I wasn’t a blubbering idiot, but I was LOVING IT. I was taking it all in.
The ceremony was perfect. It seemed really quick – which I liked! The pastor was fantastic and I can’t wait to get the video to replay what he said – I remember liking it! I remember repeating the vows after him, and putting the ring on Toby’s finger…I remember looking up once and making eye contact with my brother. The recessional was very quick and we were ushered off into a side room to let the crowd leave for the reception. We went back into the sanctuary for pictures which went smoothly. But my feet were HURTING. I hope the pictures are decent.
After pictures, we were out in the lobby area of the church, about to get into the Towncar, when Toby’s sister said “I shouldn’t tell you this but my Dad told me that you reminded him of someone.” I was like “Who?” I was thinking one of Toby’s ex girlfriends or someone which I don’t care about…. She said “He said you looked like Princess Lea.”
Great. THANKS KIM! I still have a reception to get through! (haha)
ANYWAY.
The car ride to the reception was LLLLOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG. The dude didn’t take the interstate which would have cut off at least 10 minutes. I was ready to party!! When we got to the Columbian Center, we had to wait in the lobby so that the bridal party could be introduced. I remember looking into the huge room and thinking it looked so good with the candles and the dim light – much better than that morning when we were vacuuming and windexing.
JJ, a great family friend and my DJ, announced the bridal party with his professional radio voice and it was perfect. I remember “waiting in line” to be announced and saying THIS IS SO FUN! Toby and I were announced to the “whoa whoa ooh ooh whoa whoa whoa” beginning of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.” It was PERFECT. We then went right into our first dance which was sung by Erica, JJ’s wife. She did an awesome job on “Valentine” by Martina McBride. It was really nice to have a “live” first dance. Toby and I talked a little and scanned the crowd as we turned in circles. I really was very conscious to take in the moment.
Then came the Father/Daughter Dance. The moment I had been dreading – ONLY because I thought I would be a sobbing mess. JJ introduced the song something like this: “Now we have a special song that was sung by someone you all know. The bride. When she was very very young.” I remember hearing the crowd gasp! And he started playing it and the crowd “awwwwwed” and we started dancing. My parents recorded me singing “I know I’ll never love this way again” by Dionne Warwick when I was 3 years old. When I say sing, I mean SING. The whole song. And it’s not in baby language. I knew every word!! JJ “beefed” it up for me with his powerful DJ equipment and this is what I used for my Father/Daughter dance. And it was FANTASTIC. It was touching and funny. The crowd was crying and laughing at the same time. My dad just kept saying “This is so cool.” And it was.
Toby then danced with his Mom and I started mingling for a second until JJ called all the Lees-McRae College girls up to the dance floor! Once we got up there, we told JJ that he could tell Denny and Donnie to come too. They are our girls, afterall. We did a slow sway to James Taylor “Carolina on my Mind” and I made my way around the circle – giving each person a hug…and I can’t believe Stacy Coggins came!! Seeing her there was such an awesome shock. In some way, these people will be in my life forever - no matter what distance is between us or how much time goes by in between visits… I loved doing this special “event” with them.
…and this is where it goes into a time warp. I remember talking to so many people. I met Mel Dailey’s adorable daughter Lauren, who was excited because this was her first wedding. I talked with PMUSA people and got pictures with them. I saw Steve Miller and Eric. And finally met Tony’s girlfriend Michelle! I made a million trips to the champagne fountain since I kept setting my drinks down and losing them after a sip. I danced the Electric Slide and the Cha Cha Slide beside my Mom – who had been practicing all week. I danced a slow dance with my 5 year old cousin, Jacob – who was holding on for dear life! The fast dance music started and I remember being pulled into the middle of a circle by my cousin Jenn’s husband Bill – and he held my hands and we danced up a storm. He’s good! I remember standing with the LMC girls, getting ready for someone to take our picture, when Lisa yelled “HURRY UP! HOT IN HERRE IS ON!” and then we all went running on the floor. Donnie came out and danced with me and we made each other laugh with the words we knew. I remember hearing the beginning of “This is how we do it” and yelling at Courtney DeTemple – “this is for you!”
Incase you didn’t notice, the Princess Lea issue was GONE!!!!!
Next came the toasts and the cake cutting. They pulled up 2 chairs for us by the cake. First toast was given by my best friend Cece – and she was shaking so bad!! Which is funny because she does a weekly stand-up comedy show in Hollywood! She’s not a stranger to public speaking! She was so cute though. She told the story of when we met in 5th grade – and how when I told her I was engaged, all she could think of was a picture I drew of my wedding when we were young. I was the bride and Bret Michaels from Poison was the groom. (Crowd dies laughing.) And that Cece was my Maid of Honor and CC Deville, guitar player of Poison, was the Best Man – and Cece’s boyfriend. She also pointed out that in that picture we both had the “doorknob bangs.” She then went on to say incredibly sweet and touching things about me and about our friendship and about me and Toby as a couple….. and I didn’t cry again. I’ll probably boo-hoo cry at the video. Her toast was AWESOME.
Next was Toby’s Dad. He does not strike me as a public speaker but damn, he was also amazing. He talked about how Toby used to come up to him and say “Look, Dad, I’m almost at your waist!” THIS got Toby crying – which is not something that happens often so it was incredibly touching. He went on to say how proud he was of Toby and of us…It was so nice.
And then the music comes on… “Pour some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard. It’s cake cutting time!!! We cut the cake and posed for pictures….and then it was back to mingling. I remember talking to Steve and Stacie Lutton in the lobby. I remember the husband of one of my Mom’s co-workers coming up to give me a hug and saying “I just have to give the most beautiful girl in the room a hug.” I remember talking to some of Toby’s Dad’s friends….I remember getting a glass of champagne because I lost my other glass…AGAIN.
Then it was bouquet time. (Music: “Hey Ladies” by the Beastie Boys) JJ says “All the single girls onto the dance floor!” I turn around and my good friend Denny (who is not TECHNICALLY a girl) is running to the floor. I’m dying laughing and JJ says over the loud speaker “And here comes Denny…and he has a definite height advantage!” Hilarious.
I throw the bouquet and it goes STRAIGHT to Kelly – groomsman Jason Ramos’ girlfriend. Everyone makes fun of Ramos…. And now it’s garter time. (Music: “Real Good Man” by Tim McGraw) Toby takes the garter off me (embarrassing) and then throws it to the men behind him and NO LIE – it richochets off the disco ball and goes RIGHT into Ramos’ hand!! No way! Now Ramos has to put the garter on his girlfriend’s leg and it could not have gone better if we planned it!
And now I have no more responsibilities so I am OUT ON THE FLOOR!
I remember dancing to “Hey Ya” and looking up and seeing my cousin Preston dancing with us. I remember SCREAMING “Baby got back” with the LMC girls. I remember Lisa, Najshula, and Donnie conjuring up old LMC Clogging routines to “Cotton Eyed Joe” and the rest of us standing around clapping and YEEEE-HAWing. I remember dancing with Cece, her neice Jordan, and Carol Bock to AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long.” I remember embarrassing my brother, Matt, by playing one of his band’s songs “Future Freaks Me Out” and all my aunts dancing to it and singing every word and Kristen singing it to Matt as he tried to eat cake and ignore her. I remember making Jason Creekmore, Toby’s cousin, dance with me to “Ocean Front Property.” I remember Jason helping his Mom, Jill, out to the car and she was very “happy” because of the wine.
So many other little “blips” in memory… It’s hard to explain!! I do regret that I never even LOOKED at the dessert spread or at the bar… I hope the photographer took pictures….
I remember JJ announcing our last dance “Closing Time” by Semisonic and I remember dancing with Toby and talking a little about the night.
I remember everyone outside lining the sidewalk with their sparklers and us running down the middle to the car. I remember the photographer leaning into the car to take a picture. I remember the LMC girls yelling “It’s getting hot in herre! So take off all your clothes!” before the car door shut. I remember them yelling and running after the car as we took off.
We got back to the Embassy Suites with a basket of desserts the catering people had put together for us. David and Steve had somehow gotten into the room and left a very nice bottle of champagne on ice by the bed. And Cece had also decorated the room – there was a huge heart made out of rose petals on the bed, rose petals on the floor, and an arrow made out of Hershey kisses pointing to the fridge where there was another bottle of champagne. Oh, and I can’t forget the long stem roses in vase. She’s an amazing friend who did TOO MUCH!!
The next morning we met all of our hotel guests downstairs in the atrium for an awesome breakfast. It was also a little “party” for my great aunt and uncle who were celebrating their 51st anniversary that day! What a great way to start OUR marriage.
One of my favorite quotes from the whole event was said by my cousin Jenn’s 4 year old son, Jacob. My Nanny told me that the day after the wedding, he told Jenn,
“I had such a great time at that party last night. And the princess was so pretty!”
Seems like the perfect way to end this story… but actually, this is just the beginning!!
I worked Monday-Wednesday during that week and it was hard!! I just wanted to be off, doing wedding stuff! But I had been organizing and planning for so long, by the time this week rolled around, I had made all my phone calls, filled out all of my charts and spreadsheets, and I was sitting at work with nothing to do!! It was torture. My friends at work (my fellow admins) bought me a Congratulations balloon and got me a card and said they would miss me next week. And I was off!!
Wednesday night Toby and I went to Wine and More and bought all of the alcohol. I bought the wine and champagne and Toby bought the beer. Who knew that kegs weigh 256,478,239 pounds! If Toby’s back wasn’t already hurting, it certainly was after loading the truck! But it was DONE. We then went to Red Robin and ate hamburgers (I had a healthy turkey burger- like that was going to undo the 3 weeks of horrendous wedding stress eating I had done…) It was at this dinner that Toby told me he was going to have to work on Valentine’s Day and then do a side job that night so my dreams of cooking him our first married dinner were dashed. In addition to that, he was going to be working late ALL WEEK. I was upset and didn’t really talk the rest of the meal because my jaw was doing that hurting thing when you are about to cry and I was afraid if I said anything I would just bust out in tears…so I didn’t. I just needed time to digest the fact that I was going to spend most of my first married week alone. But no worries, it ended up being fine. :)
Thursday was errand day. I went to the flower place early in the morning to pick up my cake topper/throw-away bouquet to take to the reception hall since I was going there anyway that day. On my way home, my cell phone rang and it was the cake place. The lady said that she wanted to know what time on Saturday they could bring the cake and they wanted to bring it at 9am or as early as possible so [and I quote] “they can get started with their weekend.” Ummmm. Huh? Are you not a bakery? That does weddings? That are typically on Saturdays? Why are you acting like this is an inconvenience? My reception isn’t until 8pm! I don’t want a cake sitting there for 11 hours!! I told her I’d call her back.
Kristen came over and we loaded up her car with reception decorations and favors and I drove the truck full of alcohol to the Columbian Community Center. Deborah, with Incredible Edibles, told me that she had talked with the Center and that I could bring all of my stuff to the Center on THURSDAY and they would store it for me in preparation for Saturday. Less to deal with on Wedding Day! Sweet!!
So we get to the Center and this guy Tommy (I had never talked to him before, I had only been dealing with Deb) greeted us at the door and when I told him why I was there, he said “Oh no. You can’t leave anything here today.” (Remember: I have $400 worth of keg beer in the truck that can not get hot.) We go back and forth for a second because this is truly not my mistake. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I am an event planner. I used to work in the catering industry. I plan meetings and events for my current job. I made TIMELINE SPREADSHEETS for my BRIDAL PARTY for Pete’s sake. I did not make a mistake. THEY did. There was obvious miscommunication somewhere on their end. Which is fine. It happens. Just fix it.
So, after trying to make me feel guilty (which did not work) he decided that I could leave my stuff. We unloaded everything into a closet…and kegs into a walk-in cooler. Tommy proceeded to get on my last nerve by telling me things I already knew about the event business (he had been in this job for ONE WEEK)…and trying to make it sound like he was bending over backwards for me, when I know it’s part of his job. He kept making comments like “We have a middle school dance going on here Friday night so I’ll be here by myself until 2 am putting up the tables for YOUR reception on Saturday.” I don’t care! What do you want me to say, Tommy? “Oh! Don’t worry about putting up my tables. Go home and get some sleep!” I’m only paying a huge amount of money to have my event at this location. Or maybe he wanted me to throw myself on the ground in front of him and kiss his feet. What I wanted to scream was SHUT THE HECK UP!!!
Tommy was about to send me over the edge with his never-ending comments so I decided to get on my cell phone and call the cake place back. I told them I was not comfortable with my cake just sitting there for 10+ hours. They told me that they do this all the time and that there was nothing to worry about. I told them to go ahead but if I got to my reception at 8pm and the cake was on the floor, I would be HIGHLY upset. Geez.
Tommy then tells me that the catering company, Incredible Edibles, will not arrive to the Columbian Center with the food or the linens for the tables until 6pm on Saturday to prepare for my 8pm reception. Thus I could not decorate the tables any earlier than that. WELL, since I have to be at the church at 5pm on Saturday for MY CEREMONY, I will not be able to be in 2 places at once. I was trying to explain this to Tommy when he kept interrupting me or not looking at me or he’d change the subject. I finally slammed my pen down and said I was leaving. I will not waste my time talking to a brick wall. I would get in touch with Deb (the caterer) on Friday to discuss this linen/decorations issue.
My Mom, Kristen, and I then go to Short Pump Towne Center for some lunch and some pampering at Avalon Spa. We ate lunch at California Pizza Kitchen where I tried to be calm but was all worked up over TOMMY and the cake and the reception. They were nice enough to let me vent…and I sort of got it out of my system. Then we went for manicures and pedicures which were AWESOME. I love French manicure on my toes! Even though my wedding shoes are close-toed… Atleast I know it’s there.
I went home after all that and tried to relax for awhile but it wasn’t happening. I finished up some packing (Remember I am MOVING during all this too!) and watched some stupid reality shows on MTV….
My best friend (and Maid of Honor) Cece had flown in from Hollywood, CA that day and she was taking me and another friend, Cyndy, to dinner. She picked me up at 7pm and we met Cyndy at Pomegranate on Cary Street in Shockoe Slip. Yum. Yum. Yum. It was such a nice, low-key dinner. JUST what I needed after a sort of stressful day.
On Friday, the day started with a call from the florist telling me that their wholesaler shorted them on the Gerber Daisies and that they did not have any for the corsages. Nice. I just told them to “do whatever.” I’m over it at this point….
Most of Friday was spent stalking the caterer. Literally. I called her and left messages. I wanted to pick up the linens myself and put them on the tables myself, so that I could go ahead and decorate how I wanted to on Saturday morning. My centerpieces were not complicated but it was not just one flower arrangement; there were particular things I wanted arranged on the tables… It would just be easier to do it myself. But, I could not get anyone to return my calls. Mom and I went to Ruby Tuesdays for lunch and I sat at the table with my cell phone and my wedding binder in front of me. I felt like I was at a business lunch. As a last resort, I called my friend TOMMY at the Columbian Community Center and told him I could not get in touch with Deb and had been trying all day. He gave me directions to their top secret location – which was in the process of being renovated since they just bought it. It’s an old Indian food restaurant downtown. Mom was my sidekick all day and we rolled up into that place like we owned it. A frazzled looking guy in an apron answered the door and I told him that I needed linens for the reception on Saturday. He called Deb (Funny how HE got an answer) and handed me the phone. She was out of town on a church trip and would not be at my reception – her banquet manager would. Nice. Whatever. She told me where the linens were and I loaded them in the truck and felt like a million bucks. Problem solved. End of drama.
I then got home and quickly showered and got ready for the rehearsal and dinner. This was the first time I got REALLY, REALLY nervous. I rode with Matt and Kristen to the church and felt like I was going to puke at any second. On the ride, we listened to some of the songs that will be on the new MCS CD in June – and they were awesome. But I need to hear them again when I am not on the verge of throw-up. I had MAJOR butterflies.
We got to the church and most everyone was already there. It was such a cool experience. Lynn, the church’s wedding coordinator, was amazing and Toby and I really like the Pastor there. We ran through the ceremony and everyone had a good time. No one cried – which I was glad! I didn’t want to get started myself!
After rehearsing, we all went to the Capital Ale House downtown for the dinner. We had an entire room to ourselves and it was just perfect. Toby and I sat at a table with Mom and Dad, Ramos and Kelly, Heath and Julie, and Mimi and Nanny. It was so cool to watch my grandmas laughing and chatting with my friends…Everyone had a great time eating (the food was awesome!) and trying new beers. Toby and I handed out our gifts that we got for everyone – and I heard Mom cried but I didn’t see. What a great night!
Cece drove me home and she asked me if there was anything I wanted to do…go to a club, go have a drink, etc. I said “The only thing I want to do is go to Wal-Mart, buy the latest issues of In Touch, People, Life and Style, and US Weekly, and lay in my bed and read them all!” So that’s what I did! A perfect wedding eve!
I woke up pretty early on Saturday. My parents, Kristen, my aunt Sunah and I all went to the Columbian Center and rolled up our sleeves and got started! Of course when we got there, the cake was already there. Grrrr. Anyway.
My aunt Sunah put the linens on the tables and Kristen followed her with the decorations - conversation hearts, rose petals, the center candle holder, and the votives. Beautiful.
My Dad set up the television and dvd player in the lobby – so that we could continuously play the DVD of our baby pictures…
TOMMY was flitting around “cleaning” but wasn’t really putting a lot of effort into it so Sunah asked if she could do some vacuuming for him (she’s one of those crazy people that LIKES to clean) and my Mom asked him if he would be offended if she cleaned the glass on the front doors! So Mom pulled out the Windex that SHE BROUGHT and shined them up. We got the place looking sharp! I felt so great and confident when we left there. Like I could totally relax about the reception.
I left there and checked into our room at the Embassy Suites. I ran into college friends in the lobby!!!! Courtney and Kim and their men. They got me all excited. I went up to my room and showered and did my make up and ordered a pizza and watched the Real World (notice a pattern here?) Cece got there around 1pm to keep me company. My parents then picked me up at 2:30 to take me to Carytown for my hair appt. Right before they got there, I got those pukey butterflies again! The entire time I was getting my hair done, I just wanted to throw up….my usual hairdresser, David, was there (He doesn’t do up-do’s so someone else did my wedding hair.) David ran across the street and bought me ginger ale and crackers. HE IS SO SWEET. My hair was beautiful – but more on that later.
We had an hour to kill before we went to the church, so Mom, Dad, and I went to Arby’s so they could grab something quick to eat. As I sat with my wedding hair and my veil in Arby’s, I was looking at my reflection in a window, and decided that from the front I looked like Princess Lea. From the back, my ‘do was gorgeous. But he didn’t do it high enough on my head, so from the front all you could see were 2 curls on either side of my head. Princess Lea. I started getting a tad upset about this; my parents were trying to convince me that I did not look like Star Wars. I just kept taking deep breaths and decided to “move on.” I had a ceremony to get through!
I got to the church and Lynn (affectionately termed the “wedding nazi” by the groomsmen) shuffled me through the hallways to the Parlor – so I didn’t have a Toby run-in. Me and the girls chilled in the parlor for awhile…some guests were coming in and out to say hello…Cece and Ashley frantically tried to reposition the curls on the back of my head so they did not make me look like you-know-who anymore, and it helped but didn’t quite solve the problem. I tried to forget about it…. The photographer took the guys outside for pictures (can’t wait to see those!) and then came to get me. We had a bridal portrait session in the sanctuary (gorgeous backdrop) and then me and the bridesmaids had shots taken together in the Parlor. It was fun and there was a lot of laughter. I was not nervous at all anymore. Those butterflies were gone. At that point, I was just READY.
Lynn gathered the parents and grandparents first and had them seated….then my bridesmaids went out….and my Dad and I had some alone time in the Parlor before Lynn allowed us to come out! It was nice. We just chatted. Then Lynn came bounding down the hallway and said “IT’S TIME!!!” I could hear the bagpipes (which were only played for me during the processional) and my heart was racing – in a good way. The photographer got a picture of me and Dad and then the doors opened and we were on our way down the aisle. It’s so surreal looking back… I was smiling and looking at the crowd. I remember seeing Leslie Harris…..and Troy….and that’s it!!!!!!!!! (Even though there were 300 people there!) I got to the end and I would ALMOST say Toby was tearing up…. And I was shocked that I wasn’t a blubbering idiot, but I was LOVING IT. I was taking it all in.
The ceremony was perfect. It seemed really quick – which I liked! The pastor was fantastic and I can’t wait to get the video to replay what he said – I remember liking it! I remember repeating the vows after him, and putting the ring on Toby’s finger…I remember looking up once and making eye contact with my brother. The recessional was very quick and we were ushered off into a side room to let the crowd leave for the reception. We went back into the sanctuary for pictures which went smoothly. But my feet were HURTING. I hope the pictures are decent.
After pictures, we were out in the lobby area of the church, about to get into the Towncar, when Toby’s sister said “I shouldn’t tell you this but my Dad told me that you reminded him of someone.” I was like “Who?” I was thinking one of Toby’s ex girlfriends or someone which I don’t care about…. She said “He said you looked like Princess Lea.”
Great. THANKS KIM! I still have a reception to get through! (haha)
ANYWAY.
The car ride to the reception was LLLLOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG. The dude didn’t take the interstate which would have cut off at least 10 minutes. I was ready to party!! When we got to the Columbian Center, we had to wait in the lobby so that the bridal party could be introduced. I remember looking into the huge room and thinking it looked so good with the candles and the dim light – much better than that morning when we were vacuuming and windexing.
JJ, a great family friend and my DJ, announced the bridal party with his professional radio voice and it was perfect. I remember “waiting in line” to be announced and saying THIS IS SO FUN! Toby and I were announced to the “whoa whoa ooh ooh whoa whoa whoa” beginning of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.” It was PERFECT. We then went right into our first dance which was sung by Erica, JJ’s wife. She did an awesome job on “Valentine” by Martina McBride. It was really nice to have a “live” first dance. Toby and I talked a little and scanned the crowd as we turned in circles. I really was very conscious to take in the moment.
Then came the Father/Daughter Dance. The moment I had been dreading – ONLY because I thought I would be a sobbing mess. JJ introduced the song something like this: “Now we have a special song that was sung by someone you all know. The bride. When she was very very young.” I remember hearing the crowd gasp! And he started playing it and the crowd “awwwwwed” and we started dancing. My parents recorded me singing “I know I’ll never love this way again” by Dionne Warwick when I was 3 years old. When I say sing, I mean SING. The whole song. And it’s not in baby language. I knew every word!! JJ “beefed” it up for me with his powerful DJ equipment and this is what I used for my Father/Daughter dance. And it was FANTASTIC. It was touching and funny. The crowd was crying and laughing at the same time. My dad just kept saying “This is so cool.” And it was.
Toby then danced with his Mom and I started mingling for a second until JJ called all the Lees-McRae College girls up to the dance floor! Once we got up there, we told JJ that he could tell Denny and Donnie to come too. They are our girls, afterall. We did a slow sway to James Taylor “Carolina on my Mind” and I made my way around the circle – giving each person a hug…and I can’t believe Stacy Coggins came!! Seeing her there was such an awesome shock. In some way, these people will be in my life forever - no matter what distance is between us or how much time goes by in between visits… I loved doing this special “event” with them.
…and this is where it goes into a time warp. I remember talking to so many people. I met Mel Dailey’s adorable daughter Lauren, who was excited because this was her first wedding. I talked with PMUSA people and got pictures with them. I saw Steve Miller and Eric. And finally met Tony’s girlfriend Michelle! I made a million trips to the champagne fountain since I kept setting my drinks down and losing them after a sip. I danced the Electric Slide and the Cha Cha Slide beside my Mom – who had been practicing all week. I danced a slow dance with my 5 year old cousin, Jacob – who was holding on for dear life! The fast dance music started and I remember being pulled into the middle of a circle by my cousin Jenn’s husband Bill – and he held my hands and we danced up a storm. He’s good! I remember standing with the LMC girls, getting ready for someone to take our picture, when Lisa yelled “HURRY UP! HOT IN HERRE IS ON!” and then we all went running on the floor. Donnie came out and danced with me and we made each other laugh with the words we knew. I remember hearing the beginning of “This is how we do it” and yelling at Courtney DeTemple – “this is for you!”
Incase you didn’t notice, the Princess Lea issue was GONE!!!!!
Next came the toasts and the cake cutting. They pulled up 2 chairs for us by the cake. First toast was given by my best friend Cece – and she was shaking so bad!! Which is funny because she does a weekly stand-up comedy show in Hollywood! She’s not a stranger to public speaking! She was so cute though. She told the story of when we met in 5th grade – and how when I told her I was engaged, all she could think of was a picture I drew of my wedding when we were young. I was the bride and Bret Michaels from Poison was the groom. (Crowd dies laughing.) And that Cece was my Maid of Honor and CC Deville, guitar player of Poison, was the Best Man – and Cece’s boyfriend. She also pointed out that in that picture we both had the “doorknob bangs.” She then went on to say incredibly sweet and touching things about me and about our friendship and about me and Toby as a couple….. and I didn’t cry again. I’ll probably boo-hoo cry at the video. Her toast was AWESOME.
Next was Toby’s Dad. He does not strike me as a public speaker but damn, he was also amazing. He talked about how Toby used to come up to him and say “Look, Dad, I’m almost at your waist!” THIS got Toby crying – which is not something that happens often so it was incredibly touching. He went on to say how proud he was of Toby and of us…It was so nice.
And then the music comes on… “Pour some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard. It’s cake cutting time!!! We cut the cake and posed for pictures….and then it was back to mingling. I remember talking to Steve and Stacie Lutton in the lobby. I remember the husband of one of my Mom’s co-workers coming up to give me a hug and saying “I just have to give the most beautiful girl in the room a hug.” I remember talking to some of Toby’s Dad’s friends….I remember getting a glass of champagne because I lost my other glass…AGAIN.
Then it was bouquet time. (Music: “Hey Ladies” by the Beastie Boys) JJ says “All the single girls onto the dance floor!” I turn around and my good friend Denny (who is not TECHNICALLY a girl) is running to the floor. I’m dying laughing and JJ says over the loud speaker “And here comes Denny…and he has a definite height advantage!” Hilarious.
I throw the bouquet and it goes STRAIGHT to Kelly – groomsman Jason Ramos’ girlfriend. Everyone makes fun of Ramos…. And now it’s garter time. (Music: “Real Good Man” by Tim McGraw) Toby takes the garter off me (embarrassing) and then throws it to the men behind him and NO LIE – it richochets off the disco ball and goes RIGHT into Ramos’ hand!! No way! Now Ramos has to put the garter on his girlfriend’s leg and it could not have gone better if we planned it!
And now I have no more responsibilities so I am OUT ON THE FLOOR!
I remember dancing to “Hey Ya” and looking up and seeing my cousin Preston dancing with us. I remember SCREAMING “Baby got back” with the LMC girls. I remember Lisa, Najshula, and Donnie conjuring up old LMC Clogging routines to “Cotton Eyed Joe” and the rest of us standing around clapping and YEEEE-HAWing. I remember dancing with Cece, her neice Jordan, and Carol Bock to AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long.” I remember embarrassing my brother, Matt, by playing one of his band’s songs “Future Freaks Me Out” and all my aunts dancing to it and singing every word and Kristen singing it to Matt as he tried to eat cake and ignore her. I remember making Jason Creekmore, Toby’s cousin, dance with me to “Ocean Front Property.” I remember Jason helping his Mom, Jill, out to the car and she was very “happy” because of the wine.
So many other little “blips” in memory… It’s hard to explain!! I do regret that I never even LOOKED at the dessert spread or at the bar… I hope the photographer took pictures….
I remember JJ announcing our last dance “Closing Time” by Semisonic and I remember dancing with Toby and talking a little about the night.
I remember everyone outside lining the sidewalk with their sparklers and us running down the middle to the car. I remember the photographer leaning into the car to take a picture. I remember the LMC girls yelling “It’s getting hot in herre! So take off all your clothes!” before the car door shut. I remember them yelling and running after the car as we took off.
We got back to the Embassy Suites with a basket of desserts the catering people had put together for us. David and Steve had somehow gotten into the room and left a very nice bottle of champagne on ice by the bed. And Cece had also decorated the room – there was a huge heart made out of rose petals on the bed, rose petals on the floor, and an arrow made out of Hershey kisses pointing to the fridge where there was another bottle of champagne. Oh, and I can’t forget the long stem roses in vase. She’s an amazing friend who did TOO MUCH!!
The next morning we met all of our hotel guests downstairs in the atrium for an awesome breakfast. It was also a little “party” for my great aunt and uncle who were celebrating their 51st anniversary that day! What a great way to start OUR marriage.
One of my favorite quotes from the whole event was said by my cousin Jenn’s 4 year old son, Jacob. My Nanny told me that the day after the wedding, he told Jenn,
“I had such a great time at that party last night. And the princess was so pretty!”
Seems like the perfect way to end this story… but actually, this is just the beginning!!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
C'mon 5 o'clock!!
I don't even know what to say I'm in such a daze. And I am eerily calm - but I'll take it!! I'd much rather be this way than a crazed bridezilla. At the moment, I'm just more excited to not have to come back to work for a week and a half!! I can't wait until 5pm today. CAN. NOT.WAIT.
I have lots and lots of errands for the next couple days. Tonight is the biggest stressor - going to buy all the alcohol which is A LOT. We're going to load Toby's truck up with 3 kegs, 3 cases of champagne, a case of wine (1/2 red, 1/2 white), a case of white zinfindel, and a case of non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Now ask me how all this is going to fit into his truck? Don't know that answer. Guess we'll find out later. In the rain.
I'll be glad when tonight is over. Then I'll be glad when tomorrow MORNING is over - after we deliver all of this SCHTUFF to the reception hall. Then it's manis and pedis for me, Mom, and Kristen!! And dinner with my Maid of Honor and 2 friends.
I'm also taking Easter to the vet tomorrow to get sedated so they can give her a much-needed Lion Cut. Prayers be with the vet people. They'll need them.
Tomorrow is going to be GOOD. Friday will be GOOD. Saturday will be THE BEST.
I have lots and lots of errands for the next couple days. Tonight is the biggest stressor - going to buy all the alcohol which is A LOT. We're going to load Toby's truck up with 3 kegs, 3 cases of champagne, a case of wine (1/2 red, 1/2 white), a case of white zinfindel, and a case of non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Now ask me how all this is going to fit into his truck? Don't know that answer. Guess we'll find out later. In the rain.
I'll be glad when tonight is over. Then I'll be glad when tomorrow MORNING is over - after we deliver all of this SCHTUFF to the reception hall. Then it's manis and pedis for me, Mom, and Kristen!! And dinner with my Maid of Honor and 2 friends.
I'm also taking Easter to the vet tomorrow to get sedated so they can give her a much-needed Lion Cut. Prayers be with the vet people. They'll need them.
Tomorrow is going to be GOOD. Friday will be GOOD. Saturday will be THE BEST.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Four Days Left
I came into work this morning and on my desk were 2 big boxes from Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I opened the card and ALMOST cried....it was from the Product Specialist Group here in the Brand Integrity Department. SO NICE!!! It has been really hard not being able to invite everyone I work with to the wedding...but I had to cut somewhere or I'd have a guest list of 700! I was just totally humbled by their thoughtfulness. I didn't even know that they all KNEW I was getting married. I love it when people are so nice. It makes me want to cry. But I can't. Because if I do, I don't think I'll stop. I need to have one, big, good ol' fashioned breakdown. Then I think I'll be ok. I hope that happens when I am by myself though. I'm such an ugly crier.
I'm feeling better today. I need to just forget all the drama and focus on ME. And Toby.
I talked to most of our wedding vendors yesterday which got me excited... This really is going to be so fun. I gave Mom dancing lessons the other night - the Cha Cha Slide and the Electric Slide. I have no business GIVING dancing lessons, but she is determined to do those 2 "line dances" with her girlfriends. She picked it right up and she's very good!! Jacob was there visiting and he got to dancing a little bit too. He told me "Guess who asked me to dance with them?" And I said "Who?" and he said "Mimi!!!!!" (our grandmother) and I said "Well you'd better dance with her! She'll love it!" He just looks at me crazy. He told me that he is going to be very handsome in his new suit. This is his first wedding. He's excited. He keeps saying "So, how many days do you have left?" like he's a wise old man... Which I think he is.....
I keep getting waves of emotions...one minute I am nervous (thinking about walking down the aisle and being the center of attention) and then I get excited (thinking about all the people I am going to see and all of my out of town friends I haven't seen in SOOO long!) and then I get sad (moving out of my parent's garage - I'll miss them) and then I get excited again (thinking about LIFE with Toby) and then I get overwhelmed (thinking about my SURPRISE father/daughter dance song) and then I laugh (thinking about everyone dancing and having fun). This is one major rollercoaster. I think I love it!
I'm feeling better today. I need to just forget all the drama and focus on ME. And Toby.
I talked to most of our wedding vendors yesterday which got me excited... This really is going to be so fun. I gave Mom dancing lessons the other night - the Cha Cha Slide and the Electric Slide. I have no business GIVING dancing lessons, but she is determined to do those 2 "line dances" with her girlfriends. She picked it right up and she's very good!! Jacob was there visiting and he got to dancing a little bit too. He told me "Guess who asked me to dance with them?" And I said "Who?" and he said "Mimi!!!!!" (our grandmother) and I said "Well you'd better dance with her! She'll love it!" He just looks at me crazy. He told me that he is going to be very handsome in his new suit. This is his first wedding. He's excited. He keeps saying "So, how many days do you have left?" like he's a wise old man... Which I think he is.....
I keep getting waves of emotions...one minute I am nervous (thinking about walking down the aisle and being the center of attention) and then I get excited (thinking about all the people I am going to see and all of my out of town friends I haven't seen in SOOO long!) and then I get sad (moving out of my parent's garage - I'll miss them) and then I get excited again (thinking about LIFE with Toby) and then I get overwhelmed (thinking about my SURPRISE father/daughter dance song) and then I laugh (thinking about everyone dancing and having fun). This is one major rollercoaster. I think I love it!
Monday, February 07, 2005
Monday Mourning
We had a big department meeting this morning to meet our replacement Senior VP. I don't know if it's this situation or the wedding coming up but I am in a constant state of throw-up. Not good. I'm also kind of depressed feeling.... I think this has to do with the work stuff (I feel like somebody died) and also with this past weekend being EXHAUSTING.
I'm glad I had the moving to distract my thoughts from work. But as I moved stuff and unpacked, I felt like I was walking on eggshells the whole time. Toby was not bad...and he wasn't mean...and he wasn't yelling at me about the house - I just FELT like if I moved something of his or put something of mine in a "wrong" spot, then it would cause an argument and I was doing my damndest to avoid that. And that is EXHAUSTING!
We also had breakfast with his Mom on Saturday that was tension-filled. Thus I shoveled a huge breakfast quesadilla into my mouth as fast as possible while she shoved her plate away and wouldn't eat anymore. You can tell we both deal with stress differently. For me, bring on the comfort carbs! The breakfast ENDED fine; but the middle wasn't too enjoyable - when the conversation was about the wedding. And I HATE THAT! I hate that my wedding is such a negative event for SOME people.
And another reason I feel like sh*t lately - I've been eating everything that isn't nailed down!! I really need to get this under control so I can atleast FEEL better on Saturday. Maybe I'll hop on Mom and Dad's treadmill tonight...
Ugh. This mood has GOT TO GO. Maybe I'll go shopping after work. I need a rehearsal dinner outfit. I need to get excited. I'm getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad I had the moving to distract my thoughts from work. But as I moved stuff and unpacked, I felt like I was walking on eggshells the whole time. Toby was not bad...and he wasn't mean...and he wasn't yelling at me about the house - I just FELT like if I moved something of his or put something of mine in a "wrong" spot, then it would cause an argument and I was doing my damndest to avoid that. And that is EXHAUSTING!
We also had breakfast with his Mom on Saturday that was tension-filled. Thus I shoveled a huge breakfast quesadilla into my mouth as fast as possible while she shoved her plate away and wouldn't eat anymore. You can tell we both deal with stress differently. For me, bring on the comfort carbs! The breakfast ENDED fine; but the middle wasn't too enjoyable - when the conversation was about the wedding. And I HATE THAT! I hate that my wedding is such a negative event for SOME people.
And another reason I feel like sh*t lately - I've been eating everything that isn't nailed down!! I really need to get this under control so I can atleast FEEL better on Saturday. Maybe I'll hop on Mom and Dad's treadmill tonight...
Ugh. This mood has GOT TO GO. Maybe I'll go shopping after work. I need a rehearsal dinner outfit. I need to get excited. I'm getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 04, 2005
Tragedy
A deskdrop e-mail just came out announcing that the Sr. VP of my department is leaving the company. We are all shocked. And saddenned.
When I say this is a huge loss, I mean H.U.G.E. HHHHUUUGGGGEEEEEEEEEE.
I really hope there is not a trickle down effect; which I really think there will be and I am unsure of my future. But I'm not going to worry about that right now.
Right now I get to go home and MOVE. (damnit)
When I say this is a huge loss, I mean H.U.G.E. HHHHUUUGGGGEEEEEEEEEE.
I really hope there is not a trickle down effect; which I really think there will be and I am unsure of my future. But I'm not going to worry about that right now.
Right now I get to go home and MOVE. (damnit)
Marriage License Adventure
Being the total dork that I am, I researched before we went. I wanted to make sure we had everything we needed to make this operation run smoothly. For one, I can't take any obstacles at the moment because nerves are shot. For two, Toby can't EVER handle any obstacles without first exploding (see previous post) so I really did some pre-work to make sure it would be seemless. On Chesterfield County's website, there is no mention of needing any paperwork of any kind. Sweet! We just need to know the DATE that Toby's first marriage ended.
I stayed at Toby's last night so that we could get up early and go. On the ride to the Chesterfield Courthouse, Toby must have gotten 453,765,987,678,234 Nextel calls from work. I thought we could have a nice conversation on the way to get our Marriage License about how much we loved each other and what an amazing life we will have together. (haha! Just kidding.) We finally get there and are informed that they can not do anything for us without all of Toby's divorce documents - from when he lived in Illinois 5 years ago. He can't find the receipt from yesterday's dinner much less some paperwork from 5 years ago. (although we WILL have a state of the art, amazing filing system when I move in. Trust me.)
I can see the instant frustration in Toby's eyes and in his body language - and here it starts coming out of his mouth. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I NEED TO GET TO WORK. I CAN'T BE ANY LATER THAN I ALREADY AM. blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Oh, what a positive, happy experience. The woman in the Clerk's office surely thinks we are going to last a long time...bickering in the marriage license office....
So, we decide to call Powhatan County and sure enough they do not require any paperwork. Off we go! And since Toby is a good ol' country boy and won't take a main road or a highway to save his life, we drive through DELIVERANCE for 45+ minutes to get from Chesterfield to Powhatan. AND WE HAD SUCCESS. I have the license in my hand. Whew!!
So back in the car we go, drive through Deliverance once again to get Toby to his job site....and now I'm car sick.
But I'm getting married!!!
I stayed at Toby's last night so that we could get up early and go. On the ride to the Chesterfield Courthouse, Toby must have gotten 453,765,987,678,234 Nextel calls from work. I thought we could have a nice conversation on the way to get our Marriage License about how much we loved each other and what an amazing life we will have together. (haha! Just kidding.) We finally get there and are informed that they can not do anything for us without all of Toby's divorce documents - from when he lived in Illinois 5 years ago. He can't find the receipt from yesterday's dinner much less some paperwork from 5 years ago. (although we WILL have a state of the art, amazing filing system when I move in. Trust me.)
I can see the instant frustration in Toby's eyes and in his body language - and here it starts coming out of his mouth. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I NEED TO GET TO WORK. I CAN'T BE ANY LATER THAN I ALREADY AM. blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Oh, what a positive, happy experience. The woman in the Clerk's office surely thinks we are going to last a long time...bickering in the marriage license office....
So, we decide to call Powhatan County and sure enough they do not require any paperwork. Off we go! And since Toby is a good ol' country boy and won't take a main road or a highway to save his life, we drive through DELIVERANCE for 45+ minutes to get from Chesterfield to Powhatan. AND WE HAD SUCCESS. I have the license in my hand. Whew!!
So back in the car we go, drive through Deliverance once again to get Toby to his job site....and now I'm car sick.
But I'm getting married!!!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Domestication
Lots going on....Lots going on....
So in addition to getting married NEXT WEEKEND, I am moving my stuff to Toby's house THIS WEEKEND. Moving, by itself, is hellacious. Even the easiest move I have ever experienced... is still considered awful in my book. I LOVE unpacking, mind you. I look forward to that. (Sick, I know.) But that actual packing and transporting of stuff makes me want to throw myself into the middle of I-95 at rush hour. So, now that you know my feelings on moving, add to that a WEDDING...then add to that moving in with Toby. I love him. I really do. That's why I am marrying the man. HOWEVER, he has a way of being very stubborn and flying off the handle about things - yes, in about 30 minutes, he'll come around and 98% of the time apologizes for his irrational behavior. This is how he works. And I know this. And I try to use it to my advantage. But it's still difficult to deal with sometimes.
Take last weekend, for example. I moved 6 boxes over. Mostly books. I unpacked those and put them on my bookshelf (we have matching bookshelves.) That felt SO good that I decided to dig into the MOUNTAIN of wedding gifts we have received up to this point; all of those were stacked to the ceiling on the kitchen table. At this point, Toby is taking a nap so I go it alone. And I am on a roll! I clean out his kitchen cabinets of things we will not need anymore - mostly plastic cups and containers (AKA Tupperware from 1970) and I open all the new boxes and fill the cabinets with our new, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful kitchen stuff.
Toby wakes up and comes in the kitchen (that looks like a hurricane whipped through) and has a look of total panic on his face. I say "I cleaned out your cabinets and I did not throw anything away. Here is a box for you to go through because I wasn't sure if you wanted to keep anything that may be sentimental to you..." He glances at the box and says:
"That spatula isn't even a year old."
Me: "Well, we got new, very nice spatulas right here." (opens drawer to show him)
Him: "Yeah but I got that spatula for Christmas in 2003. It's still good."
Me: "I understand, but we got nice, new stuff and in order to use the new stuff, we have to get rid of some old stuff."
Him: "Well I'd like to keep that spatula."
Me: (trying not to get heated) "Ok. We'll just have 48 spatulas so that you can feel better."
Wrong answer. Then came the explosion.
Me: "Can I move this big wooden box with the deer head on the side to another room besides the kitchen?"
Him: "FINE! SURE! JUST TAKE OVER. THROW IT ALL AWAY. TAKE OVER THE HOUSE. THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ANYWAY."
Good grief.
Me: (CALMLY) "Please. Please don't make it like this. I understand that you feel invaded; but what do you think I feel like? It's not a cakewalk for me either. I have lived alone for a long time too. I can't HELP but move things. We need to work together on this."
I think that was the point where he realized that this is HAPPENING and there is nothing he can do about it and he'd better start dealing and working with me or it is going to be MUCH more ugly than it needs to be. Shoo.
We finished the rest of the kitchen together and there was no bloodshed. And we were actually pleased with the result as we stood back and took a look at our hard work. Relief!!!!
And that was just 6 boxes of books and some wedding presents. Lord help us this weekend.
P.S. I talked to Toby on the phone the next day and he was telling me that he told his co-workers the story and that they all had the same issues when they moved in with their significant others. I said "You told them the story???" and he said "Well yeah, I have to tell others and laugh at my own stupidity."
I love him.
So in addition to getting married NEXT WEEKEND, I am moving my stuff to Toby's house THIS WEEKEND. Moving, by itself, is hellacious. Even the easiest move I have ever experienced... is still considered awful in my book. I LOVE unpacking, mind you. I look forward to that. (Sick, I know.) But that actual packing and transporting of stuff makes me want to throw myself into the middle of I-95 at rush hour. So, now that you know my feelings on moving, add to that a WEDDING...then add to that moving in with Toby. I love him. I really do. That's why I am marrying the man. HOWEVER, he has a way of being very stubborn and flying off the handle about things - yes, in about 30 minutes, he'll come around and 98% of the time apologizes for his irrational behavior. This is how he works. And I know this. And I try to use it to my advantage. But it's still difficult to deal with sometimes.
Take last weekend, for example. I moved 6 boxes over. Mostly books. I unpacked those and put them on my bookshelf (we have matching bookshelves.) That felt SO good that I decided to dig into the MOUNTAIN of wedding gifts we have received up to this point; all of those were stacked to the ceiling on the kitchen table. At this point, Toby is taking a nap so I go it alone. And I am on a roll! I clean out his kitchen cabinets of things we will not need anymore - mostly plastic cups and containers (AKA Tupperware from 1970) and I open all the new boxes and fill the cabinets with our new, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful kitchen stuff.
Toby wakes up and comes in the kitchen (that looks like a hurricane whipped through) and has a look of total panic on his face. I say "I cleaned out your cabinets and I did not throw anything away. Here is a box for you to go through because I wasn't sure if you wanted to keep anything that may be sentimental to you..." He glances at the box and says:
"That spatula isn't even a year old."
Me: "Well, we got new, very nice spatulas right here." (opens drawer to show him)
Him: "Yeah but I got that spatula for Christmas in 2003. It's still good."
Me: "I understand, but we got nice, new stuff and in order to use the new stuff, we have to get rid of some old stuff."
Him: "Well I'd like to keep that spatula."
Me: (trying not to get heated) "Ok. We'll just have 48 spatulas so that you can feel better."
Wrong answer. Then came the explosion.
Me: "Can I move this big wooden box with the deer head on the side to another room besides the kitchen?"
Him: "FINE! SURE! JUST TAKE OVER. THROW IT ALL AWAY. TAKE OVER THE HOUSE. THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ANYWAY."
Good grief.
Me: (CALMLY) "Please. Please don't make it like this. I understand that you feel invaded; but what do you think I feel like? It's not a cakewalk for me either. I have lived alone for a long time too. I can't HELP but move things. We need to work together on this."
I think that was the point where he realized that this is HAPPENING and there is nothing he can do about it and he'd better start dealing and working with me or it is going to be MUCH more ugly than it needs to be. Shoo.
We finished the rest of the kitchen together and there was no bloodshed. And we were actually pleased with the result as we stood back and took a look at our hard work. Relief!!!!
And that was just 6 boxes of books and some wedding presents. Lord help us this weekend.
P.S. I talked to Toby on the phone the next day and he was telling me that he told his co-workers the story and that they all had the same issues when they moved in with their significant others. I said "You told them the story???" and he said "Well yeah, I have to tell others and laugh at my own stupidity."
I love him.
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