D.O.N.E.

I am really sick and tired (literally) of feeling like I have to justify myself and my decisions to do things (or not do things) because of how I feel. I wish certain people would just believe me when I say "I don't feel well" and leave me alone and not make me feel like I need to fall all over myself trying to explain my actions and/or decisions. I wish people would stop saying things like "well it's just part of being pregnant." Bite me.

I am sick. I have been for 5 months solid. You are not in my shoes. No one is. Except me. Even women who have been pregnant. Our experiences are all different. You do not know how I feel. I'm sorry (not really) that I am annoying to you. And that I ruin everyone's grand plans.

Maybe we could trade places for a few days and you'll then get a better understanding of why I don't leave my house except for work, or the occassional meal out with friends - which afterwards I have to speed home so I can throw up at home and not in a bag in my car on the side of the interstate.

So, I am done. I'm done feeling guilty. I'm done crying because I feel guilty. I'm done worrying about how to pacify others. I'm DONE.

Thanks.

Burnin' down the house

It's 5:14 pm on Thursday, April 6 and MY CHEST IS BURNING OFF OF MY BODY.

Sigh.

I had my long-awaited appt with the GI Specialist yesterday. It actually went very well. He seemed to listen to me and was very understanding and felt sorry for me. :) He should!! He said that he would convince my OB that I needed the "real deal" medicine for the severe acid reflux, heartburn, etc because I had a bad case. No joke, brother! So he called my OB and they discussed it and it was determined that YES I can take the meds! (Which are totally baby-safe, by the way. OBs just don't like to prescribe much medication if they don't have to. The specialist convinced him he had to. Thank goodness.) The specialist told me that in a week, I will feel like a new person and my quality of life will improve 100%. I hope he is right! I wanted to hug him; but I held myself back. But I might send him a thank you card.

I started the new med (Aciphex) this morning. I only take one a day - as opposed to the "3 a day immediately after meals" Reglan that I was taking. I think my body is just going to have to build up the Aciphex before I start feeling really good. I can tell that I feel better today....but not great. Atleast I don't feel gaggy and like I'm going to throw up in my car on the way home! And that's a nice, new feeling!!

But the burn! Ouch!!!

Minor Irritants

1. The fact that the 3rd entry on this page has wrapped itself around the last picture in my 2nd entry and I can't figure out how to MAKE IT STOP is extremely irritating to me. Extremely.

2. Why do I always have "issues" with the cleaning person at work? Why? I'm quiet and nice and I say hi and thank you when they pick up my trash. Anyone remember GLORIA? (Stop laughing, Leslie.) This was my cleaning lady at my old building who would leave me post it notes on my computer to the tune of: "I borrowed your __________. I'll bring it back." One day, that blank was filled with NAIL CLIPPERS. I told her she could keep them. And actually, don't take shit off my desk!!! I won't even go into the "Oprah Magazine Fiasco." Well now at my new building, I have another fun individual who does not "borrow" things off my desk; but she NEVER SHUTS UP. And by never shuts up, I mean nevershutsupever. Here is an example conversation:
Her: Good Morning!
Me: Good Morning.
Her: Whew it's a pretty day outside. We need to be off and outside because it's a pretty day. Shoo it is so pretty.
Me: Yes it is.
Her: So so pretty. Days like this we need to be off.
Me: (Stares at computer like working really really hard.)
Her: So pretty it is. When I go out on the loading dock, I stay there as long as I can because it is just PRETTY!
Me: (Picks up phone and listens to dial tone.)
Her: Don't you think it's nice outside?
Me: MmmHmm
Her: I would like to be off today.
Me: You and everyone else in the building.
Her: Yeah me and everyone else who works for a living. Except people who work on the weekends too (and this goes into a rant about jobs on the weekend...........)
Me: Excuse me
...And I get up and go sit in the bathroom to let my boiling blood simmer down before my head explodes.
I am so grateful that she keeps my trash can from overflowing. I truly am. But please, SHUT THE HELL UP!!

3. People who I do not work for delegating their grunt work to me. And these are people are NOT superiors but think they are and that makes me want to shoot lazer beams out of my eyeballs at them. That's all I'll say about that one.

4. Pregnancy side-effects:
- The fact that I can't even eat 5 peach slices in the AM without getting sick.
- And that my nasal passages have shrunk to the circumference of toothpicks and I feel like I am suffocating all the time.
- My gums bleeding when I'm just sitting here. Gum disease, anyone?
- My thighs starting fires as they rub together like never before.
- My giant upper arms thinking they have a baby in each of them.
- I have never broken out this bad; and that includes high school.
- Double - I mean, quadruple - Chins
- And other unmentionables...............

But even though I am irritated today, I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize. But it sure does help to write stuff down! There's more irritating things in my life that I should write about on paper and keep to myself. Even though this is MY blog, I don't need to make public ALL of my irritants. But if you call me, I'll tell you. Ha!

22 Weeks Already

Here's me at 22 weeks. This picture is a lot cuter than I feel in real life!!! :)

And my walls are not that orange! I swear! It's the camera!

Nursery in Progress

Moving to Minnieland and Mini-Van Land

An update is needed badly on this page! Granted, the announcement of Stella has been the biggest event in our lives lately; but there has been some other stuff going on too. As the time of birth draws near, things are getting busier. And only will get more crazy, I'm sure.

I went to the Motion City show in Norfolk on March 17 which was incredible. It my first time seeing them headline - and what a difference. They had the 2 hour time slot, the light show, all the effects, the screaming fans - it was just wild to witness! The band was incredibly professional and polished. I ALMOST cried. It was just an amazing night. After the show, it took us over an hour to leave because Matt was bombarded by fans for pictures and autographs. Being pregnant and sick and weak and tired and feeling like death was knocking on my door, I was still in awe at the fans wanting MY BROTHER'S autograph and patiently waited for them to hurry up so I can go sit down in the damn car! :) I did not make the other 2 concerts that weekend, which was upsetting, but I just could not physically do it. Atleast I got to see one show.

The day after the big Ultrasound, I got really sick again and that lasted for about a week and a half. It was not quite like "morning sickness" but more like acid reflux. (Like my friend Linda said "the mini throw-ups" that turned into the real thing.) Sorry for the graphic images, people. It was pretty darn miserable. I made an appt with a Gastro-Intestinal Specialist for April 5. In the past few days, this sickness has eased up some. I still have moments but it has definitely gotten better. I'm still keeping my GI appointment...so maybe he can help me with those "moments"...but overall, I'm better. I just think I'm going to feel like shit until I give birth. It's just a fact of this pregnancy. Thanks a lot, Miss Stella!

Mom and Dad came over last weekend and painted the nursery for us. It is a green color called Palmetto and I LOVE IT. It will look great with the "blossoms" theme I have picked out. My Dad is such an amazing painter - he did all the detail work and Mom did the rolling. I supervised. :) I am so thankful for them and all they do to help me all the time. I wonder if I will be that selfless with Stella? I hope to be...but I just think my parents are unique and special. But anyway, we also started to put the crib together only to realize that half the hardware pieces are missing. DANG! So I have faxed the company for replacements and we'll see how that goes! Of course that part would not be easy. OF COURSE!

Toby did some work at his Dad's house and has also been working hard on our house. He put up a tile backsplash in the kitchen that looks amazing for a first-time tiling job. He and his uncle Greg floored the attic and all the junk went up there. We have been able to organize the house more to get ready for Stella. We do have more room without the 2 litter boxes taking up the utility room. It's all coming together. Now if I could just get him to do something with that MOUNTAIN of laundry in his bathroom because I'm not touching it.

The cats are doing well. Their new Moms have both kept me updated through e-mails. I'm so thankful for that. Not sure if Easter's mom is "lying" to me to protect me....she has not mentioned poop....but she can protect me all she wants! What I don't know won't make me cry! I don't know when I'll go visit Easter, if ever. I just don't want to set myself back in my recovery - and worse, set HER back in her new home. We'll have to play this one by ear. In the meantime, I am enjoying my e-mail updates.

I am 98% sure I have chosen a daycare for Stella. It's Minnieland on Huguenot Road and I went by this morning and really liked them a lot. Kendall (my niece) goes there and is doing really well and all of the ladies there were so nice. It's also one of the "cheaper" ones (at $185 a week) but I got the best feeling there as opposed to some of the more expensive ones. That's nice, for once!

Toby and I are both in the process of selling both of our vehicles and we are going to get older, reliable vehicles to lower our monthly payments to offset this new expense of daycare. Otherwise, I don't know where the hell that money would come from. I know it's going to work out in the end, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and trying not to panic.

What really makes me want to panic is that I've been looking at a couple MINI-VANS.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!

I know that's what everyone wanted to know so no need to ramble! We're so excited. I won't sleep a wink tonight.

The appointment was awesome. The ultrasound technician kept saying "Such a pretty baby!" Awww. All of the measurements were right on. The heartbeat was a steady and normal 144. At first she was laying on her side facing the "camera" but then she started doing flips and they were watching her kick me but I couldn't feel it. Must have been that big iced tea and Mexican food I ate before the appt that got her all hyper. My plan worked! She gave us great "down there" shots so there is no question that she's a she.

So, without further adieu... Introducing Stella O'dell Creekmore!!

Beginnings and Endings

This weekend was full of beginnings and endings... It was a good weekend and a rather bad one at the same time. Well, just one bad event...that will eventually be good. Mixtures of emotions are the worst!!

Sunday was the beginning of a new life for me and Easter and the ending of our every day companionship. At 1pm, Toby took Easter to her new home. I thought I would hyperventalate to death. It was hard - the hardest thing I have ever done. I had already cried the whole morning; every time I looked at her. Knowing that she would go to a new home and wonder where the hell she was and when the hell her mama was going to come to get her??? And I cried knowing full well I would not be coming to get her. THAT is what breaks my heart - thinking about what she is thinking. At 1pm, I put her in her crate and just went and quaranteened myself in the bedroom for awhile until I got control. Toby took her to the sweet lady's house who answered my ad - she only lives about 4 miles from us - and he was upset too. He said "I can learn to deal with the doo-doo. Let's call her and tell her no that we have changed our minds." And while I wanted to say OK; I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to do. For the baby, mostly. And also for me and Toby. I know he would try and deal with the doo-doo (ha!) for awhile but eventually it would get back to being an issue of tension in our house. It's not fair to him. If the situation was reversed and he kept choosing one of his animals over our marriage and over my feelings (which is what I was doing...) I would be upset too. Plus, this woman who took Easter is the ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS. When am I going to find that again? I'm not. So I had to let her go to her new home.

Toby said that she had already set up a place for Easter in her own wing of the house until she got used to the other animals and to her new Mom...then she could venture out as soon as she was ready. Toby said she was so excited for Easter to be there and loved on her right away. He said that she reminded him of me; and that Easter will probably be more spoiled with her than she ever was with me! That makes me feel better..........but I'm still going to cry and mourn the loss of my best friend...even though I may go visit in a month or so...It's time to move on and grow up and get our house ready for the baby.

Now, who wants to take Katie????

On Saturday, I witnessed another ending. The ending of my former Rock n' Roll self. I went to see Motley Crue and it was an experience. Maybe it's because I'm old. Or maybe it's because I'm pregnant. Or maybe it's because I WASN'T drunk. Maybe it's because I'm not into naked girls climbing ladders and swinging from chains by their teeth. But that show left a lot to be desired!! Vince sounded like a dying chicken, Mick looked like a skeleton Cousin It, Tommy hid behind the drums the entire time and didn't do anything cool, and Nikki still looked HOT. :) I could ramble about it....but I'll just post the review that was in the Richmond Times Dispatch. I will tell you that I almost punched about 15 drunk people in the face when they tried to crowd into the TWO empty seats next to me and Toby. The seats WE had paid $75 frigging dollars for - that is for EACH seat - ewww, that pains me to say that. And about 2/3 of the way through the show, I excused myself, bought a big glass of water, and sat outside the coliseum on a stone bench until the show was over. I needed fresh air and SPACE.

My ears are still ringing today. And the right one is THROBBING.

From now on, the only rock n' rolling I'll be doing is to a CD in my car...or at an MCS show!! (Or if Sebastian Bach ever comes to Richmond...) But that's IT!!

From the Richmond Times Dispatch:
It's not high art, but it is fun. A big, loud, grimy show that makes you feel as if you need a shower by the fourth song.
Call it skank rock - and it's Motley Crue's specialty.
The'80s institution, reunited last year with original members Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars and Tommy Lee, pulled out every cliché in the How to Rawk 101 handbook last night at the Richmond Coliseum, keeping the crowd of about 5,500 blissfully entranced.
So what if the sound was terrible, especially for the opening "Shout at the Devil," a pyro-soaked pool of muck? And so what if Neil's voice - never as strong as Motley's songs call for, anyway - is shot after 15 months of touring?
These fans don't care. They were thrilled to have water spat on them by bassist Sixx, his face painted with a black eye mask and ebony hair spiked to the ceiling.
They obediently whoo-hoo'd when Neil offered such studious banter as, "Riiiiichmond!! You're some crazy [fill in the blankers]!!" and shrieked appreciatively when half-naked nymphs writhed against a metal ladder during "10 Seconds to Love."
It's supposed to be stupid escapism - one reason the band has lasted more than 20 years (albeit with plenty of breakups and jail sentences). Think of Motley as KISS, except with actual musical chops.
Lee's double bass drum assault on "Red Hot" exhibited why he is one of the best rock drummers still playing, and it was his dense backbone on "Looks That Kill" and "Livewire" that distracted from Neil's breathless phrasing.
Too bad his drum solo - usually a highlight of any Crue show - was such a disappointment. His flying between junkyard drum kits looked cool for a minute, but the elementary beats he whacked out hardly demonstrated his capabilities.
The scarily frail Mars, his face obscured by a black top hat and his moves more Disney animatronics than guitar-god cool, can still play despite his corpselike appearance. His gritty blues-laden solo on a muscular "Wild Side" was impressively complex, and it's his riff that makes "Girls, Girls, Girls" such a guilty pleasure.
For that strip-club staple, the boys rolled out on revving choppers, while more airborne bimbos wriggled above them and a naughty video displayed more porn action than Cinemax at 3 a.m.
Still, there is a teeny bit more to these raucous troublemakers than an affinity for lesbians and music played at ear-bleeding volume. When the band revealed its softer side on the mellow acoustic singalong "Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)" and the definitive power ballad, "Home Sweet Home," it reminded listeners who could still hear that these guys have always had a knack for tight, hummable melodies.
But that comparatively gentle side quickly got kicked into the gutter for "Dr. Feelgood," another fat, nasty groove that proved that sometimes, big, loud, grimy rock is just fine.

My child's name will be....

REGLAN.

Which is the name of the prescription of the reflux med I got my my Dr. (yes, my Dr gave it to me....no GI doctor visit needed, thank you very much....) and I am IN LOVE with this med and grateful that it has given me my life back. Thus, I will name my first born after it.

Just kidding.

But really. I'm so happy right now I can hardly stand myself. I am now really looking forward to the Motley Crue concert on Saturday and to the MCS shows next weekend. I'll be able to go and have fun and function normally and not be sick!!

Bring on the long hair and leather!!!
"He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood - he's the one that makes you feel ALRIGHT!"

Drugs and Cats

Time for an update! Work was pretty busy last week and I had a couple days where I spent way to much time gagging in the bathroom... but things are looking up, I think. I THINK.

It is now determined that I am no longer suffering from Morning Sickness; now it's a raging case of Acid Reflux. So basically, I am ok until I eat something. Which is kind of a bitch because the only time I feel good is WHEN I AM EATING SOMETHING. So I eat. Then I suffer. I tried Zantac 75 which is on my approved medicine list...and it seemed to help! But not completely. It does not last all day so for dinner and nighttime I'm still stuck at home for fear of getting sick in public. I called my OB's nurse last week and she wanted me to try all the other Acid Reflux Meds available OTC before they would prescribe me anything a bit stronger. Damn. I KNOW I need the next dosage up! I want to turn into Crazy Pregnant Monster Lady and just yell "GIVE ME THE DAMN DRUGS!" But I didn't. I went to Kmart and bought Pepcid AC...which of course is not strong enough either.... but I tried it. I got through the weekend and still had problems so I called again this morning. I know she hates me. She kind of brushed me off and said "Well, I'll have to talk to Dr. Schoeffler and he's in surgery this morning so it will be a while. He'll probably want you to go see a Gastro-Intestinal Doctor."

WTF!?!?!? I know SEVERAL pregnant friends who were prescribed Zantac - just a bit of a higher dosage than the 75. I'm sure that would be fine. I'm so sick of this. I feel like maybe I should just shut the hell up and deal with it....... but then I go and puke in my car (like I did this morning. Thanks.) and then I change my mind and want to call EVERYONE ON EARTH to get this fixed. Even if I am a huge pain in the ass.

So, even though I'm still having issues (obviously!) I AM better, I suppose. The 24/7, 2 month long hangover is pretty much gone. And I never want to go back there again. You can quote me.

I'm ready to feel HALFWAY normal again. I want to be able to go shopping for more than a quick trip to Wal-Mart for deoderant and necessitites. Meet friends for dinner. Stay up with Toby past 8pm.......

AND GO TO THE MOTLEY CRUE CONCERT THIS WEEKEND. I'm so worried about that.....I bought the tickets for Toby for Christmas before I knew I was pregnant...We're in the 3rd row. I WAS so excited. Now I'm scared I'll be sick and ruin our time........................

Not to mention the THREE Motion City Soundtrack concerts in VA the following weekend... I HAVE to go to those.......

In other news, I blogged about my cat Easter awhile ago. About how the cats (esp the pooping cat) was causing major tension..... blah blah blah. Well, that issue was swept under the rug for awhile and then 2 weekends ago, it came back. Like I knew it would at some point. So, out of sheer desperation, I placed an ad on the PM Employee Marketplace to see if I could find a new home for them...and I started a correspondance with a women who works in Training...and she wants to take my Easter! With her neurotic tendencies and all!!! I'm so happy; yet so so sad and scared at the same time. This is the absolute right thing to do - for the most important person involved in this whole situation: THE BABY. We need a clean home, free of cat turds in the kitchen. We need a peaceful home where there is no yelling about said cat turds in the kitchen. This lady sounds wonderful - she told me that Easter would have a very loving new home with a patient new mama.... I couldn't ask for more. It's the answer to my prayers. But the tears well up everytime I think about her being gone. And in a strange house. And wondering where her Mom is. This is going to be a long grieving process, I think. But I am SO THANKFUL to know where she is...and I am sure if I needed to go visit her, this lady would be more than happy to have me over. :) She sounded so sweet on the phone. She only lives a few miles from me!

Ugh. Enough. I'm at work and really don't need to start the waterworks here.

We also need a home for Toby's cat, Katie. It is in the works that MAYBE Carol Bock will take her!!!!!! Carol has told Cece recently that she wants a cat. Their beloved dog just died and they have never been animal-less. Katie would be PERFECT for Miss Carol and I hope that works out too. I would feel very confident (although sad) that the girls are in good homes.

I'll post again sooner than last time..... Work has gotten busy again. The nerve!!