Today was a gross day

On 2 accounts...

1. I can't BELIEVE I am admitting this; much less posting in detail. But since I make a living (ha) sharing my embarrassing stories - here goes!

So, my right ear has been popping and feeling stopped up off and on for over a week. It really stops up at night when I am laying down. The weather has gotten colder this week and Stella and Toby have both had colds so I decided today that I really needed to get this checked out - just incase I have an ear infection or something.... So LUCKILY, my work has a Dr. on-site. Yes, we are spoiled. This is the one perk I LOVE because I don't have to leave the building if I need a quick check (like today) or if I need a prescription, etc... So, I go down to medical for them to check my ear. No biggie.

So, I get down there and they take my temp = no temperature. And he checks in my ears and the left if totally clear with no sign of infection. The right ear - there is no sign of infection but he sees a lot of wax. So now I'm about to DIE because I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I clean my ears atleast every other day. Infact, I use q-tips to "shape up" my liquid eyeliner so q-tips are always readily available - and I swear I use them. The doc says it looks like it's "a lot" and it's "really far down there" so he calls a nurse in to IRRIGATE my ear.

The words "ear" and "irrigation" should never be in the same sentence.

So, they make me hold this bowl under my ear and they get this giant syringe thing and shoot this liquid mixture into my ear. I felt like a gallon of water was being shot into my head and swirled around my brain. Apparently, the wax (gag!!) is supposed to come out but it didn't.

They had to "irrigate" three times.

Horrified.

THEN the doc dug in my ear and pulled out the biggest wad of wax. The nurse actually said "I have never seen that much come out before!"

Thanks a friggin lot.

HORRIFIED!!

So, after he pulled out my brain (it felt like it) I could hear in stereo. I swear to God I think I have Bose eardrums now. The clicking of the keyboard as I type this is so crisp and clear!

So, the lesson here is that q-tips don't quite work how you think they are working and sometimes they just push ear wax further down into your ear where it gets impacted and you have to have your ear irrigated in the medical clinic of your Fortune 500 company.

2. I ran Stella's bath water and threw her in the tub. I soaped her down and washed her hair and rinsed her off. After that, I usually let her sit in there for a bit and play... I stay in there with her but I stepped out for 2 seconds to go in the kitchen and start the dishwasher when I hear her yelling "Mama!" in an oddly panicked tone... So I go "What?" and she goes:

"Poo Poos!"

Mother%&#*Q)%#(*%^$*

So I walk in and sure enough! She's standing in the tub trying to get as far away from it as possible. Yeah sister, I agree.

Of course it wouldn't be an easy poop. I mean, OF COURSE NOT. It was like 35 little balls all floating in the soapy water amongst the multi-colored bathtub letters and squirty toys.

I'll spare you the rest of the details but it involves draining the tub, picking out doo doo balls, and lots and lots of bleach spray. LOTS.

And you should be thankful I didn't take a picture of it all and post it because I really really thought it about.