Buzz Fest, Part 1

I would update you on my work situation but have decided against it. Because this is a public blog and because I don't want my head to explode in a million little pieces and ruin my beautiful Coach bag. If this is any indication, I am listening to Marilyn Manson on my iPod through my speakers OUTLOUD on my desk.


Moving on to happier things: BUZZ FEST 2008


Unfortunately Toby could not go as his job was facing a hard deadline and he had to work all weekend. It was just me and Stella for the long roadtrip. I loaded the car on Thursday night. It looked like we were going on an extended deep sea diving expedition for 3 months. Good LORD the stuff you need with a toddler! (Funny - you never end up using half the stuff, but if you didn't bring it.... guess what you would need?!)


We got up at 8am on Friday and we ate breakfast and loaded the rest of the stuff. I loaded Miss Thing in her carseat - all ready for the trip. Complete with Dora blanket and MOVIES on the portable DVD, with a sippy cup on the side.


And away we went!


The trip started out a bit rocky when after 3 hours we had not even gotten to Durham yet - that normally takes us 2 hours. By this time, it was near lunch so we just stopped and ate at Burger King (healthy!) Stella was excited that I let her sit in the booth like a big girl. She was yelling "HIIIIII!!!!" at all of the other BK patrons. She really didn't eat her lunch of apple fries and chicken nuggets, so I packed them up so she could eat in the car when she was hungry.


So, we get back in the car and I have to change her diaper on the front seat as there was no changing station in the BK bathroom (why why why?) and there was no space to LAY her down in the car. Of course it was poop. Because my life just rocks like that. It was all good though... No poop on anything.


We get on 85S again and immediately hit traffic. Some GENIUS decided that the friday before Labor Day would be PERFECT for major roadwork. Thanks guy! (I say "guy" because you KNOW it was a man who didn't plan at all....) It took us about an hour to go 10 miles...


So after that, it was smooth sailing. From Durham to Wilkesboro was a breeze! At one point, Stella yelled "eat!" and I was so proud of myself for packing her lunch from BK. She ate it up. Every last bit. After another couple hours, we stopped for a bathroom break and I thought *Stella is being so good. Let me get her a treat.* So I got her a chocolate milk since it's her favorite. The one with the rabbit on it. A BIG one.


In North Wilkesboro, I went through the McDonald's drive-tru for a GIANT coffee for myself. I love how in NC they put the cream and splenda in for you! Back on the road again - and you all know that the climb starts after Wilkesboro. I turn off the overdrive in my car and my ears started popping and I wondered about Stella's ears... but she was sucking her fingers (as usual!) so I figured that would help to pop her ears... and she was transfixed by the Little Mermaid. So we continued to climb the mountain to Boone...and I am making excited phone calls to Courtney and Ashley to tell them how close I am getting....


We see the "Welcome to Boone" sign and I literally CLAPPED and yelled "Yay Stella! We're in Boone!!!" I was going to ride through Kings Street and do some hippy watching...and maybe stop by "Melanie's" restaurant - my friend Scott owns it... All these plans!


Then I heard it.


The biggest gag/wretching sound of my life.


And then I saw it.


In the rearview mirror.


My child had turned into the exorcist. But her head did not spin around and it was not pea soup. It was apples fries and chocolate milk.


EVERYWHERE.


She blows chunks (apple chunks) everywhere and starts to whine because she's scared - but never did cry.


I was the one crying. Not really - actually not YET.


I pulled over and jumped out of the car and opened the back door and didn't know WHERE the hell to start. I pulled off her Dora blanked which was COVERED...threw it on the ground.... I unbuckled her and noticed all of the puke DOWN IN THE BUCKLES but just continued to work to get her out. She was also covered from head to toe. I got her out of the car and stripped her down and threw he clothes in the pile with the blanket. I put her in the front seat of the car while I assessed the situation. It was NOT good.


So the cushions and covers on the carseat were all covered. I took off the layers (who knew there were 3249687203598672367 layers of cushions on a car seat.) And that's when I realized that this quite possibly could be the worst thing that has ever happened to me.


There was puke in every single crevice and hole and notch and opening in the car seat base. (and who knew there were 304976230967 of those...) Puke saturated the straps that save my child's life. And in the buckel that holds it all together?!?


I'm trying to block this out....


So, I wipe it down as best I could with 2 of the towells we brought...and then I did the unthinkable.


I got Stella's toddler toothbrush. The Gerber one with the cute little chipmunk on the handle.


And I scrubbed puke chunks out of my child's car seat while pulled over on the side of a mountain road while my naked child sat in the front seat.


The smell.....oh, the smell. Forever stuck to my nose hairs.


I worked for a long time and got really upset when I realized that it was IMPOSSIBLE to get all of this out. So I put my naked child in the BASE of the carseat, strap her in with the putrid straps, and continue UP the mountain to Banner Elk - our final destination.


We made it there safe. And I realized it was just car sickness when Stella announced "Feel better!" from the backseat. I have to say, I was very relieved that it wasn't a 24 hour flu bug and I would be spending the next 2 days in the cabin, surrounded by puke and dirty laundry.


So, we arrive at our little house we rented with Ashley and her 3 year old, Clara. They were not there yet.... Oh my, the house was PRECIOUS but all I could think about was the dang carseat and getting it all cleaned up and finding a laundromat. I checked into the house - and by checked in, I mean WALKED in the house. The owners had already been there and left the key in the door and a sign on the porch welcoming us. No one locks ANYTHING in Banner Elk. I miss that place...


So I get Stella out of the car and she runs around the little yard in her diaper. I bet the neighbors thought "Who is this looney tune that is renting the house this weekend?" I worked diligently on trying to get the carseat OUT of the car - while yelling "STELLLLLAAAA!" every 30 seconds to make sure she was right with me and not running down the huge hill to the creek in the backyard.


I tried like hell to get the latches undone from where Toby had put the carseat in. He had it in so tight a bomb could have done off and blew the car to bits but the damn carseat would be right where it was before. GAHHHH

So I pulled and yanked and cussed and cried and sweated. All while Stella ran around the yard in her diaper and crocs.

I finally gave up and just sobbed. What in the hell was I going to do? There was liquid puke UNDER the seat. It was oozing out. (Sorry folks. Gotta share this vision with you...)

Then I had an epiphany: Scissors.

I searched the cabin for a pair but could not find them. So I grabbed a giant knife. Yes, I had lost my mind. But as I was walking out to the car again, I saw the "Welcome Creemore Party" sign on the front porch. (Yes, they left out the K.) At the bottom it had an arrow and said (over) so I turned it over and there was the owner's phone number with the statement "Feel free to call for any reason." BINGO!

I called and told the lady I had an odd request. I need scissors STAT. Her husband walked right over with a pair. I'm sure he was taken aback by my sweaty face and hair and wild eyes. I was on a mission.

He then told me that he wanted to extend the offer to stay on Sunday night for FREE. I took him up on it right there. My trip had started off so bad, I needed an extra night to make up for it!! (We had originally planned to leave on Sunday but that went out the window...)

So anyway, he left and I CUT THE CARSEAT OUT OF THE CAR. It was attached by the "latch system" so I just had to cut that one strap. I could still hook it in using the seatbelt so I didn't ruin it by cutting it...although Stella ruined it by YACKING in it.

I pulled it out of the car and found a hose and sprayed it down completely and let it dry on the porch for a bit. (When we left again later, I put a clean towel in it and Stella road with the hard plastic exposed..poor child.)

I cleaned the car - thank the Lord for leather seats and a container of Wet Wipes. That's one thing working in my favor!

I unpacked the rest of the car and got Stella inside and dressed...and Ashley and Clara arrived. After they brought their stuff in, we were off to the laundromat (which by the way, is NOT behind the Black Diamond anymore...I went there first!) Luckily, it has moved up by Food Lion and we were going there anyway...

I filled my giant Ikea bag with the offensive clothes, towells, and car seat cushions and we filled up a washer at the Banner Elk Laundromat. The Ikea bag went into the trash can.

We walked down the sidewalk to the Chinese Restaurant where Stella and Clara proceeded to LOSE THEIR FRIGGIN MINDS! I think they were so excited to be together - but geez. I almost had a mental breakdown over my sweet n sour chicken. They were wrestling on the floor and dancing in their chairs...and the screaming that could bust an eardrum....

Ashley had the quote of the weekend. Clara was acting up and Ashley reached for her purse and ever-so-calmly told Clara that "I'm going to give them a call...I just want to warn them..." And I'm thinking: who is "them?" And then she proceeds to tell me that she "calls" the police all the time on Clara. She warns them that Clara is acting up and they might need to come by and check on her... You know what? IT WORKED. She said she also "calls" Santa Claus a lot. GENIUS.

After we ate, we switched the laundry to the dryer.

To whomever used the washer after me: Sorry about the chunks.

We then went to Food Lion and bought food for the weekend and for the lunch were were hosting on Saturday for everyone... Afterwards, we picked up our nice clean laundry (I could still smell it in the cushions - Ashley couldn't.) and went home to the Little Rock Cottage.

To be continued soon - with pictures! Somebody send me the group shot! :)