Some of you may remember this traumatic experience that I blogged about last year.
Well, today was a repeat performance.
Except instead of a revolving door, it was a slippery fake brick floor.
And instead of getting stuck in a door, it was me slip sliding across the lobby and eventually my a$$ hitting the floor.
And instead of the President of the company helping me, it was about 10 or so people milling about the lobby. NOT helping. (Except the Security Guard CLEAR across the lobby yelling "ARE YOU OK?!?!? DO YOU NEED HELP?!?!?!?!?!!) No. Thanks. GAH!
The scene could have been out of a Christmas Story - with me playing the role of the younger brother Randy...when he falls in the snow in his giant winter suit and rolls around and around hoping to get enough momentum to hoist himself off the ground...however that never happens and he lays there yelling,
"I can't get up. I can't get up. RALPHIE!!!"
That was me. Sort of. I mean, I got up. But not with ease or grace. I felt like I was on ice...so I had to get on my knees first because I am FAT and that's how fat people get up. And the people walking up behind me sure weren't rushing to my aid. I just looked at them and said "GOOD MORNING!!" in my best sarcastic tone as I picked up my belongings...WHICH INCLUDED THE FOLLOWING: the laptop bag, the purse, the thermal tote lunch bag (Thirty-One plug!) and a heavy as crap bag with five 33.8oz bottles of wal-mart brand (Sam's Choice Clear American!) sparkling water beverages.
Why the HELL did I pick TODAY to start drinking my water?!?!
Anyone else feeling deja vu?
Lesson: Don't try to do healthy things anymore because they just screw up your day and cause you a great deal of humiliation and pain in the lobby.
4 comments:
Okay-I'm CRYING again I'm laughing so hard! Not AT you of course, I just love the way you write about it...I think I'm laughing almost as hard as I was at the "traumatic experience". I'm telling you, write a book. (this is Jenelle btw)
I am so sorry this sucks, last year it was better because you got help - I can't imagine that NO ONE stopped to help you - that effing sucks!
Your revolving door story had me laughing then, and I'm laughing now. Could be the part that I understand fat and having to get up with all fours. Lately I'm clinging to something to pull me up! Hope the day gets better!
You are a FANTASTIC storyteller! That was a horrible experience, I can relate to falling in public places. I am glad you are OK. But your stories just make my day!
Love,
Amy Bacon
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