It's all going to be fine in 2009.

I am so creative.

But I really do feel all cheeseball about this new year. I am EXCITED. This year is going to be the best in a long time. I can FEEL it.

There are a lot of major changes in the works for my little family. Changes, that a year ago, would have had me at the front desk of a mental facility - registering myself for an extended vacation. This year? I'm enjoying it. I'm looking forward to the changes. I'm not scared. And I know it's going to be OK - actually, better than ok. Bring it on!

This obviously tells me that the changes coming up have needed to happen for a long time... but we were not ready for them. We had to keep putting ourselves through hell because it just "wasn't the time." And I think we get comfortable in our own little personal struggles. Like Dr. Phil says "You're getting something out of it if you keep doing it." No matter how miserable you claim to be...when you are truly ready to change, you'll do it.

Let's get this party started.

Of course the three big topics of transition for us are the usual players:

1. Careers
2. Finances
3. Health/Weight Loss

I do not know when my last day at my current job will be. I know I HAVE to leave by the end of February when this program ends. I requested to leave earlier, but we shall see. I am steadily applying for jobs because I want to work during my severance period. Although, it would not hurt my feelings if my new job did not start for a couple weeks after leaving this one. It might take me a couple weeks to clean out and reorganize the shed! (I should add that as a #4 to the above list.)

I am not stressing out over job hunting. I have applied for a couple positions with the State...Lord knows they take forever to respond to you. I have applied at my dream company, SnagaJob.com. I have also applied (and have been recommended by a current employee and former colleague - so there is more promise with this one) at Wellpoint. I applied for most of these before the holidays, so I expect some responses (either interviews or rejections) in the next few weeks as the new year gets rolling.

I am, however, contemplating getting LASIK surgery between jobs. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to start a new job and then say "Hey, I need a few days off so I can get my eyeballs lasered." (They give you valium. That's the only reason I am even thinking about this.)

Toby is still unemployed, yet continues to find side jobs to fill his days. As crazy as this sounds, he seems happier to be "working" for himself. We have had conversations about him getting his General Contractor's Licence and starting his own business. That is a bit of money to shell out right now so we are just going to see how this side work continues...and if it keeps up, we'll probably go down that route. Shoot, he already has a van! All we'll need to do is spray paint a company name down the side! (Kidding about the spray paint.) But we do need a company name and we're taking suggestions!

I was thinking StelElectric. Like Stella + Electric. No? Ok....

Now on to NUMBER 2.

And that "number 2" description is pretty accurate as to my attitude towards weight and SHIT for awhile now. I work hard for a few days and then BAM - I just feel so OVER IT. I do the whole "why meeee?!?!" pity party and gorge myself on chocolate covered soybeans from Trader Joes.

I'm pretty fired up right now - atleast with the eating part. I just had a beautiful lunch with piles of vegetables. I want to focus on HEATLH more than anything - and I want weight loss to be an awesome benefit. I really don't think I will be successful if I just focus on losing weight to LOOK good...because you know what? In my old age, I could care less about that! Who am I impressing? (lol sorry Toby!)

I would love to be healthy and strong and lean... A machine! Oddly enough, my fitness idol is my favorite pop music star:

I mean, those ARMS! That would probably take more effort than doing some bicep curls with my 5 pounders through commercials during Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights.

See. My big motivation issue is with exercise. I don't particularly like it. I think it stems from my traumatic "RUN A MILE IN FRONT OF YOUR WHOLE CLASS" days in high school gym. Yes, I was always the last one.

I was what I would call a gym regular when I lived with Denny (Hello, Dahling!) in the fan. I was in my early 20s and had never set foot in a gym (other than the aforementioned traumatic PE classes.) We were both doing BODY FOR LIFE and it was like an alien took over my mind/body and I actually worked out EVERY DAY. I never did get that "I love to work out now and if I skip I don't feel complete" feeling that athletes boast about. But I did feel a commitment to go. At first I was a nighttime regular - sometimes at 10pm - which makes me laugh now because these days, I have been in bed for 1.5 hours by that time. Then, my friend Morgen and I started carpooling to the gym BEFORE work at 5:45 am and we did that for months. I felt fabulous.

Then a guy named Toby came along. And it was all she wrote.

I would really like to make the gym a regular part of my life. I do have a fitness center at work but I just can't make myself go there on a regular basis. First, I just can't go at lunch right now - I can barely eat lunch at lunch in my current situation. I can't come in early and go because I have Stella in the mornings until I take her to Mom's at 8am. And I would rather poke my eyes out then stay AFTER work to go down there. I want to get home to see my child after being away from her the entire day.

So, when I get home, my second (more important) job starts. Hang with Toby and Stella, fix and eat dinner, bathtime, play time, personal computer time, and then BED time.

I just need to win the lottery (that I don't play.) Then I'd have all the time in the world to go to the gym.

But there is the problem. I keep saying "go to the gym." You don't HAVE to go to the gym to exercise and that is where I am brainwashed. I feel like if you don't go to a fitness facility and pump iron and sweat your face off, then it's not even worth it to do anything. It's that "all or nothing" mentality that gets me every single time.

I need to come up with a realistic exercise plan for myself. At one point in my life, the all-encompasing BODY FOR LIFE was realistic. Now? Not so much.

I did have a brief love affair with JAZZERCISE earlier this year, but had to abandon it because of the expense. That was the most fun exercise I have ever done. I could totally pretend I was a dancer - and no one laughed at me. It was also nice to be in a big class with the music blasting - the 75 minutes went by so fast! And since it was a long class, I could go just twice a week and feel like that was fine. Although three times was ideal.

When I begin my severance and get a new job to bring in extra income, I think that Jazzercise will be a priority again. It's not like it's totally frivilous. It's for my health. And if it's the only thing that gets me off my butt these days, then it's money well-spent.

And speaking of money well-spent? I didn't do that in 2008.

Infact, I have never really done that, THUS the current financial situation we are in. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Seriously folks, we have got to budget and pay off debt PRONTO. Not only because of our job situations being a bit, shall I say, unpredictable - but I just want to be debt free and have a cushion to fall back on, if needed.

I am sick of worrying about money. SICK.OF.IT.

I want to sell Toby's Jeep. He doesn't need it - he has his van now. I want to pay off the loan we took out to put new windows on the house. I want to pay off the credit card which I SWORE would not get out of control again - and it did.

I don't need a mansion on the hill. I just want a clean slate. And some savings.

So, #3 is going to be hard but our current situation was a gift from God regarding a financial plan. I will be getting a job on top of my severance which will bring in extra money to pay those bills. I would love for nearly every cent (minus $45 a month for Jazzercise!) to go straight to paying off debt. I also plan to learn more about Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and I might even sign up for some classes - I noticed that a church in my neighborhood is offering the course.

When these obligations are paid off, I will never return to this place financially.

And I mean it this time.

2008 was the last time for being utterly-miserable at a job, being this overweight and out of shape, and being this poor.

2009 is different. I know it!